A bit of backstory, I (29f) have been very close to my sister (41f) since our mother passed about 10 years ago. We have always lived quite close to each other but a couple of years ago I moved away to live with my now ex partner, everything was great for about a year until he started to become more and more abusive towards me, I stuck it out though until it started becoming physical in our last year together.
I visited my sister and broke down and told her everything, to this day she's still the only person who knows the full extent of how bad it had been for me. I begged her to let me move in with her and she said I couldn't live in the house since her and her husband were expecting their third child so needed the spare room but I could park my van in their garage and stay in it for as long as I needed.
I was so relieved and started making plans immediately to break up with my partner and get away from him as soon as possible. I pretended I was refurbishing my work van so we could travel in it and he luckily didn't question it, I spent all of my savings converting it so it had a sleeping area, a toilet and a tiny kitchen.
I was about a week away from leaving when I received a phone call from my sister, we hadn't discussed rent yet but I had stupidly assumed from our conversations that I would just be able to pay for the cost of the electricity I would be using and then of course when I was back on my feet and had found a new job I could start paying them a bit more.
She said she had discussed it with her husband and they had come up with a list of rules I had to agree to before I could move in, this included childsitting and petsitting as and when needed (unpaid), helping in the garden and around the house and driving my sister to hospital appointments when her husband couldn't, I would have to provide everything for myself but I could use their shower if I needed to. I agreed to all of it but then she said the rent would be £375 a month as well. I was shocked, I really wasn't expecting it to be so high especially when I had agreed to everything else.
I begged her to give me a bit of leeway for the first couple of months since there was nowhere else I could go, she said it was non negotiable and it was still cheaper than renting a room somewhere else (about £450-£550 in our area), I was desperate and just wanted to be near family so I agreed. This did mean I had to wait an extra 3 months to leave my ex so I could save up enough money and it was honestly the worst 3 months of my life.
I lived with them for about 2 years in the end, I loved being able to see my nieces and nephews everyday but the van was cold and damp and I eventually developed pneumonia so moved out as soon as I had enough money saved for a deposit to rent a flat nearby. I still see my sister but honestly I have become quite resentful towards her which I know is petty since she did let me move in when she could have just said no, but I'm finding it hard to get past what happened.
Fast forward 6 months and I unexpectedly won a bit of money in the lottery, I play a couple times a months but never won anything until now, it wasn't a huge amount but I was so thrilled because it meant along with my savings I had enough to put down a deposit on a one bed flat I had fallen in love with, with a bit left over to fix it up and finally have a proper place of my own.
I hadn't heard from my sister for a couple of weeks but when I told her that I had won some money she started crying and said she wanted to meet up with me. I agreed of course, turns out she's been wanting to leave her husband for a long time but could never afford to move out with 3 kids, I was shocked because they always seemed really close but she has apparently been unhappy for a while. He's not abusive towards her thank god but she has described him as 'boring' in the past and says he never wants to do anything or go anywhere with her.
She's asked if I can give her half of my winnings so she can find a house to rent and pay the deposit on it with enough for the first 6 months or so of rent until she finds a new job, I said I couldn't do that as there wouldn't be enough for the flat I wanted and I have already began talking to a solicitor. I said I could give her the money I was going to use to refurbish the flat but that's it.
This escalated into a huge argument where she called me ungrateful, said she had supported me when I wanted to leave my partner, said I didn't love her or her kids and that if I didn't help her then she never wanted to see me again.
I am honestly so upset about the whole ordeal, the thought of never seeing my nieces and nephews again breaks my heart and I wish there was a way I could help my sister without losing out on buying a home for myself.
Our father and cousins have all contacted me saying I'm being selfish and I need to help my sister out after she helped me, I just don't know what the right thing to do would be. AIBU?