To think he's overly involved with his chaotic ex?

Old me would have been all over him trying to help him and support him. He can find one of those women to date. You don't have time for that.

You have boundaries
He doesn't

He is overly empathetic with a savior complex. Probably a nice guy but do you want this life?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. But I don't think he is either. This is the mother and sibling of his child and I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who could ignore that. However I definitely wouldn't be able to tolerate the situation if I was you, and I think you're right to step away for the time being. You have to prioritise your children and this won't be good for them. He should also be ble to give all his attention to making a stable life for his child, and a relationship would detract from that at the moment.

He's waaaaay too involved. Definitely move on from this one.

I would run as fast as my little legs would carry me from this shit show.

You really don’t. But personally I could not and would not deal with this. This is supposed to be the fun bit. I get a bit prickly at the mere mention of ex partners in the early days of a relationship so this is far too much. I’d be inclined to say ‘Sorry, but this is all a bit too Jeremy Kyle for me. I wish you and your ex all the best.’

The allegations alone would be enough for me to step away. If she's happy to make false allegations about her child's dad, the one who is actually looking after the child and preventing him from going into care, then she will have no issues making allegations against you when she decides she's unhappy with you being on the scene.

Hi op. I don't yabu but I do think this is a lot of drama to get involved in. I would walk away personally, it'll only get worse and you'll always have someone else's shit to deal with. While I do feel really sorry for the ex ultimately it sounds like she is in a huge mess and you're just going to get dragged into it.

You're not an arsehole but you need to put yourself and your own kids first. You don't need to bring all this drama into their lives.

I would probably walk away. You're definitely not an arsehole and he's doubtless doing what he thinks is best to help keep two parents for his child but it's not your problem and so early you shouldn't be his confidante. Please don't invest hours in listening to him offload. You've got your own life, worries, wins, day to day.

I don't think he's necessarily being unreasonable. Hower it's a shit show and not one I'd be a part of even if I didn't have kids.

Survey you can't be that desperate for a partner, don't do this to your children

Does he like to be needed? He sounds that way. He does seem overly involved especially as his child is hearing about it instead of being shielded.

If this is what he is like now I dread to think what your relationship would be like in 6 months time, he might try to involve you in his ex’s care. I think it’s mean he let his dc sibling go into care.

I don’t think you come off as an asshole at all.

You’re allowed to want a relationship that is uncomplicated. Personally I have a lot of boundaries now around the kind of drama that I don’t want to take on in a new relationship, which includes chaotic exes, mental heath problems, toxic families, certain chronic health conditions, addictions of any kind or a party lifestyle.

Not saying anyone dealing with those issues is a bad person or doesn’t deserve love, I just like my peaceful life and don’t want to disrupt it.

Neither of you are in the wrong. I can see why he is involved but I can also see why you wouldn't want that in your life. I wouldn't either. I would wish him well but walk away.

It's certainly not an ideal situation when you're in a new relationship and I don't blame you for feeling it's all a bit much! But - she is his child's mother and she is unwell so I can understand him wanting to help and support her. He is obviously worried about her harming herself and can imagine the impact on their son if the worst should happen. I think it's admirable that he hasn't washed his hands of her.

I think you're right though that he's not in a place where he can give enough time or attention to a new relationship and it might be better for you if you walked away now.

Good God no. This has disaster written all over it. Do yourself and your kids a favour and wish him well and walk away

He's isn't being unreasonable by putting his son first. He won't want his son to lose his Mum so naturally will try to help her where he can.

You aren't being unreasonable by questioning if this is too much for you to feel comfortable with. Personally I would wish him well as he is clearly a kind a lovely person but I wouldn't pursue a relationship as you'll always be 3rd in the pecking order.

If you went on to have kids with him, you'll never be done with Social Workers and The Police contacting you about the ex.

Social services will likely be wanting to get his view on her abilities as a mother since he has a child with her.

I don't think he's in the wrong to be as involved as he is. This other kid is his child's siblings after all. But I do think he has too much going on in his life to be entertaining a romantic relationship.

I disagree. His own child, and that child’s half-sibling, have a chaotic home, and any good person would prioritise (a) the child (children, depending on the involvement of the other dad, and (b) the mother’s stability in the hope of supporting her towards a better future relationship with her kids.

You don’t. It is just too much to get involved in. I don’t think it will work out for you while he is so distracted.