If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

Depends on the kid and depends on the school.

Mine benefits greatly. Mostly it's the sport and the high behaviour expectations. The academics are secondary but have drastically improved. It is some of the best money I have ever spent in terms of value/importance to me.

I'm comp and would have benefitted (bright but bored). My sister would have enjoyed but didn't need it (bright kid that would do well anywhere). My husband was offered private school but didn't want to go (but now says he would have liked the sport) and his sisters are like my sister - bright and would have done well anywhere. Of the grandparents, three are grammar and one is private. Private didn't enjoy school so much but has had the most successful career.

There is another independent school locally I wouldn't choose and two comps I would choose and the local one I wouldn't.

I'd say independent really benefits kids who are bright, confident and social especially if they have a bit of neurodiversity like dyslexia or adhd. Especially if they have enough natural talent to coast along without even trying. It encourages them to embrace their best points and not dim their light to fit in.

Depends on your local state options. We could have afforded it but had outstanding primary and secondary on doorstep and both DC excelled academically (both Oxbridge candidates) and no problems. Sure the behaviour of other kids caused concerns sometimes, but it drove both DC to do independent work outside of the classroom and that mentality is / will taking them far in life. I’m sure an independent school may have been nicer at times, but wasn’t necessary. I guess those saying its been worth it are comparing to the worse schools. There are some good state schools out there

100% yes.

The school they went to had excellent pastoral care - exceeding my expectations by such a long way. It was cool to be clever and work hard at that school. Getting high scores made you more not less popular with your classmates.

The school excelled at finding and supporting everyone's niche e.g. a sport the non-sporty could thrive in. It encouraged the less confident/workshy pupils to respect their own potential and aim high.Although it was very academic, it allowed time off for professional theatre workshops and music masterclasses.

My DC came out with excellent A levels, offers from top unis (where they went on to get Firsts because the work ethic instilled in them was strong), a close friendship group, with thriving extra curricular interests and the attitude that it is worth giving what you want your best shot.

I know I am biased and I know NASALT, but I went to a comp where even the teachers mocked academic students and encouraged us not to get ideas above our station. There was a lot of classroom disruption and bullies targeted anyone who was seen as clever. It was cool to fail - to skip school, not do your homework etc. So depressing and lonely. I wanted the opposite for DC and was prepared to pay for it.

Yes, until sixth form where options were very limited. So, ours then went to state colleges which were excellent.

My DC1 has been at state school all the way through. He's now studying a STEM subject at a high ranking university, is still in touch with his school friends and is a lovely well rounded person (plays sport, music etc). I can't see how it would have been worth sending him to private school. On the other hand we sent DC3 to private school for a couple of years when he was struggling (although he's back in the state sector now). So I think it does depend on the child and the school.

100%

I'd definitely think about an in between option with state primary, maybe moving into an independent school in year 5. That would be a better use of money if it's a little tight and is very common. We've used private all the way through and whilst the prep school was lovely I'm not sure you get as much ROI as you do at senior school.

And yes totally worth it!!

If your local primary is fab and you think your child will love it then use it. (If your child has SEN though go straight to Private)

If you can wait for private until secondary then you will really be saving yourself some money and be able to see your child's needs and personality and make an informed decision (sporty, a rower, arty, performance arts etc) so many private schools out there have different styles and specialties.

I went private for secondary for DD15, I'm a lone parent so it was a big commitment but I have no regrets.

But, year 7 the school was straight onto me saying, we think she has ADHD....which she did, never a peep from the Primary because in a class of 30 who is going to bother with the shy, quiet and non disruptive girl? I wish I'd gone private sooner for her.

My point is Private = smaller classes, more choice etc. but State primary might be the right answer for your child. It really comes down to your individual child. I always also wanted a single sex secondary education for her.

Is it a struggle? I've always used the school fees plan which means a direct debit monthly which doesn't feel as bad. It means bonus/commissions can be put to one side for holidays or mortgage over payment etc

Yes, very worth it. However, in our case the locals state schools were dreadful academically and mine would have been ironically in the minority.
I would not worry so much as it seems your parents or their grandparents could help you if you really struggled. Also, for us holidays were the sacrifices. Less of them or compromises of where to stay.

We're in your position OP and we've decided to opt for 2 sets of private school fees instead of a massive house.

We sent our eldest, year 7 to year 11, he has just gone to state sixth form in September, his choice, we would have sucked it up for two more years. We struggled to the point I was suicidal at times. It was £1100 a month, we had £2000 a month spare at the time after all the bills, food, petrol etc so thought it was doable. I feel like I had the worst five years of my life and I will never get that time back. We had very little spare money for anything fun and I haven’t had a holiday not in a tent in five years.

However, he had a lovely secondary experience, made great friends, has an amazing work ethic and study skills and got all 8s and 9s at GCSE.. It has really shaped him as a person. He may well have got these grades and became this person at state school, we will never know.

Was it worth it? For him, yes.
Would I do it again if I could go back to 2019 and get those years back? Not a chance.

You have a choice to not be me, to not lose half a decade to fees stress. Please think very carefully.

I genuinely think private school is only doable if you have all of the fees in the bank already for however many years you want to do. Or you make £20k a month and it’s a drop in the ocean.

We were always going to do state for primary but had your dilemma when DD started secondary. She was offered a place at an academically high-achieving private school and at our local highly rated comp. At the time it looked tight but do-able - no exotic holidays and fewer meals out, but OK. We opted for the comp and I’ve been so, so grateful we did - between the increase in mortgage rates and energy bills and the overall cost of living, and the VAT, we would have been living on beans or downsizing our (already quite modest!) house now. DD is thriving and predicted 8s and 9s in her GCSEs, and we’ve done some amazing things like holidays in Japan and New York.

That’s a long-winded way of saying if it looks tight now, don’t risk it if the state option is OK!

If fewer than 30% come out with grade 5+ at GCSE maths + English at local state then I massively disagree with you that this is a better experience for the kids who go there!! Maybe you live in am area with great state schools, you are lucky. Not all of us are so fortunate.

A friend of mine had a similar experience.

Her son is a lovely boy, kind and loving. But he also has Autism, ADHD and is on the pathway for a PDA diagnosis.
He started his school career in a lovely, very small, private school, but they just couldn't manage him. Personally I think it was a case of keeping him to keep the money coming in, and not reporting some behaviours in fear of parents withdrawing him.

Long story short, he's now in his local state primary school and doing much better. He has more support and his parents hear a lot more "truth" from non-nonsense staff than the pandering/fawning he got from the private school.

What a sweeping generalisation.
Around here the state secondaries have very low % of ethnic minorities (around 4%) yet the Indy has around 30%. Overseas students bring different cultures and viewpoints. Much broader than the 96% white British of local state!

Yes 100% worth the struggle.

For us it was worth it, but it wholly depends on the school, the child, the situation, your priorities... I have not one regret about the private primary school my dc went to - it was truly lovely and worth every penny. Their secondary schools did not feel so worthwhile and they are now home educated (with private tutors, so still paying…). They are all AuDHD.

quite a generalisation

Totally agree. We want happy well rounded kids and it’s a lot harder to achieve that with the choice of state schools near us.

Its not all about academics - I went to Oxford from a state comp and DH who has a PHD is also state school educated. We’ve both done well in our careers but want DC to find their own interests and way so giving them a good childhood will set them up for that. I’m also not after “connections” which people refer to sometimes and which I find it an odd concept. The families at both schools are friendly and down to earth (even the uber- wealthy). I’ve got nothing to offer anyone, am overweight, wear clothes from Vinted and don’t own a car. DC have loads of friends and are invited everywhere because they are lovely kids and so are their friends.

Waste of money. A decent state school is a far better, richer and more interesting option.
and no, I don’t mean ‘outstanding’ I just mean a decent one .
Private schools are full of the same people. Look the same, talk the same m, think the same and more and more coming from the same background- finance parents.
Cant think of anything duller.

Definitely worth it here. It’s given my daughter a lot of self belief and helped her achieve the grades to go to a top university. The other students there were diverse and ranged from insanely wealthy to 100% bursary. Trips etc were optional so we didn’t have to spend lots on extras. Viewed it as investing in my daughter and therefore worth it more than holidays, larger house etc.

Also just because John (private) and Matt (state) both ended up at the same uni and got the same job afterwards doesn't mean private wasn't worth the monehy for John. Maybe Matt is just naturally smarter and without the support of a private school John wouldn't have got to where he did? And doesn't mean private wouldn't have been useful for Matt either.

The implications from your post is that a private education is not worth the money and only those for whom affording it is not a struggle are more willing to admit it.

That is not how all parents who use the independent sector feel. Looking at it from a pure academics perspective is not the full story. Those who can afford it easily probably don't even think about whether it is worth it. The alternative sector would not have entered their heads. As you said, if it does not work out, they simply send their children to another independent school.

It would be similarly unfair if I said that parents who cannot afford it will not give up an opportunity to seize on how a private education is not worth it or that it made no difference.

Le Rosey?

https://spearswms.com/education/le-rosey-school-spears/