House mice and DH

A practical approach iwould be a box at a time especially if your house move boxes are by type rather than room. E.g. toys, books, stationery etc. not bedroom 1.

You wrote that you like to see what is being thrown away, so you need to be manage this decluttering task. If your DH wants the process to be faster, he needs to help. If he doesn't help, he and children do something else while you sort.

Team effort or solo, take time to start first box. 3 piles - keep, bin or give away/charity. Some people have a 4th sell pile but be realistic about second hand value, time needed to advertise, reply to responses and delivery/collection time. Repeat until you reach the last box.

Bin pile goes straight outside or to household waste/dump.
Charity - into car or by front door for next time you're near a charity shop
Freebies - listed straight away
Hand me downs - photograph sent to intended recipient with a collection deadline
Keep - put away straight away

It took time to accumulate the stuff and it will take time to clear. Consider an audio book, album, podcast you'd enjoy while sorting and play that in the background.

I thought a hoarder is someone who likes to hold on to stuff

A hoarder is someone who can’t get rid of stuff. That sounds like you

I should really be taking at least 3 months off work but work won’t allow me.

Should you?! If you serially think you need 3 months off work to sort this-you have a massive problem.

We are moving early next year. We have 3 kids. Ever since we decided to move we’ve been very gradually sorting/decluttering so that we’re not moving with stuff we don’t want in the new house. I take a couple of bags to the charity shop every week, and we have a skip coming after Christmas for all the stuff that isn’t suitable to be passed on.

You’re a hoarder and sound a total nightmare. You’re lucky your husband didn’t just throw all your shite in a skip before you moved

I am NOT saying you are a hoarder think peopke who hoard often do not realise they do it. Do you find you sort and resort things moving it about a lot. Do you have to check what goes or will you trust someone else to do it? Do you spend a lot of time sorting through things others might not e.g jam jars or other recycling.

@longapple

so? who cares what you or your mum did that was so perfect? OP said "Any advice on tidying or tolerating a grumpy DH would be much appreciated."
I didn't see her asking for harshly delivered mental illness diagnoses (some of you could do with some help with your bedside manner if you really think this is how to tell someone they're ill) or to be berated with stories of how much better other people are and how rubbish she is. Making someone feel worse in this kind of situation isn't helpful in the slightest.

Bit Harsh (again).

The pp was saying it possible , if organised to be moved in and packed away.
As for the grumpy dh , wouldn't you be if you were surrounded by clutter in your own home.

Start January and throw out the number of things to correspond to what day it is. So 1 thing on the 1st of Jan, 2 on the second etc.
Tell the family what you are doing and get everyone to help. Perhaps take it in turn to have a day.
I say throw out but you could put in a charity bag/ throw out as long as it's clear nothing comes out of the charity bag once it's in there.

Thing is the only advice is that She needs to sort it or let hee husband sort it out. Her husband isn’t wrong so it’s not how to put up with him advice.

It’s how the hell has he and the children managed to put up with the amount of clutter/mess that would take 3 months to sort out, unless ops the speed of a slug that’s a lot of stuff in a lot of rooms.

Op needs a change of mindset. Nobody needs to keep things just incase Bob 10 houses down might one day need a Nokia 3310 charger.

@longapple, l was replying to you rather than @HugeDeal. Have you ever lived with a hoarder? I have and it is very frustrating and embarrassing. I grew up in a clean and tidy home and work hard to keep it that way. It means setting boundaries and tidying up behind DH. He is a recovering hoarder. Of course I am sympathetic towards @HugeDeal and other hoarders, but the simple fact is that hoarding is unhealthy, both physically and mentally for everyone who lives in these conditions and not confined to the hoarder themselves.

@HugeDeal in the UK I know a few folks that really help with this stuff.

Heather Tingle is in Yorkshire but has an online community, course, workbook and podcast and dies a free challenge etc occasionally. The Facebook group is very very supportive. https://www.untangledbytingle.com

then there is a fabulous duo Lesley and Ingrid from The Declutter Hub. Met them a few times at business conferences and they are lovely. Fantastic podcast. Lovely group again.
https://declutterhub.com

so? who cares what you or your mum did that was so perfect? OP said "Any advice on tidying or tolerating a grumpy DH would be much appreciated."
I didn't see her asking for harshly delivered mental illness diagnoses (some of you could do with some help with your bedside manner if you really think this is how to tell someone they're ill) or to be berated with stories of how much better other people are and how rubbish she is. Making someone feel worse in this kind of situation isn't helpful in the slightest.

If it’s all in boxes and you’re not using it… how useful or needed is it? Just bin it all unopened. Three minutes not three months. Stuff it all in one room and call a house clearance company. It’ll feel like when your browser crashes and you lose all your emotional support tabs – relief. It’s done.

This is no excuse. When I was growing up, we moved to one house on 18th December that year - exactly one week before Christmas. She worked full-time and had three children - admitedly older than @HugeDeal's children would appear to be. She has always been incredibly organised and, by Christmas day, not only was the house completely straight, including the Christmas decorations in place, but she catered for twelve people for Christmas. When we moved last year, my mother was coming to stay one week after we moved in. This was a great incentive for me to have the house ready for her visit. It was completely straight except for one bedroom which had piles of boxes. As soon as I could, that room was guest ready, too.

@longapple
Bit harsh
Op is a Hoarder, can't really sugar coat it.....
This will not be a quick fix either a few boxes.

Yep
Useful to someone else ... not even the op.
I'd say charity shop for this elusive' someone else ... but it would fall on deaf ears as it's just a snake screen to keeping / hoarding it.

DH and I decluttered steadily over the last couple of years. It was a joint project, which makes a big difference, and we did it bit by bit. I can reassure you that we haven’t missed a single thing we got rid of. And the house feels so much more manageable. I definitely second the ‘everything has a place’ rule.

A hoarder will make excuse after excuse why they can't / haven't sorted it yet - won't get better without therapy.

THIS
You'll deny this till the cows come home......but it is bang on.
Get therapy , it's a mental health condition and there is no Shame in it.
It's not fair on your kids though ...

bloody hell what a pile on, she's got 3 kids, works full time and some of us sometimes want to do something other than cleaning and tidying, it can just take being ill for things to tip over into a clutter snowball. She's asking for help not to be told she's the problem BURN THE HOARDER, how is that meant to be helpful?!

OP I agree, throwing away good stuff is stupid and often the easiest route of giving it to a charity shop isn't great as unless it's pristine it's often chucked away anyway. What kind of things are you talking about? There are often places to donate things where they will actually be used if they can like baby banks, and there are often local buy nothing or freecycle groups where you can offer stuff up to people.

It takes longer but what has worked for me is being methodical. Give yourself one hour to get through as much as possible - I have 5 boxes - keep, bin, sell, charity, freecycle in that hour really focus on splitting things between those boxes, then bag the stuff for charity and ask your husband to take it to the charity shop straight away while you photograph and list the stuff to give away or sell and put away the things to keep. Honestly it makes an impact fast.

I was like this when my OH moved in. The worst thing was that I couldn't find things when I wanted them, so there was no point keeping them just in case.

I did manage to break the habit and tidied one drawer or cupboard at a time. Having a place for everything and getting rid of things that no longer had a use.

Life is so much easier when you can find the things you do use, because all the crap you don't isn't in the way.

Yeah you’re the issue not him. He would throw away stuff and be done. You need or want to look at every tiny item before anyone can throw it out. That’s not healthy.

Im more surprised his not just started binning it all. I would have.

3 months to declutter that’s a serious amount of crap op. I’ve moved heavily pregnant and then gave birth fast once in and I didn’t have boxes laying around for more than a couple of weeks max.

A hoarder is someone who has so much accumulated ‘stuff’ they need to take 3 months off work to go through it. They also tend to get highly stressed at the thought of someone else going through it and throwing things away because they need to have some control over the ‘stuff’.

I’ve a got a house mouse at the moment… I’m torn between declaring war on him and getting him out .. or feeling a bit sorry for him and letting* him stay as it’s cold - and nearly Christmas. The Ddog knows he’s here, as he goes searching for him every morning. Too soft for mine own good. Bet he’s telling his mouse mates and by January I’ll hav3 to burn the house down to shift the ruddy things. 🐭

@HugeDeal "The problem is I like to know what gets thrown away"

This is basically the problem, and it's a 'you' problem not a 'DH' one.

It would appear that he would have done it by now, while you're talking about needing 3 months off work to do it

Tbf if its all in boxes that you think would take 3 months to sort and the house functions whilst all this stuff is in boxes then you don't need it. Don't bother sorting any of it let dh take them unopened to the tip. I'm ruthless though if it's not needed,useful or loved out it goes.