If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

We really struggled to afford it in the earlier days. It was worth every penny.

With wealthy grandparents do you have a mental safety net ie if (God forbid) you were off sick on SSP for a period of time, or were made redundant, would they step in temporarily if it meant keeping your child where they were settled?

The big issue is that if the school IS worth every penny, and any amount of scrimping and saving, what happens if you don’t have enough pennies (fee increases, VAT etc). Children in private schools are often there for their whole school life and they know that and mentally plan for that - leaving is inconceivable to them. If you have a prep school not attached to a seniors in some respects that is simpler as everyone will leave and disperse elsewhere so if it wasn’t financially possible, you could leave that that natural break. But the more you and your child love the school, the higher the pressure to be able to afford it for 14 more years….

I would say that’s the thing you need to weigh up. I would do anything to keep my daughter at her school, it’s like a huge family and she is thriving. I don’t have a single negative thing to say about it and I can’t remember even thinking one in all the years she’s been there. I cannot imagine having to tell her she had to leave. That was a huge pressure in the early days when we really did struggle to afford it.

I regret not having been able to send DC1 to private - he would have had a very different life.

I'm a single parent so it's a massive sacrifice to send DC2 (we don't have holidays at all, for example) but it's absolutely worth it. Not for academic results but for personal development.

I'd say choose wisely though. I visited ~25 private schools over a couple of years to decide. Some PS are really... strange, think Decline and Fall 😵‍💫Also, you might need to reconsider options later on, when DC's personality, aptitudes, strength and weaknesses become more clear.

What do you want from life and what do you want from private school? Are you expecting them to ger certain jobs? Do you just want them to be happy? How would their lives look in the alternative?

Yes.

I send both my children to private school....

They say "money cant buy happiness" but actually in this instance I believe it does.....

Our catchment state school is shocking (It has featured on a bbc documentary about the worst schools)

The independant school my children go to is amazing.

They are so happy and have far more oppertunites to do "other" things.
The behaviour that they are surrounded by means that teaches spend the vast majority of the lessons actually teaching rather than managing other things in the moment.
The school is non selective but its results are on par with the local selective schools.

We are lucky to be able to comfortably afford the fees, but yes it's worth every penny and I have happy confident resilient well rounded children as a result of my choice of school for them, who are also highly likley to excel academemically, and enjoy their educational journey.

If granny so wealthy - why doesn’t she pay!

God no, have some nice holidays instead

Different situation but similar rationale in looking for the best option for our DC, our choice is to make financial sacrifices to pursue home education. So a reduction in hours for both of us and way into the future exams might cost a fortune.

I went to an excellent state grammar and did well from it but am not convinced the regimented nature of school will work for our DC.

Absolutely not! Bullying happens at private schools just the same and the small number of children means that if you are excluded by a friendship group, there is no one else to choose from. Do not do it. A complete waste of money in my case.

Also wanted to say that school fees were a struggle once I had 2 dcs in private school and I was working part time when they were young.

Then my and dh's pay caught up and now it is just another expense. Which is ending soon and we will segue nicely into paying their university fees and accommodation.

I don't know if it was worth it as I have never used the state system and don't know whether the outcome would be the same, better or worse if I did.

However, private school, with its working parent-friendly set up, on-site facilities, wrap around care and customer-focus, allowed me to keep up and progress my career whilst reducing the day-to-day aggro of grappling with a poorly resourced state school system.

What is 13,000 to 26,000 fees per year (the cost of dcs' school fees) shared between dh and I if I can earn more on promotions and have the peace of mind that my dcs' education is being looked after and they are with academically ambitious students and parents.

Yes for the music, drama and art and nurturing of ambition.

In terms of academic results, one of them would have done as well in the comprehensive but not sure about the other..

Perhaps not wholly relevant but I’m a teacher and the most intelligent/well educated teachers of my training cohort went to work in state schools. ‘Dangerous Minds’ syndrome we always called it! It sounds horrible but the real dregs went to the private system (especially those who went to private school themselves and perhaps had the right accent but were no great shakes at school) It was the difference between those who went into teaching idealistically to make a difference and those with few other options available to them. So on that basis I probably wouldn’t send mine even though we could swing it financially. Though I’d likely send them to a ‘big name’ indie if we had the means.

Teaching quality aside, it’s usually the case that classes sizes and facilities are far superior in the independent sector. Research shows that class sizes don’t make a difference to outcomes but I just don’t buy it. Elite schools are also able to take on brilliant teachers without any formal teacher training too and the sports offerings are often wildly better. So I’d be taking into account your child’s temperament, hobbies and quality of teachers too.

Not worth it. Massive waste of money. Mediocre teaching. Difficult peer group. Unhappy child. Realised too late. Very much regret that unfortunate chapter of life.

It was not worth it enough for what it cost in my experience. I had mixed schooling for 2 and then 1 went to a state school the whole way. Note number 3 was all State as I had become disillusioned with private, it didn’t deliver better outcomes.

My advice now would be tutor them as and when needed, and send to an outstanding CofE or Catholic secondary. You might have to buy in to a catchment area sometimes.

Mine were different from each other in terms of natural academic abilities. It is really hard to say, but my private dc could have really done with tutoring looking back on it, but I assumed they didn’t need it due to smaller classes etc.

The benefit private schooling adds really makes the most difference where it adds something the child is not getting at home in terms of suppprt, cultural capital, experiences.

Eg DH grew up in a wealthy family. Prep and a top private.

My parents were "new middle class". Grew up in poor towns in northern England, first in their families to reach university & professional jobs.

My parents sent me to state school and provided lots of parental support, music lessons, language exchange trips, exposure to ballet, music including orchestral/opera/jazz, sport. A home life that included plenty of literature, support to choose careers with potential for development & higher earning.

Result? I landed up at precisely the same university as DH and we both earn similar.

There's been some evidence recently that private school doesn't deliver better academic outcomes when you remove the effect of other factors like parental education level, parental income.

I think it depends what state education is like where you live. We are in a similar position in that we can afford private school but it would be at the expense of holidays, activities, savings for DC for university and house deposits. Our local state primary is excellent and dd started reception there this year. We don’t at all regret sending her there, she is thriving and really enjoying it and I can’t fault the school or teachers there at all. We would have made a different decision had the school not been so good, and we have the backup option of private should we need it later on for either DC.

I wouldn't send them for primary unless your local primaries are really dire.

I would (and do) make the sacrifices for secondary as that's where the real differentiator between state and private is IMO.

Depends what you're sending them for though - if it's for the social aspect of being part of the private school set then go for it from age 4.

If it's for the education, smaller classes and opportunities, save it for yr 7+.

A million each?! Where did they go to school?!

We didn’t struggle in a not enough money for food way but we certainly made sacrifices. No regrets, DC had lots of opportunities that weren’t available at our local state school, the wrap around care was a major consideration for us with us both working full time, although in recent years we’ve both been wfh.

DC is now at college (state as the local one is amazing for the subjects DC is taking) and I feel like we can financially breathe again!

If you can find a good state school and encourage education in your kids I don't think you'll see any difference in outcomes.

Me and my siblings went to a normal state school and all went to Oxbridge and top unis, now in high achieving careers on six figures...

My cousin's by comparison all went to private school and they've all done similarly to us in terms of academics, but worse in terms of jobs. I think it works out their parents spent about £1m in total on each of them for their education, whereas my parents spent nothing.

However I think if your kids aren't as academically gifted then a private school will probably push them to do better. If your DC are bright, and the state school is good, they won't need it imo

No, I don’t think it’s worth any amount of financial stress.

Worth every single penny.

Both DC went to private nursery and prep. State secondary for DS and boarding school for DD. Later state six form.
The prep school was great at giving an all round education. It was useful in sports and facilities.
My DS admitted if he had gone to the famous public school at 13 he would have been a different person and a bit of a knob. We downsized to send them and it cost about £250-70k for both. Straight out of equity. I longed for a Boden dress!
One is a CS and the other studying at Oxford. Both have great general knowledge and a lovely group of friends some from nursery!

It doesn't sound like you will 'struggle' though? Going without 'fancy handbags' and 'less holidays', which implies you'll still have some. I would think struggle means no holidays, downsizing etc.
I think private school can be great, especially if the available state school is not very good. But some state schools are excellent- how about the ones near you? What is it about this school that attracts you so much? Do you have the one child? No chance of another?
I'd go state at first see how it goes unless it's very inadequate.

Don't do it OP. I have two in independent we'll
Prob not move house. I stress every terms fees have gone up thousands since 2021.

It's not a happy place having that stress hang over you.