If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

That’s the point so if you’re going to spend the equivalent of the second income on private School give some thought to whether that might be better not being earned in the first place and having one less stressed parent.

btw your children might not agree they’re not here to ask

No.

I sacrificed everything for my son to go. He left at 16 as he was really fucking lazy. Still is at 21 just left a degree apprenticeship with 8 months to do as it was too much like hard work and is now floundering.

He would have done the same if he’d gone to the local schools. It fully depends on the personality of the child.

Some of this can only be achieved by having two good incomes! Everything you are describing costs money: after school activities, own bedroom, nutritious food. Activities and experiences in the summer holidays.
btw my kids have all of this and two successful well educated parents who earn well and have flexibility in the holidays. So your point you need a stay at home parent for a good childhood is not valid at all. And yes very old fashioned.

I think this is a very difficult question to answer because, by definition, parents who send their children to private school will think it is worth it. And no one has the ability to clone their child and compare to how they might have done in a different school.

My parents sacrificed to send me to private school and think it was worth every penny. I would have preferred not to have gone and to have had some of the things that I had to forgo (including, for example, financial support through university and money towards a house deposit, as many of my peers had). There was also a huge pressure on me to do well as I couldn't help but be aware of the family financial sacrifice. I was bullied at the school and never fit in, but the school was perceived as so much better that I just had to get on with it.

Well, you’re entitled to your opinion as am I
An awful lot of the success children achieve in school is down to the fact that somebody is facilitating the after school activities, somebody is picking them up and taking them to school so their school day is shorter. Lunch is prepared on site and nutritious. Own bedroom for quiet study. Somebody is there all summer holidays to make sure that any gaps are filled in their knowledge and enriched.
if I had to choose between all of the above or private school, I would choose the above.
But ideally you need both.
If that’s old-fashioned so be it.

I think it’s a very old fashioned view and I don’t think a good childhood is dependent on a parent not working. And let’s be real here, in 99% of cases it’s the mum.

For us moving to a decent state secondary would cost us around £300k-£400k even if we downsize. So it’s a no brainer really.
plus I am sure that they will get a better education than at the best state secondary.

Do you honestly not know? That is this an actual question.

How exactly would my children’s schooling benefit if one of the parents didn’t work? I should stay home all day and wait until 3.20pm to enable to world’s best childhood? And can you only have a good childhood if one of your parents doesn’t work?

It depends on how good the state schools near you are, and also so much on the child. Our eldest is at private secondary school because she is autistic and for a time was situationally mute. She was bullied in primary school, permanently anxious and had some difficulties with school work. We’ve sent her to a very small and nurturing private secondary and she’s absolutely thriving - now speaking in class, has a lovely group of friends, the teachers have looked after her brilliantly and she’s often top of the class in end of year exams. My youngest will go to one of our state secondaries (as long as he gets into one of the good ones!) because he’s confident, sociable, doing well with his schoolwork and wants to go where his friends go (we gave him the option of private, but are secretly relieved he doesn’t want to because financially it would be extremely hard). For my dd, totally worth it. We’re not particularly well off but are comfortable (household income £60k, mortgage on our (small, falling to bits) house paid off). We are very careful with money, holidays are camping, clothes secondhand or cheap.

If it’s £50,000 now per year for two children I think that money could be better spent on mum or dad staying at home and just facilitating the worlds best childhood using state education in that case
I think in total we spent 150,000 for about five years worth for three children. Which was the equivalent of buying a house at the time.
So maybe I guess that’s what people have to compare it to now in today’s money to decide.
that also didn’t come out of earned income. I think that’s a huge mistake that people make to is trying to pay as you go.

I have a child in each, private and state. And all the competitive chat about houses, cars and holidays is from the state parents. I've had Xmas drinks with both sets of parents this year. I came home exhausted from the conversation with the state parents all comparing who had the bigger SUV and what their Xmas decor theme was. The other group is far more humble. I'm not suggesting this is the same for all groups of parents but I think your sweeping generalisation here is laughable based on my own experience of seeing both sides (parents and children).

They’ve gone up massively in a decade as we didn’t think it would be such a question of affordability. Plus everything else has gone up.

I appreciate prices might have gone up since we used them 10 years ago

I can only imagine what the 24 grand year schools are like

Thats the average price for the secondary ones near me, don’t know any much cheaper (London/Surrey)

The only thing I would add, is that the 12 grand a year private schools are a waste of money in my opinion.

We went to a mid range one after starting off in a cheap and cheerful one. And the difference was mind blowing just an extra £6000 per child per year. It was like another world.
Whereas the gap between state School and the 12 grand a year Primary School wasn’t huge and in my opinion wasn’t worth it
I can only imagine what the 24 grand year schools are like

I’m also not convinced we could afford for dc plus uni & house deposits.

For us, yes, and they only went to private school for a few years not consistently all the way through
DD3 could barely hold a pencil when she started reception in private school halfway through the year. She only actually had two years of private education but she has the most beautiful cursive handwriting now.
DD2 probably benefited the least, I still like to think she got something out of the one-to-12 attention.
DD3 was told that she might have a chance at passing the 11+ by the headteacher in State School. She passed.
She was told she was failing at maths in year three. She’s currently a maths teacher herself. I truly believe it made an enormous difference to her.
And I wish I could afford it for my DC4 and five

Really depends on your DC and local options. Private school was not on our radar, until it was. Things went to shit after Covid for DS as the class became very disruptive and he struggled with dyslexia. He moved, aged 10, in August this year and he's a changed child. Worth every penny for us despite the compromises we need to make financially. DD will join him for secondary as our local high school isn't great and violence is common.
I've lost friends over the decision as there are people out there with quite wild views about private school. One friend who was particularly vocal (but has a great catchment secondary school for her DC) has just mortgaged herself to the moon to get 'the house'. A 30 year mortgage at 45 which will cost the same as our school fees. So, it's all about choices really...

It’s very different if your dc have finished school because it was a lot cheaper in the past! We haven’t completely ruled it out but I think we will go state however it depends on the dc & what schools are available to you. I do think private offers better sport & art facilities but 25ks worth? I’m not sure.

It really depends on your child what area you live in etc. We have twins and one goes to a brilliant free local grammar school - the other has been to a different local grammar and then two local private high schools because she has SEN needs and needs the smaller class sizes for her sensory overload problems. If I am honest the free local grammar has been a better experience for my son than my daughter's two private schools....but she could cope at these and is now thriving. She was refusing school when she was at a local grammar.
Personally I would just move to a good state school area and pay for tutors and extra curriculars.

Yes. It doesn't sound like you'd be scraping by and the sacrifices you've listed don't mean all that much to me (never been one for fancy handbags and don't care to move to a bigger nice house and as long as I have some holidays I'm good).
If it was a case of being in an overcrowded house, no holidays, risk of not paying the mortgage then no.

I don't know the answer but just to let you know not moving to a bigger house, have less holidays and not having expensive handbags would not be what most people class as "struggling".

To add another anecdote - DS went to private prep (absolutely worth it, happy to pay) private from 11-16 (shouldn't have bothered, crap GSCEs, self esteem on the floor) and now is in state sixth form college (flourishing, high aspirations and much better self esteem). So who knows.

However, I used to work in the accounts office of a different private school, and if you're stretched for fees then it isn't worth the misery as a parent in my opinion. For every favoured child at a private school who's parents think its absolutely worth it, there are another 5 parents with children who aren't thriving to the same extent and who feel slightly ill each time the school bill arrives, don't really think it's worth it and wouldn't do it again.

It depends entirely on the individual circumstances, but for us yes it has been entirely worth it.

We now have a happy confident well rounded thriving young man who is doing well at uni. But he struggled so much with the bullying at state school before we moved him.

At the time, half our income went on school fees and yes it was a struggle, but completely worth it. I honestly don’t know if he would even have still been alive if we hadn’t changed schools.

(And before people pile on about moving to another state school, there weren’t any.)