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Original poster

Left out at work?

61 replies

NevilleLong · 12/12/2024 17:30

Not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

Jacob's join is a frequent event at my place of work and I always cook and contribute. Normally a list is put up on the staff room door. This time there wasn't.

Overheard a conversation today about it, a colleague asked me what I was bringing. Explained I hadn't been told about it and know nothing about it. She said doesn't matter you can still eat something.

Colleague who has organised it is bringing her halogen oven so everyone can warm up food.

Just so happens, I stuck up for another colleague to the person who has organised the jacons join as she is almost impossible to work with. Think bossy, micromanaging, reading your emails etc.

I've got a lot of stress at home atm but to be deliberately left out, is not something I would personally do.

OP posts:
DreamW3aver · 13/12/2024 07:12

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 13/12/2024 00:10

@NevilleLong We do have our own but we have shared as a team aswell.

can you blanket email everyone necessary and ask to email you directly so she doesnt have access?

Were I work there is a shared email address for certain types of email, of course one memner can't ask for all the emails to be sent to them, that would defeat the whole purpose and you wouldn't have no way of knowing who would be emailing, like an info@ situation

It does sound like you've been excluded OP and there probably isn't an easy solution, do you have a Christmas shut down, maybe some time away will let things be forgotten

Original poster
NevilleLong · 13/12/2024 07:07

sandyhappypeople · 13/12/2024 00:38

How did everyone else find out, did you ask when you overheard the conversation?

I overhead a conversation. I then said I didn't know it was happening which was true I didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
NevilleLong · 13/12/2024 07:06

TheBunyip · 12/12/2024 23:46

Jesus you people

the stress at home is to explain that the OP is perhaps overthinking or reading the situation incorrectly which is why she has posted on here - to gauge other people’s opinions

the person who organized it is someone OP had stood up to when she experienced a colleague being mistreated. This organizer is difficult to work with

A shared mailbox is self explanatory and a very normal thing for a team to have. I.e HR @ big company.com

I’ve never heard of a Jacob’s join either but it was pretty bloody obvious what it was

just be supportive and nice to someone who has obviously been hurt, feels ostracized at work, is looking for support and mentions they are under stress. How hard can that be?

OP I suggest you take the day off or have a pretend important appointment on the lunchtime it’s happening. Step away from the situation and look forward to having a few days off over Xmas. It’ll blow over and doesn’t need to be a big deal. Don’t show she’s got to you (if it was intentional) rise above it etc. good luck

Thank you. I appreciate it Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
NevilleLong · 13/12/2024 07:05

StrawberryWater · 12/12/2024 19:07

If it's just one thing she's left you out of I wouldn't worry too much. If it becomes a pattern, or involves actual work and not a buffet, then complain.

However, it is a Jacobs Join and the idea of them is to bring a dish so perhaps it was assumed, rightly or wrongly, that you would just turn up with something regardless of being asked or not.

I would have turned up with a dish. But I didn't know it was happening!

OP posts:
Original poster
NevilleLong · 13/12/2024 07:02

I need to give more context! Sorry I didn't realise a Jacob's join was a northern thing.
For us it's where everyone is asked to bring something in and have a buffet.

No I don't think I'm being paranoid. We do this quite frequently at work and everyone is normally told about it and then arranges what said person is going to bring. I haven't been told and knew nothing about it.

Further, this with our emails and other things has been going on for weeks. Other colleagues have been approaching me. Our work is getting changed by said individual once we have done it, emails are getting read and missed as they are being marked as read and dealt with when they were not dealt with my the individual whose case it is
Micromanaging has been happening i.e going over to other people, checking where they are up-to with their work and what are they doing about such and such a thing. We are all the same level, with some of us being there and been doing the job a good number of years.

It's been a really stressful situation to navigate. How do you tell someone to stop micromanaging you and other team members without it becoming awkward?
They also then tell the manager that they get left with everything, which simply isn't true, and it makes us feel incompetent.

The stress at home basically I was trying to say I have got stress at home and work and I'm finding it all overwhelming.
So everyone has had enough of the micromanaging and constant critiquing. My colleague missed an email the other day as a result of it being "dealt" with but it wasn't so I confronted her. As a result, I didn't get invited to the "buffet" and asked to bring something in. Everyone else did!

OP posts:
Original poster
NevilleLong · 13/12/2024 06:46

NewName24 · 12/12/2024 22:36

Also aside, I've been to lots of 'shared lunches' or 'bring and share' meals, but never heard that term. I wonder if it is geographical ?

Re the shared mailbox - I mean, isn't the fact it is 'shared' a clue that everyone who has access to that mailbox, is able to read any of the e-mails ? Confused

We have individual emails sent to the mailbox. One was missed as it was marked as read and dealt with.

OP posts:
Original poster
NevilleLong · 13/12/2024 06:44

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/12/2024 23:56

I don't really understand the issue with reading emails in a shared mailbox. Are you sure that you weren't overreacting when you "stuck up for" your other colleague? Maybe because you're stressed at home?

We have a shared mailbox but emails come in for us individually. My colleague missed an email because it was opened marked read and dealt with so it was missed by her so no I wasn't overreacting.

OP posts:
BurgundyBear · 13/12/2024 01:43

I’m northern and I do know what a Jacob’s Join is.

BananaNirvana · 13/12/2024 01:36

EmberAsh · 12/12/2024 19:47

Missing the point but I have never heard of a Jacob's Join before.

Me neither 😄

buttonousmaximous · 13/12/2024 01:34

I'm northern and never heard of a Jacob's join. We call them fuddles (although it's usually more of a buffet)

ThatEllie · 13/12/2024 00:42

Stephy1886 · 13/12/2024 00:29

Is this the yank “pot luck” thing where people bring in dishes from home?

fook that

I’d be happy not being involved

From @madaboutpurple above:

”I asked google and it told me Jacob's Join is a northern expression for an event where everybody brings something to share at a lunch or event. I am Northern and never heard of that.”

sandyhappypeople · 13/12/2024 00:38

How did everyone else find out, did you ask when you overheard the conversation?

Stephy1886 · 13/12/2024 00:29

Is this the yank “pot luck” thing where people bring in dishes from home?

fook that

I’d be happy not being involved

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 13/12/2024 00:10

@NevilleLong We do have our own but we have shared as a team aswell.

can you blanket email everyone necessary and ask to email you directly so she doesnt have access?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/12/2024 23:56

I don't really understand the issue with reading emails in a shared mailbox. Are you sure that you weren't overreacting when you "stuck up for" your other colleague? Maybe because you're stressed at home?

TheBunyip · 12/12/2024 23:46

Jesus you people

the stress at home is to explain that the OP is perhaps overthinking or reading the situation incorrectly which is why she has posted on here - to gauge other people’s opinions

the person who organized it is someone OP had stood up to when she experienced a colleague being mistreated. This organizer is difficult to work with

A shared mailbox is self explanatory and a very normal thing for a team to have. I.e HR @ big company.com

I’ve never heard of a Jacob’s join either but it was pretty bloody obvious what it was

just be supportive and nice to someone who has obviously been hurt, feels ostracized at work, is looking for support and mentions they are under stress. How hard can that be?

OP I suggest you take the day off or have a pretend important appointment on the lunchtime it’s happening. Step away from the situation and look forward to having a few days off over Xmas. It’ll blow over and doesn’t need to be a big deal. Don’t show she’s got to you (if it was intentional) rise above it etc. good luck

MaybeALittle · 12/12/2024 23:19

You sound rather paranoid. Surely just ask whether you missed the usual notice on the door, rather than assuming you’d been deliberately left out, and constructing a narrative of why that might have been? What does your stress at hoe have to do with the Jacob’s Join at work? (Or is it Jacobs’ Join?)

Endofyear · 12/12/2024 23:04

NevilleLong · 12/12/2024 19:54

We do have our own but we have shared as a team aswell.

Show quote history

So is your colleague reading shared emails then? It sounds like you're being a bit paranoid to be honest and most likely that whoever organised it just forgot to tell you. I wouldn't overthink it and take it personally.

madaboutpurple · 12/12/2024 22:59

I asked google and it told me Jacob's Join is a northern expression for an event where everybody brings something to share at a lunch or event. I am Northern and never heard of that.

NewName24 · 12/12/2024 22:36

Also aside, I've been to lots of 'shared lunches' or 'bring and share' meals, but never heard that term. I wonder if it is geographical ?

Re the shared mailbox - I mean, isn't the fact it is 'shared' a clue that everyone who has access to that mailbox, is able to read any of the e-mails ? Confused

Pineapplewaves · 12/12/2024 20:24

A "Jacob's Join" is a meal or event where each guest brings a dish".

Original poster
NevilleLong · 12/12/2024 19:54

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/12/2024 19:41

@NevilleLong Shared mailbox dont really know what a shared mailbox is. does this mean she can access all your previous emails too? why dont you have your own email addresses within the company

We do have our own but we have shared as a team aswell.

OP posts:
EmberAsh · 12/12/2024 19:47

Missing the point but I have never heard of a Jacob's Join before.

BobbyBiscuits · 12/12/2024 19:44

People shouldn't be bringing in their own ovens to cook or warm up food in an office, to serve to others. The equipment must be PAT tested and the person cooking and serving should have a food hygeine certificate ideally. If someone got sick who would be responsible?
The whole thing sounds weird.
If it's a bake sale just cook things at home and bring them in served cold.
If you want to contribute just do so.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/12/2024 19:41

@NevilleLong Shared mailbox dont really know what a shared mailbox is. does this mean she can access all your previous emails too? why dont you have your own email addresses within the company