For giving my sister the new baby gifts I received instead of the new one's?

I think we all need to agree to disagree 😆also I wouldn't be buying someone items they already had!

Cool sister can buy her own new stuff where age is an issue and either accept or not accept the other donations if she wants. Either way she doesn't get the new gifts to her sister's second baby.

I wonder if those lovingly giving you the gifts would be as thrilled to discover that they' spent their hard earned money on someone who's almost a stranger.

When I was choosing baby gifts for my daughter, it was with love, and imagining my new grandchild in those clothes/that pram, and my daughter using the equipment. I'd be absolutely gutted if she cared so little that she instantly gave them away without a thought.

If the baby equipment are old bottles or even a car seat, you don't want them after 10 years as the plastic may be leaking chemicals inside and the car seat won't be as safe/secure after 10 years, so I stand by my 18 months vs 10 yrs (I realise that it's a bit of an extreme example but you will get my drift here), that's where giving something old vs brand new could be seen as getting rid of their very old and tired kit to the sister and they have the luxury of having a completely new kit for the new baby but the sister won't.

I'm not the sister here.

Would there be any way that you could give your sister one or two of the new items mixed in with the older items @jitih?

👆This with bells on

Totally not pushed to reply, I don't care that much, agreeing to disagree 😅 I would be delighted to give my sister the new items 🤷‍♀️

OP said that her sister mentioned being worried about the cost of getting everything they needed so this is why she offered the second hand items. I assume that they were in reasonable condition as OP was going to use them before she was given all new items at her baby shower.

I wouldn’t do this. Playing Lady Bountiful isn’t going to make the sister less resentful of OP for having the financial comfort that allows her play that role. It may however cement in her mind that OP is required to offer compensation for her better circumstances.

She can’t buy her sister’s favor by pandering to her insecurities, and imo she shouldn’t try to. That would be allowing herself to be taken for an absolute mug.

Since when did any of us ‘need’ something in order to want and/or have to?

Anyway, OP offered perfectly good items for the sister to use, reducing waste, so why did she need to offer the new ones? Giving the new ones away doesn’t reduce waste any more than giving away the older ones does.

All the items have been and will be used by the intended recipient - OP and the baby. Accepting gifts from your in laws and immediately turning around to give them away is only going to result in bad feeling.

Tbh I don’t think the sister would be any less resentful of OP regardless of whether she got the new or old stuff. In both situations she’s the recipient of her wealthier sister’s charity.

It isn't being virtuous, there's literally no need to have two of some baby items and it's just wasteful to use them

Who planned your baby shower?
In my circles if people had enough things, we'd share a very clear message that X has everything they need for their baby, please don't bring gifts. If you have relatively affluent and generous friends maybe that's not an issue. If your sister was under any pressure from the organiser to bring gifts to both your showers, or if she organised yours and hoped you'd do the same for you, that changes things.

I'd imagine her DS is a bit miffed that OP is offering her second hand items after she'd had another baby shower, it was tactless for OP to offer the old items.

My sister, however, was insulted that we only offered her the old things for her baby. She thinks I'm trying to outdo her again and insinuating that her baby isn't as important and that my baby deserves more than hers since we're saving the new things for him. I tried to say that wasn't the case, but she questioned why we didn't want to use the old things for our second baby.

She insinuated & questioned.

She wants to know why OP isn't using the old stuff meaning OP would not need the new stuff... what do you think thats blatantly hinting at?

The whole thing makes zero sense unless she wanted the new things, if she didn't the whole exchange wouldn't even happen.

Also who the fuck gets insulted over hand-me-downs when having a kid, thats serious entitlement in itself.

But her sister didn't demand the presents, she didn't even ask for them!

Shes not binning or giving it to charity though.

They where bought specifically for OPs baby NOT her sisters and OP plans to use them for her baby.

OPs husbands aunt for example did not spend £35 on a bouncer for a random girl she has never met. To give the gifts to the sister is deceitful, fraudulent and disrespectful to the givers.

The sister is not entitled to these items, they where NOT bought for her by her friends and family.

If OP got two of the same thing and one was going to waste so she offered one to er pregnant sister thats WILDLY different than her stomping her feet and demanding ALL the presents.

OP, just buy her several really nice things you know she'll like and then be done with it. If she later wants any of your used stuff you don't need, that's up to her.

Op said: She did not ask for the new items or the old ones...

She did ask. OP offered her the items that she had used for her first baby and her sister said that she wanted the new items that OP had been gifted at her recent baby shower. OP didn't mention the new items, her sister did, in a confrontational way, according to OP.

Because her in-laws bought the new stuff and would probably be offended if OP gave them all to her sister.

Also, if the new stuff is nice, why wouldn't OP want to use it for her new baby as it was gifted to her.

It’s probably more about the shower than the items. You don’t throw your own baby shower. If she doesn’t have a large group of friends and you are her main family then this task should have fallen on you. People also usually give larger gifts if there’s a party….

She sees you getting 2 parties and an insane amount of gifts (because a second big items like a pram a bit insane to be honest) and then you’re not bothered to throw her even a small party but instead offer her your cast offs. So I understand why she might be upset with you.

However, if this really is the case, she could have explicitly told you to throw a party and expecting you to give her the new items is ridiculous because it would offend your in-laws.

It still would be nice to throw her one, small baby showers are fine. You seem quite against doing this for her and I wonder if that’s coming across? If so I can see why she’s a bit hurt because is does seem like you think you “deserve” celebrations etc. and she doesn’t due to small family and friends.

Gosh I lived in hand me downs until about 8! I'd be thrilled to get second hand baby clothes if in good condition, but I'd also give new things if they were surplus to my needs. Maybe not a special dress but baby grows etc I'd hand over if I had enough already.

Her in-laws are very loving and generous to their daughter in law. Not to her sister.

If my DD doesn't need something I bought her for the baby, I'd want her to tell me so that I could change it for something that she does need. Not just give the item to someone else.

Again, my gift, my generous and loving gesture, is for my daughter. Not anyone else. She's free to pass it on when she's used it, but I'd feel hugely hurt and taken advantage of if someone else demanded it of her, unused, and she capitulated.

She didn't ask.

"Is it unreasonable that I want to use the new stuff just because it's new."

I'll admit I don't really think this way.

If it were me, I would use the stuff I'd saved from my first child for my second, as planned.

The new stuff is "duplicates", in your own words.

If it were me, I would give them to my sister.

That's just what I would do, it wouldn't occur to me to do it the other way around.

However, this view is strengthened by the fact that you say she is unlikely to receive many gifts. Your in laws are clearly very loving, involved and generous and sounds like your sister isn't so fortunate. That would make me more inclined to pass on some of the new gifts.