No attraction to husband - what to do

She sure did feel the same way. She seems she wasted his time just to have a roof over her head.

pack the kids of to grandparents/family if you can and go for a mini break, spend some time together - see how you feel after that

I've been married to two attractive men ( put it like this, other women find them attractive) in both cases any sexualdesire went out the window after about 3 years if I'm very honest. I just don't particularly like sex , never have really - I'm 62 though now and just have kind of accepted that this is how I am made. I can't actually fake it either as I just tense up.

What does DH think about the lack of intimacy?

I absolutely went through this phase/stage (got together at 20, kids late 20s, now in my mid 40s). I can even relate to the fictional fantasies. It lasted a good few years but it really did come back. Obv only you can make that decision but my advice would be to absolutely be patient….marriage/relationships will always be changing over time, as are we as people - you need to give your family a chance.

You are wise beyond your years.😂

Op, this is great advice

Sure! It really depends on what you like. If you give me a bit of direction I can recommend some great authors.

E.g if you prefer a particular time period or genre. There's everything from sci-fi to bodyguards to werewolves to dark erotica (which is things like dub con, kidnapping etc) to bdsm to contemporary to sports teams to reverse harem to end of the world, to fantasy (which is things like fairies) 😁

If you would like to dip your toe in and you want a fun read then Sookh Kaur writes contemporary romance with a sprinkle of erotica. I would say hers are a holiday read, but her characters are diverse.

But I have read everything under the sun in the erotic/romance catagory so I can give you loads of recommendations if you feel comfortable sharing about your interests :)

Early 20s is very young to settle down with someone. You change a lot at that age. Don’t worry too much, as no couple with young kids has a regular burning desire to ravage each other and is having tons of amazing sex.

But if you really don’t feel any attraction at all, maybe think why it might be. You say he’s providing you with a lifestyle you could never imagine. Would you be equally as attracted to him if he had no money? If not, could it be the lifestyle that attracted you more than the man? What’s his personality like? Do you have a laugh together? Is he caring to you or does he act like providing financially is all you should expect or is too exhausted from a demanding job?

Could it be because you feel you have few choices with him? Maybe you feel a bit stuck and unappreciated? Do you work outside the home? Do you have meaningful relationships with friends? If not, it might help to start planning your own life for when the kids are at school, so that you have more autonomy and financial independence. That might help your mindset towards him. But if you’re still no longer attracted to him, at least you’d have more choice about whether to end the relationship.

Life’s short. There’s no point being with someone you really don’t want to have sex with, ever. But long relationships do ebb and flow. So, I’d say, don’t expect perfection and work on yourself.

OP this is completely normal. Desire for most women isn’t something that switches on in the bedroom like a lamp. Your DH needs to show you affection outside of the bedroom.

Check out the libido fairy on instagram. My XH and I probably could have saved our marriage if we’d remained affectionate towards each other outside of the bedroom.

It's sad that you think the norm is to stop being attracted to your partner after a period of time. It's not.

I think OP saying she doesn't fancy her husband anymore is different to losing the spark as everyone seems to be saying.. the spark can be reignited, lust can be lost but found again, however I think no longer finding your husband attractive is a bit deeper and can never return. Imo.

Can you recommend some novels or writers please?

@newmumpat you’ll get so many different viewpoints on this but only you know how you truly feel. I had the same feelings and I batted them off for a long time, years actually! And it just came to a point where I was sleeping with him as little as possible in order to keep him sweet. I hated it. I didn’t fancy him in anyway anymore. And it just went downhill from there. If you don’t fancy someone then I think it’s not long after that You lose the love. To be honest, I lived like that for a while also as I had quite a good life. But then overtime traits of his that I looked past due to loving him became increasingly unbearable, I lost the respect, felt so let down and I realised that actually life could be better. So I left him.

that video linked above annoyed me in the first minute, I don’t think it’s fair to put her alcoholism/drug use problems on her parents divorce…she could have ended up with that addiction anyway to be honest. But as I say I didn’t watch it all so maybe she addresses that.

With young children? It's normal.
Truthfully, my husband just really annoyed me for no reason for about a year after I had our baby.

Birth control can lower women's libido and it can also make it difficult to orgasm.

Remember for women our arousal starts in our minds. I highly recommend erotic romance novels. They aren't like they used to be. Some are incredibly well written and have great plots outside of the sex. But the sex part is great for getting your brain interested without pressure.

It is very common in long term relationships. If you’d have said you never really fancied him (that was me) i’d have said to leave. But the fact is you did, and it’s since children came along that you don’t, which suggests it’s salvageable. How is your DH with the low libido? Is he putting pressure on you to have more sex?

Sometimes I think the more sex you have, the more you want it, but if you’re not feeling into it, then forcing yourself to isn’t good. Are you bored with the sex? Could you spice things up a little? Love honey have some fun advent calendars so add’s a bit of spice into things. Depends if you’d like that I guess. Sometimes it’s just boredom with mediocre sex and spicing things up a little can change things. Even if just buying some of their massage oil to kick things off. Up to you, just an idea, sure some would be horrified by the suggestion!

You are in a long term relationship to a good man and a good father. It is yotay normal not to feel "lust"... It is also totally normal for it to fluctuate and come in waves throughout your lifetime.

If you are truly unhappy and think you could love someone else then that is valid... But i would also consider whether your mindset has run out of control and is influencing your feelings.

We are inundated with a Hollywood version of sex and how people are, and it is normal for some people to have sex every day. It is also normal for life to get on top of us for a few years and all we can see is how they chew with their mouths open and leave socks on the floor lol.

Anyway, all that to say... If he is a good man and you love him, try reframing your thoughts and make dating each other a priority. It sounds like you can afford a bit of extra help to free up some time for each other.

Imagine if you split up and he got all dolled up in date mode to focus his attention and charm someone else- would you be upset?
Theres a difference between moulded to the sofa in a onesie husband of x years and the date mode fitness drive version - but they're still the same man.
If you were wrong about who he is then that's different to just being bored of your steady safe life - you need to work through your feelings so you dont do anything you might regret later.

I wouldn’t worry too much. I think it’s normal for marriages to have unsexy phases especially when kids are young.

Have you tried fantasising during sex? I think more people do it than admit to it honestly.

Anyone who has been married for 10-20 years knows both parties change so much. It follows from your post one needs to change the husband every so often to accommodate those changes

Married too young. Your preferences may have changed. How old is your husband?

Give it time. I had this but it’s many years later now and it all came around again and I fancy him now more than ever. Love is complicated and life is hard . This might be good for you to watch