Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep away from this person

37 replies

Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 17:03

So my aunt has recently told me her husband in late 70s has been arrested. Police turned up at their house and seized laptops etc saying someone at that house had been downloading indecent images of children. They both went to the station, her phone was examined and was clear and he is the only one who uses computers, nobody else in the house. Police told her over a 1000 category A images were downloaded. He tried to say to her this had happened because he chats to adult women online ( she knows this) and had given one of them his email address so it could have happened like that which I know is bullshit. He then admitted speaking to a man of a similar age to him who was advertising his 17 yr old granddaughter for sex and admitted he was planning one meeting with this girl to pay for sex. (I know shocking) and this could be another explanation as to how he's been "set up". Police told my auntie the images were downloaded using his IP address and there is no way it can have happened any other way. Now she is telling me it's all been one huge mistake and he's an innocent old man, I have said I don't want amything to do with him whatsoever as I think she's just saying this because she wants to brush it all under the carpet and regrets telling me.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Dontbeme · 14/12/2024 13:31

So they believe some bogey man hacked their IP and planted images in his computer? They are also explaining away the fact that he was willing to pay money to rape a 17 year old girl, a girl close in age to her own granddaughter?

I would have nothing to do with any of the adults, I would contact the granddaughter to tell her if she ever needed anything, I would be available anytime no questions asked. There's shock, there's denial but then there's enablers, aunt is an enabler.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2024 13:14

balletflats · 14/12/2024 10:05

But the material has been found on his computer so that excuse is dead. You know what he has done, keep the reality in mind not his excuses.

I'm assuming that OP's relative's computer would have been forensically examined by police IT experts before charges were brought. The wife, adult child and grand-daughter are in denial about the Category A images of CSA, despite knowing and defending the fact that their elderly husband/father/grandfather had solicited a 17 year old girl for sex.

I would cut off contact with all of them. You do not need such people in your life.

balletflats · 14/12/2024 10:05

But the material has been found on his computer so that excuse is dead. You know what he has done, keep the reality in mind not his excuses.

Original poster
Frenchie01 · 14/12/2024 09:58

She has an adult and 19r old granddaughter, the granddaughter he has been very involved with since birth. They are aware of whats happenedn but are agreeing with her that someone has hacked the IP address and been downloading somewhere else using his IP address.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2024 09:07

Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 22:44

The thing is though I can't really get past this being OK with him meeting this young girl for sex and then painting him as a vulnerable old man when it's clearly the reverse and she's not willing to accept him being cut off she's adamant it's a mistake and me and my husband are victimising him by saying we don't want anything to do with him again.

Do they have any children and/or grandchildren? If so, are they staying in contact?

You are absolutely right to end your relationship with your aunt and uncle. He is a paedophile and sex offender and she is an enabler. She would rather blame the victims than admit the truth about her husband. Unfortunately, this isn't unusual behaviour from the wives/partners of sex offenders. Just keep away from them and block them on all platforms.

Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 22:44

The thing is though I can't really get past this being OK with him meeting this young girl for sex and then painting him as a vulnerable old man when it's clearly the reverse and she's not willing to accept him being cut off she's adamant it's a mistake and me and my husband are victimising him by saying we don't want anything to do with him again.

OP posts:
Sweetnessandbite · 13/12/2024 22:36

Op this is awful. I really feel for your aunt. Of course it's hard for her to believe this is true. Further isolating her won't help her realise or heal. I would 100% ban anyone from.going to their house and any contact with him. I would not ban your Auntie though, as long as she agrees not to speak about him in anyway. She needs support not casting out.

starstar84 · 13/12/2024 22:30

Hi Op, so sorry you’re going through this - you are justifiably extremely disappointed by your aunt and it must be so confusing thinking she is one person and then seeing her act in such a spineless immoral way (blaming the teenager!!). She has obviously been groomed by him (being ok with him talking to women?!) but really it isn’t an excuse. You are within your rights to take some space and tell her why. Hopefully she’ll come round but the layer of denial is clearly deep at this stage. Your uncle is a sick weirdo and thank god he hasn’t been near your kids.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/12/2024 22:26

Of course it's not a mistake. He's got tons of CSA shit on HIS computer/devices. Even if it was sent by someone else he's still committing a crime.
What a fucking sicko. Tell her you will help her arrange a divorce. She may not want to hear it but how can she stay with a paedo?

Edingril · 13/12/2024 22:22

Anothrt women believing what she wants of a man

You know you are not being unreasonable so don't be like her think for yourself, maybe women should be taught this in schools

Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 22:20

I know, it's blindingly obvious he's guilty but she's just spinning this ridiculous story about the IP address been hacked and the police making a mistake. It's plain to me she regrets telling family in the first place because she wants to stay with him so is just attempting to smooth it all over, which makes me feel she's almost as bad as him.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 13/12/2024 22:12

1000 cat a images??

I mean, come on

Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 22:02

Yes I've told her not to contact me anymore, the whole thing is making me ill tbh and causing a lot of problems in the wider family.

OP posts:
Sportacus17 · 13/12/2024 21:55

I’d stop the dialogue with her. Just say something like:

”Look, your husband is categorically a paedophile and was also going to pay a teenager for sex. I’m not prepared to discuss it any further. As long as you maintain contact with and defend this man we will not be having any contact whatsoever. This will be my last message”.

And then block them both.

Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 21:49

Yes he admitted the 17 yr old sex thing he was trying to say that because he was speaking to the grandad online, he had somehow framed him for these images, which is bollocks of course. This is what I mean even if she's in denial about the images, how can she just swallow the fact that he's 78 and wanted to pay f for sex with a 17 yr old who it seems is being coerced into selling sex by her weirdo grandad. It's like a nightmare, never heard anything like it in my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 21:45

No he was never around them., never really been close to him and funnily enough my then husband (kids dad) never liked him always said he was a weirdo, no reason for it just said he got a bad vibe off him. I've always been very close to my auntie, she's my mums sister. I'm more heartbroken and shocked about her attitude to all this tbh, like 8 said never been overly close with him but never in a million years would I have thought anything like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 20:49

You are absolutely correct, I asked her about the 17 yr old effectively being pimped out for r sex by her own grandad, that he was supposed to meet for sex! Her reply was the girl eat under 16 and young girls can exploit vulnerable old men! Wow just wow, I can't believe someone I have grown up with through my entire life has these viewpoints, how the hell have I missed this, it's the most sickening feeling, it's like a part of my life with my family hasn't been real.

OP posts:
Parry5timesbeforedeath · 13/12/2024 20:26

I used to work with paedophiles on the legal side of things. Every single one of us knows a paedophile- most likely several of them - without our knowledge. They are our neighbours, or co-workers, the postman, the guy who runs the soft play centre, people we might be married to or related to. Your aunt is in denial. You uncle by marriage is as likely to be innocent as i am of being the Pope.

You are right to go nc. I have seen many a woman and family stand by the paedophile in their life because they are in denial, and because paedophiles are very very good at playing the victim. It's not them.... they are a victim.... It's a society that is out of step. Or they have been misunderstood. It's complete crap, and people like this are just manipulative pieces of shit.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 13/12/2024 20:24

Whatever about her not believing about the downloading, does she know that he was planning on meeting a 17 yr old for sex? Surely that would be enough to make her see the light?

Poor woman. Absolutely avoid her as long as she supports him but let her know you'll be there when she sees through him. Her whole reality has just been shattered, I'm not surprised it will take her a while to process.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 13/12/2024 20:21

Did your uncle spend time with your children when they were younger. Did he touch them. You should check with them ASAP. So sorry OP x

winter8090 · 13/12/2024 20:17

You are doing the right thing. I would also tell your auntie your so sorry this has happened to her and when she realises he is in fact a peodophile you will be there for her.

winter8090 · 13/12/2024 20:14

I doubt it's a mistake and I'm sure there will be a court hearing. Potentially even jail time.

The grandad offering his daughter for sex is one of the most vile things I've ever heard. It's hard to imagine the type of people out there.

Original poster
Frenchie01 · 13/12/2024 19:45

I think the excuse she's trying to come up with is that their IP address was hacked and somebody else somewhere had done the downloading, it's obvious to me she's trying to backtrack.

OP posts:
jf1992x · 13/12/2024 19:25

Ok I'll give you some advice as I work in a similar sector. You don't accidentally download child sexual abuse material (CSAM). It's actually quite difficult to come across nowadays and you need to know what you're looking for, the right keywords, the right sites etc. 20/25 years ago when downloading/uploading was becoming a thing it was actually quite easy to accidentally download CSAM. People were calling the files something else and it was readily available on Limewire, WinMX etc. Keep away from this person! He is a predator and a pedophile and won't change. He is sexually attracted to children. Your Aunt may come round, it's probably a huge shock for her and she doesn't want to believe it

xyz111 · 13/12/2024 17:41

Police don't get things like this wrong. They know all the tricks of how things get hidden. And 1000 pictures, my god. I would do the same as you, no contact with either of them but say to your aunt when she comes to her senses, the door is open for her. If she's older, she might not know how computers work, and is a huge state of denial. She'll need support when this goes to court etc as she'll have to face what her husband is.

Swipe left for the next trending thread