A few years ago, I remember Christmas used to feel really special. Even as an adult, it felt so special and exciting, family time was always hard to come by and I loved it.
Three years ago, two weeks before Christmas my gran got diagnosed with terminal cancer. I remember I was at uni, preparing a flat Christmas dinner when I got a call from my mum saying I had to get on a train home then and there. I had to drop everything and go home, and from then it was just caring for my gran. She did four days after Christmas.
From then on family Christmas kind of stopped, I remember that Christmas Day was awful, we went to see my gran who by that point had full time carers with her, and she couldn't remember who we were. We went home for Christmas dinner and just got absolutely wasted because we couldn't cope.
I don't think I ever moved past it and now Christmas just feels flat. It gets to this time of year and I'm just begging for it to be over, my sister has young children so that's nice when we're with them, but apart from that it's just the same old shit but it's cold and dark.
I don't want to be this person, Christmas used to be my favourite time of year and I just want to get some of that joy back. How do you do it?