The Christmas Carol concert strop

Lots of people enjoy being in choirs. Most do not. It’s not something that should be three line whipped. This is supposed to be fun!!! These kids have to go to school day in day out and do their work fair enough why add this obligation on? It’s a show to placate the middle aged parents and promote the school it’s not even about the kids.

And then people would complain that it's during daytime working hours and they can't go, or will have to take time off work to go. Schools can't do right for doing wrong with things like this.

It’s not flakey to just say no!

Our school has a voluntary choir, and guess what they have wonderful carol concerts because everyone wants to be there. Shock, horror - there is a thing called choice. Parents go along and enjoy it, others choose to do other things. Quite normal in diverse schools.

It’s very old fashioned to force children to perform, things have moved on. Admittedly not at all schools it seems…

I think you're being very unreasonable, no matter your reasons! He just doesn't want to go. Respect his decision with good grace and perhaps talk about it later with him.
I think it's totally wrong to force a child to do this. And for something so innocous...

Children turned up to be in the choir when he had a speaking part. He needs to do his jit and show up for the choir now others have speaking parts.

No wonder our country is littered with flaky people unable to make or honour a commitment.
I can imagine the whining ‘ our school did nothing for Christmas.. my last chance to see DChild perform with their friends…’
im with you, OP, he should go. It sounds as though you could arrange some extra horse sessions over the holiday if he stops complaining.

Then the school learn a valuable lesson 🙃

Honestly 5 years ago I would have felt the same (do your duty turn up etc) but honestly why make him attend a pointless event that is supposed to be enjoyable? Who are
you pleasing by making him go? Am 50
now and looking back there is so much stuff I wish I hadn’t bothered with. Lots of people love going to Carol concerts let them have the seats.

No wonder our country is littered with people pleasers unable to fathom how to use boundaries or say no.

And if everyone thinks like that?

It doesn't sound like he even opted into the carol concert. It's just sort of expected he will be there

Saying "no, I have a different commitment" is also important when expected to be at something you don't want to be at and which came in later

I have similar today except my 11 year old is missing his last primary school concert to watch a football match. In fairness he has season tickets and they are a small team hanging on in the Europa Conference League. I'm a bit sad but there's no way he or his dad would miss the match.

Why should they ‘support’ the school doing something they hate? Who benefits? It is certainly not for the children that are being forced. Honestly a choir should be made up of every child that loves to sing. Children should be given other roles that are not performative. This is so archaic forcing kids to perform!

Not a chance I’d make him go if it were my DS. I can’t stand school concerts, nativity etc. so if DS wasn’t keen on getting involved in an activity that’s after school, that’s his choice. As it worked out, he did always attend as he was keen to be with his friends but I hated having to go and watch sat in a draughty church. It’s pure tedium. 😠 (for the record, I dislike concerts of any sort and can’t stand musical theatre.)

And those saying that it’s not ‘just’ being part of the chorus and what if everyone decided just to skip it…maybe the school
would then realise they shouldn’t force evening activities onto their pupils? It should be either during school time or immediately after school really.

Won't it be too dark to ride after school?

School hours? Sure, he does the concert. But out of school hours? Nope.
Why? Because he didn't sign up for it as a 'club'; it was part of his school day curriculum. That doesn't mean he has to appear in the evening.

I'd send him to his club.

I’m depressed by the number of posts that say let him sack it off - what happens if most of the kids don’t go? Is that how we support our schools?

Mine would be reminded that they get to do the other activity most weeks - but this week it’s a school event. End of argument.

I personally wouldn’t make him go - it isn’t a commitment it’s an obligation, except it’s one that he isn’t actually obliged to do. It’s an overwhelming time of year and if he really doesn’t want to do it, what’s the benefit? He’s just a kid. Not everything needs to be a lesson.

Why would the classmates need ‘support’ singing a few carols?! Goodness they are not climbing Everest as a team 😂

Teach your child the meaning of duty - make him go to the carol concert. He can go horse riding tomorrow.

Have fun, OP!

I’d hold the line on this - we’ve always insisted that ours go to the school concert whether they have a part or not. School expect it and we see it as being part of a community. The only thing I wish I’d done differently was sports day as that was just one long humiliation for DS2. But sitting with your class mates in the choir is no hardship.

If he is still kicking off when he comes home, and he was mine, he’d get an ultimatum at that age - calm down, do it with good grace to support your class mates and school - or the Thursday activity stops. I can accept a protest but not one that drags on and threatens to spoil the whole evening.

I think you sound like a great mum. Deferred gratification is an incredibly useful life lesson. And being part of a chorus line after having a starring role. A video of him looking pained during the singing will give hours of amusement to you and your DH.

I have never forced my dc to perform like this. It takes away their autonomy. That is why he is angry. There are plenty of children that love to perform and sing, and there are plenty that don’t. The whole event is not hanging in the balance of your son turning up, quite the reverse no one will even notice.

I think you should have said at the beginning he wouldn’t be attending. Next time you can give more notice. Children are people, they should have a choice as far as possible.

I would let him go to activity on the understanding he lets you know in good time if he doesn’t want to participate in the future.

I agree with this.

This is not a hill I'd die on tbh. I'd let him do his favoured activity. Nowt wrong with making a choice to do something he loves, versus something you all don't like!! Seems like a punishment for no good reason.

If he had an important part, or it was a quartet or a tiny choir or something like that, where it would be an issue for the others, of course he would need to go.
But in this particular case, I'd sack it off and go do something more fun instead!!