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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to love the idea of spending Xmas alone? (One for fellow introverts) ...

86 replies

HanG77 · 12/12/2024 20:52

I'm mid-40s and I have never spent Xmas alone. I've always split it between divorced parents to keep them happy (with all the drama that involves) or done what past partners wanted. I recently bought my first place and got my first dog, and I just want it to be us, snuggled up and chilling out, eating good food, watching what I want on TV in my own home. No plans. No people over. No travel. I'm not Bah Humbug! I like Xmas, I’ve bought presents, I plan to see people on other days in the holidays etc. I just really love my own space and company. To me I think I am living the dream but every person I have told has looked at me in pity and I could tell they thought I was putting on a brave face. (For background I have had three other options but declined as this is genuinely what I want to do. I'm happily single, childless, not Christian so the day itself doesn't hold a special significance and I live close to my family so see them all the time – and me spending alone hasn’t left any of them who wouldn’t want to be alone without company on the day). I came on Mumsnet hoping to find some fellow introverts doing this but it's only threads of people spending it alone and not being happy about it. Please tell me I am not alone in liking being alone. I feel like an alien.

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HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:40

Gettingbysomehow · 12/12/2024 21:33

I spend most christmases alone, I don't see why I should be forced to celebrate it when I'm not a christian.
My DS amd DiL are an atheist and a buddhist and they can't be bothered either, we all work hard so we just want to relax at home on these extra days off.
There is no way I'm trecking hundreds of miles round the country in winter on icy roads to see people I can jusr as easily visit during the year.
Its not as if any elderly relative is going to be on their own, they have other people going over.
Stand firm and say either you are not well or you are not doing it this year end of.
The last time I was pressured into a xmas I didn't want someone gave me their cold which turned into pneumonia and I ended up very ill having to take three weeks off work.
It might be fun when the kids are small but it certainly isn't now.

Blimey, its weird how that happens, things can go wrong when we don't trust our inner voice and mine is telling me to have a peaceful alone one.

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HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:38

mrsrabbit33 · 12/12/2024 21:29

This sounds lovely.
Not an option for me with young dc and family coming over but I would absolutely love a day to myself to just unapologetically sit on my arse, watching what I want, eating what I want and being cosy and peaceful.
Also aware that when the time for that comes I'll probably miss the noise and chaos.

There's definitely pros and cons for both, I have loved past Xmas Days which have been busy and social, I am just definitely in a "sit on my arse" mood this year 😂

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HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:37

dentress2000 · 12/12/2024 21:28

I think it's easier to enjoy a Christmas Day alone knowing you have family and friends around you the rest of the year/ options elsewhere. Then it's through choice. Speak to people who have no choice but to spend it alone and it will be a bit different.

I totally get that. I know and appreciate I am lucky to have options, My post wasn't meant to imply that being alone at Xmas is amazing full stop (obviously it is totally dependent on a person's individual circumstances), it was meant to be lighthearted. I wanted to find fellow introverts (or people happy in their own company) as often I feel judged for liking being alone, particularly at times where its not seen as socially acceptable, like Xmas.

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Gettingbysomehow · 12/12/2024 21:37

dentress2000 · 12/12/2024 21:28

I think it's easier to enjoy a Christmas Day alone knowing you have family and friends around you the rest of the year/ options elsewhere. Then it's through choice. Speak to people who have no choice but to spend it alone and it will be a bit different.

Why are they only visiting at xmas? If there is an old lonely person that needs company they need regular visits all year round. Most elderly people I know don't care about xmas, they care about having people over as often as they can throughout the year.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/12/2024 21:33

I spend most christmases alone, I don't see why I should be forced to celebrate it when I'm not a christian.
My DS amd DiL are an atheist and a buddhist and they can't be bothered either, we all work hard so we just want to relax at home on these extra days off.
There is no way I'm trecking hundreds of miles round the country in winter on icy roads to see people I can jusr as easily visit during the year.
Its not as if any elderly relative is going to be on their own, they have other people going over.
Stand firm and say either you are not well or you are not doing it this year end of.
The last time I was pressured into a xmas I didn't want someone gave me their cold which turned into pneumonia and I ended up very ill having to take three weeks off work.
It might be fun when the kids are small but it certainly isn't now.

HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:29

miniaturepixieonacid · 12/12/2024 21:25

I would LOVE this. As the single, able bodied, non elderly adult in my family, I spend the 22nd-27th driving a minimum of 2.5 hours every one of those days to make sure I get to everyone at both ends of the country and get disabled and elderly family members to see family with children. I hate Christmas.

In 2020 I was alone due to various zone and bubble rules that I can't remember. I ate chicken nuggets in my pyjamas while watching Christmas films and cuddling my cat. Best Christmas ever!

Ha! ha! The chicken nuggets had me. I'm getting ingredients in for a roast but I suspect it'll be wine and crisps all day. That sounds like hard work, I bet your family are really grateful but I can see why that is no fun and knackering. I hope you get a more chilled out one someday.

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7ft1garysson · 12/12/2024 21:29

It sounds like a blissful day, enjoy ☺️

mrsrabbit33 · 12/12/2024 21:29

This sounds lovely.
Not an option for me with young dc and family coming over but I would absolutely love a day to myself to just unapologetically sit on my arse, watching what I want, eating what I want and being cosy and peaceful.
Also aware that when the time for that comes I'll probably miss the noise and chaos.

dentress2000 · 12/12/2024 21:28

I think it's easier to enjoy a Christmas Day alone knowing you have family and friends around you the rest of the year/ options elsewhere. Then it's through choice. Speak to people who have no choice but to spend it alone and it will be a bit different.

TotallyTwisted · 12/12/2024 21:26

I am happy spending Christmas alone. But I hate telling people that's what I plan to do, because as you say they just pity you. I only tell family my plans now, friends I usually just tell a white lie that I am spending it at one of my sisters' houses. Then everybody is happy! This Christmas I am spending the day chilling out by myself in my new home and I cannot bloody wait!

HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:26

Octopies · 12/12/2024 21:19

YANBU. I'm a similar age to you and have never just spent Christmas Day at home. It was looking likely that would happen this year, but I just found out BIL and SIL have decided they're not going away now and invited us over. It will be nice to spend time with them and our young nephew, but at the same time, I'm secretly a bit disappointed I have to leave the house and be sociable.

My evil side is thinking you could tell a white lie to them and stay at home? (I say this as someone who is actually so rubbish at lying!).

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miniaturepixieonacid · 12/12/2024 21:25

I would LOVE this. As the single, able bodied, non elderly adult in my family, I spend the 22nd-27th driving a minimum of 2.5 hours every one of those days to make sure I get to everyone at both ends of the country and get disabled and elderly family members to see family with children. I hate Christmas.

In 2020 I was alone due to various zone and bubble rules that I can't remember. I ate chicken nuggets in my pyjamas while watching Christmas films and cuddling my cat. Best Christmas ever!

HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:24

KitKatChunki · 12/12/2024 21:16

Dd and I are doing this this year. I've wrapped her presents and we will sit in the living room and unwrap them throughout the day, scoff chocs and yummy things and watch rubbish together and on our own devices and play lots of board games. We've not invited anyone else and it feels really fun for the first time in a while.

This sounds like a lovely Xmas, restful but indulgent, I hope you both have a lovely time.

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HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:22

theduchessofspork · 12/12/2024 21:09

Do it, sounds great.

I did it once, went to the Bahamas, on my own (it had been a rough year)

Wow, that sounds amazing, I always thought Xmas in the sun would be loads of fun. Sorry about the rough year though, I hope things are better now. If I didn't have my dog I'd be tempted to do something like this.

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ApiratesaysYarrr · 12/12/2024 21:22

Introvert here, loving with another introvert. This will be the first year for several years that one/both of the grown up kids (mine, grown up by the time we met) won't be at our place.

I love the kids, and partner is ok with them being over at Xmas as no expectations are set - we play board games, and if someone wants to take a bit of time out they can - but I suspect that he will especially enjoy this Xmas just the 2 of us, and I will enjoy it too.

Octopies · 12/12/2024 21:19

YANBU. I'm a similar age to you and have never just spent Christmas Day at home. It was looking likely that would happen this year, but I just found out BIL and SIL have decided they're not going away now and invited us over. It will be nice to spend time with them and our young nephew, but at the same time, I'm secretly a bit disappointed I have to leave the house and be sociable.

Wiserandolder · 12/12/2024 21:19

I totally understand.. I too am an introvert - my husband works offshore so I live alone for part of the year! I have grown up children with families and they are often round, but those moments it's just me and my Jack Russell are golden. Work is busy so I really appreciate complete peace and would have no problem with Christmas Day just doing my own thing.. enjoy!!

HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:19

Everintroverte · 12/12/2024 21:15

I would secretly quite like it. I'm divorced and have had my kids every Christmas for the last 6 years as ex is with his new fiancée and child in another country. This year he is here and has asked to have the kids, of course I said yes.

My boyfriend has asked me to spend the day with him and his kids. There is a part of me that just fancies a lie in, leisurely breakfast, walk and then grazing on Christmas food bits for the rest of the day with a nice bottle of wine.

That's a tough one, I guess you'd offend your boyfriend if you don't? Could you compromise and see them Boxing Day? A nice bottle of wine and grazing sounds lush.

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HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:17

AlertCat · 12/12/2024 21:06

I would love to do this. I’m lucky enough to be really happy and contented with the people I share my life with, but I do have a tiny fantasy Christmas where it’s just me and the dog. I’d have all the food and drinks I wanted, I’d spread the day out just as I wanted, watch and read and listen to whatever I wanted. It would be so lovely!

See, I thought people had this secret dream of a much simpler quieter Xmas (simply as life is so hectic, I love my family too but I want to do less this time of year), but talking to people has made me feel like I am alone, so thanks!

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ScottBakula · 12/12/2024 21:17

I will be spending it on my own too. No dcs ( by choice ) Db has got plans so it's going to be me and my mad cat

KitKatChunki · 12/12/2024 21:16

Dd and I are doing this this year. I've wrapped her presents and we will sit in the living room and unwrap them throughout the day, scoff chocs and yummy things and watch rubbish together and on our own devices and play lots of board games. We've not invited anyone else and it feels really fun for the first time in a while.

Everintroverte · 12/12/2024 21:15

I would secretly quite like it. I'm divorced and have had my kids every Christmas for the last 6 years as ex is with his new fiancée and child in another country. This year he is here and has asked to have the kids, of course I said yes.

My boyfriend has asked me to spend the day with him and his kids. There is a part of me that just fancies a lie in, leisurely breakfast, walk and then grazing on Christmas food bits for the rest of the day with a nice bottle of wine.

HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:15

CaveMum · 12/12/2024 21:11

I sort of did this years ago when I was single, aged about 20. I worked on a stud farm so we all had to go into work Christmas morning to feed the horses, etc. Half of us were then given the rest of the day off (the other half would get the same treatment on Boxing Day, and we only had to go back, get the horses in from the field, give them dinner then leave). So I went back to my empty house, cooked a small roast dinner for myself then spent the rest of the day/night on the sofa in my PJs with a tin of roses. Bliss!

See, that sounds like bliss to me too. I have one plan - to take the dog to the beach - then it's pjs and roast for one with extra spuds for me!

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HanG77 · 12/12/2024 21:13

Gowlett · 12/12/2024 21:05

Christmas is very busy for me, I work in events.
I’d love to just go to mass, then sit down with a glass of Baileys, posh chocs, new books / trashy mags & my presents. I’d watch Bridget Jones, Love Actually etc…

Even better if it was at a hotel, with DH / DS left at home!

😂I'm surprised my friends with young kids and very busy lives aren't a bit envious, but they've been worried about me being alone too. A hotel Xmas sounds bliss!

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LBFseBrom · 12/12/2024 21:13

I often wanted to do just the same, there's nothing weird about it at all, good for you.