For giving my sister the new baby gifts I received instead of the new one's?

No offence, but is your sister not very bright?

She thinks I'm trying to outdo her again and insinuating that her baby isn't as important

She's got other jealousy and competititive issues with you and is projecting.

Your baby is the intended recipient and is just as important. And the people in your life have intentionally bought nice things, due to the work you've put into those relationships.

It's tough luck that her inlaws haven't done the same for her... or good luck that her sister has duplicates I'd say.

Your sister is being so unreasonable! These gifts were bought by your family and friends for your new baby not for your sister’s. It is up to her if she accepts your kind offer for other bits you don’t need any longer. I actually can’t believe she even asked.

Just realised it's your sister and not SIL. In which case, tell her partner they need to pull their finger out!

My thoughts exactly. Given the opportunity, most people would choose to give their second DC a new item. Whether you can afford to yourself or have generous people around you, you would opt for new. I knew that I wanted another child after DD1 and I also knew I would purchase most items again so periodically gave away stuff to cousins, charity, nursery etc. I even gave away the cot as DD in her toddlerhood stuck a load of stickers to it and it was scuffed in house moves. I felt DS deserved to have a nice fresh cot just like his sister did.

OP can you call your brother and tell him to rally the family and your SILs one friend and do a small baby shower at someone's house! Supermarket nibbles, couple of banners and a store bought cake with a little topper from card factory? Doesn't need to be super expensive but it's so clear the SIL wants one... she's a bit jealous you've been fussed over and she clearly is waiting for a 'surprise'

I think to me it depends on what the items are. Nappy bin, she can have the new one. Soft toys, well both kids can have own so may not share, clothes depends on individual items etc

But you did intend for baby 2 to use all the old stuff originally so I do feel these must be at least something you could give her.

I also feel that you are planting a few seeds like saying you bought her a car seat and she only has one friend. Pictures being painted for the audience.

You don’t have to give her anything it’s your stuff but would be nice if you did.

Well yes they would, clearly, and OP intends to use them.

Immediately giving away gifts that loved ones have given you is very likely to cause offence, no matter how much you try to dress it up as being virtuous.

It isn’t OP’s fault that she’s in a better position than her sister, and it isn’t something she needs to make up for.

You shouldn't have offered your sister the second hand items, especially knowing that she is not having a baby shower. Did your DS actually ask for the new items or just query why you are offering her the old items when you've said you have new ones from the second baby shower.

The OPs sister has 2 choices. Gracefully accept any items from her sister, or don’t. She doesn’t have to option to pick and chose what she wants. She has been offered stuff from her sister, her only option is to say thanks or no, I don’t want it.

I can't believe people are telling you to give away gifts that your in-laws have bought for you. I get why your sis feels hard done by but it's not your fault.

It's not the OP's fault she has generous IL's who wanted to throw 2 baby showers.

And I would be really pissed if I had bought a gift for someone and they gave it to their sibling.

And why shouldn't OPs second baby have new things as well as the OPs first baby? Why does a 2nd baby always have to have hand me downs

If it was my second baby and I already had those items I would kindly explain that, no one is going to expect you to use items that you already have..

It does depend on the items I will say, I'm presuming it's bigger things and not clothes for example

@jitih then that's incredibly cheeky. YANBU at all!!

I personally would give your sister the new stuff ie baby monitor, high chair.
She probably feeling quite vulnerable.
This is why I think Baby Showers are dreadful

Back in the day; people bought a gift for the baby once born!

I think your sister is ungrateful and entitled. You've probably saved her a lot of money.

Maybe because the family members who gave them, wanted @jitih to have them.

Again, when I bought things for my daughter and baby, I spent that money for HER. If I found out that she'd given them away without opening them, I'd wonder why she thought I'd spend a couple of hundred pounds on someone I barely know. I'd be pretty unhappy. Especially if when I did see her sister, she was using the items I'd bought for my daughter.

But @Hankunamatata OPs in-laws and friends did not buy gifts for OPs sister, they bought them for OP. Sorry MIL don’t need the lovely new pram you’ve bought for DC2 so I’m giving it to my sister, thanks for the thought though…not sure how that would go down.

I suspect it has more to do with the fact she’s seen you getting lots of new stuff (again) and you’ve given her one gift and then offered up all your used stuff because you got new. Whilst you think you’re being helpful I can kind of see where, in the midst of PFB and hormones, this could be taken badly. I also suspect there’s history/backstory between you that might have indicated this was not a good idea?

Why wouldn't you keep the items you already have and give your sister some of the new ones. It's a bit mean spirited and a bit off to give her your used stuff which I'm guessing is perfectly fine and not give her some new bits