Son 16.5 yrs. and home after drinking alcohol

She says in her OP that he wasn’t drunk. I suspect he was a little tipsy. I think he needs to know that he’s too young to be out drinking, and certainly on a week day, but he can have an occasional beer at home.

Glad you are not involving his father. Totally unnecessary to include him if he’s aggressive.

I’m amazed that so many people are fine with a 16 year old coming home drunk on a school night. That doesn’t seem to be the start of a healthy relationship with alcohol.

Wow, very sensible coming home at 8pm, why tell his father who you know will be OTT?

At that age I would be staying over at a friend's house and much much later!

You're his Mum, you buy him beer, have a word.

Eh? MN is baffling sometimes. Her son is 16 and drinking. The fact he’s 18 in 18 months is a bizarre point to make, he’s 16 now.

@preparingforit how on earth does it breach your trust? I guess your son should just stay at home then while all his friends meet up. In 18 months he could well be at Uni, and the people who were restrained like this prior were the ones who were completely out of control at Uni.

@preparingforit you owe your son a massive apology

Soooo you are ok with buying him a few beers, but not with him drinking them?!? What mixed messaging you are sending. And why on earth would you tell his abusive dad. Your poor boy. He probably doesn't know whether he's coming or going.

No need to pay. You can simply post links here and I will happily order full text from our research librarian.

I’m an intelligent human being with a degree, postgrad degree and an IQ that makes me eligible for Mensa. I got horribly drunk at 15 and had to be carried down a road by some friends because I’d lost my ability to both walk and see.

My brain is fine. I wouldn’t worry.

You crack on getting your factual posts deleted. Enjoy your day.

not sure why even mentioned the dad thing.surely if thats case it wouldnt come up as option.
buy\supply - practive ?drink respnsibly drop of/pick up.... is your choice as parent.i think resonble enough.
theres a chapter missing tho-- if grasp at mibees id think-you were unaware son going to be do that kinda sociaalising...as said ok with ityour objection been prefer kept informed?
slurring../wrse fr wear might= feel low

shitty todqy.
crying tho? ...why?what happens when you get very upset with him?

Better he comes home pissed than gets drunk in the park and stays out all night at a friends house, pukes on their carpet and lies to you.

I wouldn't involve his dad - why inflame the situation?

You've likely got another year of this, better to be the parent he can call upon while he learns his limits.

I am not sure what your issue is.

If he is drinking regularly, even just a couple on a regular basis, I wouldn't be very happy. It's too young to be regularly consuming alcohol. Liver and brain are not fully developed. And where is he getting the money from? Or, more importantly, who is supplying it. This scenario would need investigation. But not necessarily involving an aggressive absent parent.

If he has wobbled in a bit worse for wear and it's not happened before, then I really wouldn't worry about it. Definitely wouldn't involve aggressive absent parent. I would more go along the lines of explaining that body not fully developed, not a good idea, maybe back it it up with links to YouTube videos etc.

But you can't say you don't mind buying him alcohol then moan if he drinks some.

OP has left the building after the post

Okay, share it here, then! The OP will sign, I'm sure.

Bit much

Is that level of pedantry really necessary?

Your post is very confusing.

You say he had a couple of drinks and wasn't drunk, you also say that you don't mind buying him a few beers. So why were you upset with him and why is he now crying?

Why would it even cross your radar to mention it to his dad, as they don't really have much of a relationship, it's not really any of dad's business.

You are buying alchol for him.
What do you expect to happen?
He has your approval.

How confusing for him.
You need to be clear with him on what you expect.

Poor boy has things hard enough with a father like that.

I didn’t tell my kids dad when they did this at similar ages and they drank until they were very drunk. He’s an Every Other Weekend sort of dad who doesn’t parent since we split so I don’t feel guilty. It would annoy me more if I talked to him about this and he acted like he was an involved parent or didn’t say anything. I’ve handled all the parenting since he left and accept that.

I’ve had experiences drinking when I suddenly realise that I’ve had too much so it’s not reasonable for my kids to know to stop drinking before they reach that point too.

I didn’t tell them off but I was clear that if this was a regular thing then I wouldn’t be so understanding. Their hangover and feeling shit the next day was lesson enough. They drink but are more mindful and it’s not a regular thing which is healthy imo.

They were all told to look out for the other members of the group that they drink with. A couple of times they had to call another parent to pick up their child which is totally the right thing to do - I wouldn’t want a child to die sleeping outdoors or come to harm like that NHS worker who was raped to death while unconscious. I used child as in offspring of adults rather than very young people btw - my kids are young adults and I call them my children because that’s what they are.

It also helped that they accepted that they’d had too much to drink and were embarrassed about it. If they’d denied it or did it again then I wouldn’t be so chill. TBH I worry more about drugs. So many stories about them being spiked with other stuff and the devastation caused by the people forced into the industry (County Lines, people in developing countries making it etc )

So you're ok with him drinking? In which case just don't tell his dad. You say you'll buy him drinks so why were you upset with him.
Lots of people that age do drink. They can get served in shops and pubs and many have jobs, so there's little you can do to ban it. His dad sounds horrible so don't involve him in what your son gets up to for fun.

Actually the Germans and the Russians are also not welcome in many countries. Is that because some of them may have had an alcoholic beverage at 16 too?

The highest percentage of patients in the US with liver disease have NAFLD, followed by hepatitis related LD. Alcohol exposure does not begin to represent as much of a risk as, say, being obese.

it is an extreme over reaction and misunderstanding of the data to be quite so hysterical about a 16yo who probably had 3pints. Once.

Why would you even think of telling his absent Father if you know he’s a bully and an arse.
It’s normal for teens to experiment with drink. It doesn’t sound like he was totally blotto and obviously is scared of your reaction so probably wont try it again for a while. I think you need to chill out about it. He came safely home , that’s the main thing.

@Marblesbackagain
No it's not. I suggest you read your jurisdictions medical research in the ridiculous increase of 30 and below year olds needing transplants due to alcohol abuse.
It is blatantly obvious due to the cavalier attitude to under age drinking what's fueling it."

I haven't in detail searched every medical journal - but the studies I have been able to find are US based and largely put the risk of younger adults needing a transplant down to alcohol use during covid. Those studies say around half of the people on the transplant list are on there due to alcohol cirrhosis.

Looking at the UK stats - in 2019 there were 334 people on the transplant list rising to 697 in 2023 - if we assume that the American stats around half being alcohol related apply then the risk of needing a liver transplant for alcohol related reasons has increased from 1 in 400,000 to 2 in 400,000 based on population.

To put that into context - the risk of dying in a road traffic accident is 1 in 42,000!

The number of teens experimenting with alcohol is reducing massively - In 2023 37% of 11 to 15 year olds reported ever having consumed alcohol and 7% in the last week, down from 44% in 2016 with 10% in the last week.

In 1996 the figures were 62% having ever consumed alcohol and 26% in the last week.

So no, lax attitudes to teens experimenting with a few beers is not contributing to an uptick in younger adults needing liver transplants!

However, I understand why your personal experience may influence your views on this!