The Christmas Carol concert strop

Can't believe so many people think that if their child doesn't have a starring role they don't have to bother turning up. Presumably they would equally have a strop if their child was the star and the chorus hadn't bothered to show up resulting in a mediocre show rather than being at the centre of a really good whole school performance.

In this situation I wouldn't force him tbh

You would have to think of some excuse for school though I guess....(car broke down?!)

Yes but the tantrum is because he’s being forced to go. I’d have a tantrum too if I were made to go somewhere that wasn’t compulsory, I didn’t want to be, but the choice was taken from me.

No I think you are right to make him. Sometimes we have to make a commitment and stick with it so we don't let our team down. Imagine if all the minor parts didn't bother to show.

If it wasn’t compulsory I didn’t force my kids to go if they didn’t want to (I’m not religious anyway).

Good enough reason for me. Start now before he becomes a teenager.

OP says he does the activity all year round. Maybe he mucks out or grooms?

Really! Maybe he has reasons why he does'nt want to do it? Op has not come back to explain.

Like PP I think it might have been ok to pull out with plenty of notice. Not last minute.

I also agree that if every child pulls out who has a clashing activity or who doesn’t like singing, that may spell the end of school carol concerts, plays, and similar. The reason these things work and are worth all the effort from staff is because they are “whole school” and it is expected that you will prioritise them.

Today’s society prioritises the wants of the individual much more and that is good in some ways but ultimately leads to the loss of a lot of beneficial communal activity.

I do think you have to stick to your guns now OP.

I would have sacked it off personally. None of you want to go!

I'd send him in just to show he can't get his way by throwing a tantrum.

My thinking is that he hasn't voluntarily made a commitment. He's just been given no choice. The school shouldn't assume attendance out of the school day, If they want to form a choir and have pupils take part in an evening event I think they should check who wants to be involved, not just assume participation.

But he has 2 commitments the activity and the concert

if he no plans this evening and just didn’t want to go then I can see all the arguments that he should go and that he has made a commitment and he will let people down

but he does have pre existing plans - and the mantra usually is the first invitation or plan is the one you go to

the reasoning seems to be that it is his last concert so he should go

I wouldn't force him to take part in something out of school hours that he hates. Particularly as he has a previous arrangement that he loves doing.

Apart from anything else, the teenage years are just around the corner. If you teach them that you can get your own way by moaning enough then you will really struggle to get them to comply with rules as a teenager.

My personal belief (as a parent of 4 young adults) is that sometimes you have to just hold the line about things, or you lose your authority as a parent. I'm sure that will be an unpopular viewpoint but so be it!

YANBU. He has to honour his commitment and support his classmates. It's a good lesson that we can't always have/do everything we want. Children whose parents always give in on these issues will (potentially) grow into spoilt, unreliable adults.

I'm sure all those saying he is expected so he should go would feel exactly the same if work expected them to go in on their off day for something which held no bearing on their ability to do their work....

Plenty of kids do want to perform and sing. There would be enough for the concert even if a few really anti it didn't go

So children who don’t want to perform should do so because it makes other adults happy? Got it.

Is there a reason he doesnt want to do it? Have you asked him?

Electric lights you say? Whatever next?

The OP said it was cancelled the last couple of weeks due to bad weather and that it was stables on the old family farm.

I've looked back through and really can't see any mention of an indoor school at all.

But surely actually his commitment is to the activity which came first and he will equally be letting them down

so in this instance surely it isn’t on the OP to decide which is more important given that both are commitments but the person who does them

Yanbu. He has made a commitment. If he didn't want to do it, he should have mentioned that he didnt want to do it this year weeks ago if it is an expected thing, so you could have made arrangements with the school that he wouldn't be coming.

But they must have been rehearsing for a while now. Imagine if everyone suddenly decided they had better things to do tonight , that would be pretty crap for the staff who have given their time and effort to rehearse and arrange a special night for the kids and families.

There's this amazing new invention called 'electric lights' for indoor schools.

I think your son should do the concert. It's a good life lesson. He can't always have "a speaking part" in this world and he should learn he can't let the rest of the team down. It's tough - life's tough!