For giving my sister the new baby gifts I received instead of the new one's?

Not unreasonable whether 18 months or 10 years.

She offered some items. Sister can say say yes or no. She (sister) can't ask for items that weren't offered .

I'm tired. But I do not follow

"

We saved a majority of these items for our next baby. However my in-laws again decided to throw us another baby shower for our second. They and our friends were very generous and bought us so many gifts we basically have duplicates of everything. "

So you got new things for first baby, saved them for second baby?

So have two lots of NEW things.

She sounds entitled. You’re doing her a kindness. You didn’t have to offer her any of it. Presuming of course you didn’t say “have the old stuff it isn’t good enough for me.” Equally she doesn’t have to accept it if she wants brand new gear but there are ways of declining graciously. “ Thanks but we’re sorted for x,y, z or thanks but we’ve decided we want to get stuff new for PFB.”

If she desperately wants a baby shower and a load of new gifts she can have one. Nothing to stop her surely? She could also presumably buy herself a bunch of new stuff?

If the stuff you are offering was clean and worked and things I needed, personally I would be delighted to receive them. New or not but then equally I wouldn’t be arsed about saving new stuff for baby 2.

Bit confused why you didn’t use the stuff you received for baby 1 at the time and saved it for baby 2 then (unless you had so much stuff or already had duplicates then) but not hugely relevant to who is being unreasonable.

What a load of old bollocks

Just keep all the gifts and when you are done having babies donate it all to charity. You offered it to your sister and she said no so that's the end of it.

At the moment, I don't think you're being unreasonable here but can I ask how old the first lot of baby gear is? That would help me make a definitive decision on whether you are being unreasonable or not.

I mean if it's 18 months old - no, not unreasonable. If it's been 10 years, then yes, you are being unreasonable.

If I was a friend who had given you a gift and you just gave it away to your sister I would consider that incredibly rude and wouldn't bother getting you anything in future.

I think you both have point but it was a little cheeky of her to be openly offended at your still generous offer.

For the sake of family harmony could you do a bit of both? Keep the new that you really like - or that might be noticed by the gift giver if you don't use it. And give her a combination of a few of the newer items in with the older ones?

She is bonkers. The new items are gifts to you/your baby. As in most families you are are offering her other items you have finished with which will go to charity if she doesn't want them.

OK Sis if you don't want them you don't have to have them but you don't get the new gifts so you choose nothing.

What stuff are we talking anyway? Nappy changing mat? Like how much new stuff have you been given?

I can kind of see her point but the new gifts were never being offered.

Why? Better to bin it or give to charity?

She doesn't have to accept your used baby clothes if she doesn't want them, but what right has she to expect the new things?
Also, if you gave your gifts away, you'd probably have been on here with a 'PILs offended as I gave all their baby gifts away to my sister'...

Yes exactly this

I would have given at least some of the new stuff to my sister yes. You don't have an obligation to do it, and she's a bit entitled to ask; but I would definitely give her the new stuff rather than donate my stuff and use new for me. For sure.

Of course she accepted them.
Why would she insult her in laws by refusing them?

As for her dsis she’s got no say on op’s stuff so she can either say thank you or not.
And the ‘old’ stuff is unused, so perfectly good.

Of course you don’t have to give up your new things but wouldn’t it be lovely to think my sister doesn’t have as much as me so I will give her some of my new bits and make her feel that she and her baby are special. I would happily do that for my sister but then I love her. You seem rather smug that you have been given so much more and that your in-laws seem to have money to waste.

Of course you shouldn't give your gifts away! And it's lovely of you to offer your dc stuff to your sister alternatively you could donate it to charity or sell it. Your sister sounds a bit entitled. I wouldn't back down.

After that she would get the grand sum of heehaw off me and the spare stuff would be donated to a local woman's aid charity.

And this

I would want to reuse what I already had as feel it would be wasteful to use new ones simply because they're new so would be more than happy to get rid of the new stuff

Also your old things look & feel different to you as you had them from new and they have nice memories from your older child.

To her they are just second hand stuff.

If it was my sister and I'd already been lucky enough to get new things the first time round while she never did, no way would i pass her my castoffs. I'd keep those for my child and give her the new things that i already had.

Personally I would want to use my old things with sentimental value, rather than have new.
I love looking at my kiddies in photos with the same cuddly/toy/clothes 😊
But that doesn't mean your sister can demand the new items either.
No right/wrong answer