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AIBU?

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Original poster

The Christmas Carol concert strop

163 replies

Jessieshome · 12/12/2024 15:53

It’s my 11 year old son’s Christmas carol concert tonight, it’s at the local church at 6pm. He usually does an activity which he adores on a Thursday evening, an activity that was cancelled last Thursday and Saturday because of terrible weather. So he hasn’t been ‘FOREVER!’. He doesn’t have a speaking part in the concert as he has previous years, he’s just in the choir as all his classmates are. He doesn’t enjoy performing or singing on stage so even if he didn’t have somewhere else he would love to be he’d still not be keen.

We’re making him go to the carol concert and he’s furious. He’s been stomping and banging about in his room since he got home from school and has gone off to knock for his friend for a bit.

Am I being unreasonable to force him to go? Or is it fair enough - it’s part of Christmas, it’s his last carol concert as he’ll be in high school next year and he needs to learn he can’t always have it his way. We’re all going to have an absolutely terrible time, sat in a cold church watching our son sit at the back of his school choir in a massive mood!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessieshome · 12/12/2024 16:22

Trallers · 12/12/2024 16:17

I don't think it's good to pull out of things at the last minute because you don't fancy it. There's an expectation he'll be there, even if just as another face in the choir crowd, and that should be honoured imo. It'd be different if he felt a bit unwell, or had been planned further ahead of time, but that's not the case so he should go.

I would say he needs sympathy and space to find it annoying without you expressing finding him too annoying. The situation should be the enemy, not you. Gosh, yes it sucks to missing x after 2 weeks doesn't it, and just to sit in the choir too. Unfortunately we can't just pull of things we've committed to, but I'm right there with you. Let's plan something enjoyable for when we get home to take the sting out of it at least etc etc.

Thank you, that's lovely. I'm not shouting at him, I've just let him have his strop and I've remained calm today, although I did snap at him briefly last night when he kept going on about it. I'm the 'softer' parent so he usually goes on and on at me in the higher hope that I will break, he wouldn't dream of whinging and getting cross at his dad!

Thanks very much for the advice. :)

OP posts:
Dampfnudeln · 12/12/2024 16:22

Yanbu, it's important to learn about honouring commitments and not dropping out at the last minute due to a better offer.

Bearbookagainandagain · 12/12/2024 16:18

YANBU, I wouldn't bail at the last minute. If there was an opportunity to pull out sooner so the teachers can organise themselves, then I would have allowed.

Original poster
Jessieshome · 12/12/2024 16:18

PoppyFleur · 12/12/2024 16:16

Why did you agree to this activity in the first place if it clashed with a pre arranged activity?

He goes to the other activity every Thursday all year round. This is the school Christmas carol concert, it's just when they do it and have done for a couple of years now. Nursey to year 2 do there's in school hours year 3-6 do an evening concert. I'm not sure how normal this is compared to other places.

OP posts:
Trallers · 12/12/2024 16:17

I don't think it's good to pull out of things at the last minute because you don't fancy it. There's an expectation he'll be there, even if just as another face in the choir crowd, and that should be honoured imo. It'd be different if he felt a bit unwell, or had been planned further ahead of time, but that's not the case so he should go.

I would say he needs sympathy and space to find it annoying without you expressing finding him too annoying. The situation should be the enemy, not you. Gosh, yes it sucks to missing x after 2 weeks doesn't it, and just to sit in the choir too. Unfortunately we can't just pull of things we've committed to, but I'm right there with you. Let's plan something enjoyable for when we get home to take the sting out of it at least etc etc.

Original poster
Jessieshome · 12/12/2024 16:16

Reallybadidea · 12/12/2024 16:09

YANBU sometimes we all have to do things we'd rather not because we've made a commitment/we don't let others down/it's the right thing to do.

This is mine and my husbands thinking, he probably wouldn't be that bothered about going if it wasn't for the fact that he had somewhere else to be. The carol concert has been at 6pm every year since COVID now. It's been quite nice previous years and he has had a speaking part and been proud he was one of the louder, clearer speakers even though he doesn't love this type of performance. I'm not sure why he isn't speaking this year. I think he's just being a bit of a dick! The school hasn't insisted he go but it's strongly recommended.

OP posts:
PoppyFleur · 12/12/2024 16:16

Why did you agree to this activity in the first place if it clashed with a pre arranged activity?

Snorlaxo · 12/12/2024 16:16

I would send him to his activity tbh. He doesn’t enjoy events like that and his absence isn’t going to affect the performance.

PastaAndProse · 12/12/2024 16:11

I wouldn't entertain any out of hours activities for school to be honest, unless the child wants to participate. Your DS doesn't, so I wouldn't make him. Let him do the activity he enjoys.

Reallybadidea · 12/12/2024 16:09

YANBU sometimes we all have to do things we'd rather not because we've made a commitment/we don't let others down/it's the right thing to do.

ByMerryKoala · 12/12/2024 15:58

Yeah, of course, you don't just bail on your class mates because you CBA and don't have the limelight.

lazyarse123 · 12/12/2024 15:57

I wouldn't force him especially as he doesn't have a solo part. Everybody will be miserable.

LadyDanburysHat · 12/12/2024 15:55

I'm not sure why you would force him to participate in something he dislikes, whether or not there is another activity he would rather do.