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Original poster

To not invite best friends partner?

32 replies

xyz123abc456 · 12/12/2024 13:37

Long story short I'm getting married in 2026, best friend (of 10+ years) has been with this guy about 6 months

I've invited them both round for dinner multiple times and he declines every time but friend comes. He declines because he can't be bothered or doesn't want to not because he already has plans.

When I go to friends house he disappears upstairs - we get on there's no dislike towards each other but merely just a pleasant conversation

At this point I don't want to invite him to the wedding if he can't even bothered to do any of the above?

Aibu to not want to invite? What would you do?

OP posts:
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ByQuaintAzureWasp · 17/12/2024 00:31

You have fallen into his trap

MinSpy · 16/12/2024 22:49

I didn't invite my best friends partner to my wedding. It was a small affair with less than 20 guests and I only wanted my closest friends and family. I knew best friend and her partner would split up! I didn't want the partner to be part of my memories because I barely knew her and knew that within 6 months of the wedding I'd never see her again. However, my best friend was hurt when her partner wasn't invited, so I ended up having to invite her.

Sure enough, my wedding day was the last time I saw the partner and she's in all my wedding pics! Oh well :( my friend was happy so ultimately that was important to me!

Nikitaspearlearring · 16/12/2024 22:47

I would invite him but say you would understand if weddings aren't his thing and he didn't want to come. Try not to make it sound PA!

Codlingmoths · 16/12/2024 22:45

Something like ‘I don’t want anyone coming because they feel obligated, Dave clearly doesn’t like social events- would he be happier not to be invited?

Codlingmoths · 16/12/2024 22:44

xyz123abc456 · 12/12/2024 19:23

Yes just my wedding because that's what my post is about and the details of our conversations are not relevant. As far as you need to know they are a good couple, I just don't appreciate his lack of effort when I will be paying almost £100.

I saw your other post about what could be the long story. The long story would include all details and conversations had regarding his lack of effort.

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You need to talk to your friend though. She’s one of the 60 because she’s someone you care about, so you have an honest conversation with her, not just send an invite without him.

snowlady4 · 16/12/2024 22:43

Of course you invite your best friends partner to your wedding.
He probably won't come anyway- OR you might be good friends by the time the wedding rolls round. Who knows?
They're only together 6 months- anything could happen in the next year.

baddayformeredith · 16/12/2024 22:39

Don't invite him. We had a policy at our wedding where we didn't invite anyone that the engaged couple hadn't met.
My boyfriend and I had been together 10 years when we got married so this included cousins of my now dh that I hadn't met and vice versa and the boyfriend of one of my uni friends.

Welshmonster · 16/12/2024 11:25

Maybe he is ND and has anxiety. My husband of 20+ years doesn’t like socialising and stays upstairs. He would be bored by wedding conversations. Including his own wedding 😂

if I get offered a plus one for him from friends then I decline as he would be annoying me when I want to dance and socialise with people.

ask your friend what she thinks? No point inviting him if he won’t enjoy or just not turn up on the day. Tell her that you want him to be comfortable.

if you just pull the invitation, it will cause drama

twentysevendresses · 13/12/2024 12:51

They've been together for 6 months. Your wedding is over a year away. Why are you stressing about this now?? You don't even need to be sending any invitations out for at least another 9 months...chances are they won't even be together at that point 🤷‍♀️ But if they are...make your decision then! 🤦‍♀️

toomuchfaff · 13/12/2024 08:58

xyz123abc456 · 12/12/2024 19:19

This is the only post making sense other than the it's over a year away don't worry ones. It's costing £86pp for just the meal, also we're capping at 60 so places are crucial

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Alternatively make her a bridesmaid and make it subtley but repeatedly clear that her duties mean that he will be alone most of the day. @BeensOnToost gave an excellent option to not invite.

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 19:34

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 19:33

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ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 19:32

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Sirzy · 12/12/2024 19:30

I wouldn’t see it as spending money on him, I would see it as spending it on making sure your best friend was happy and felt welcome at your wedding.

dont put her in a position of feeling awkward about it.

Original poster
xyz123abc456 · 12/12/2024 19:23

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Yes just my wedding because that's what my post is about and the details of our conversations are not relevant. As far as you need to know they are a good couple, I just don't appreciate his lack of effort when I will be paying almost £100.

I saw your other post about what could be the long story. The long story would include all details and conversations had regarding his lack of effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
xyz123abc456 · 12/12/2024 19:19

toomuchfaff · 12/12/2024 14:33

Absolutely 💯 do not invite him if he doesn't even make an effort when it's not a wedding. The wedding is meant to be a gathering of those that love and cherish you to share your special day. It costs you money to have people there, and if he's not even arsed to say hello to you when you're at the place he lives I'd say nope. When the friend kicks off about the invite, say he makes no effort, so you're not wasting a place on him. Harsh but realistic.

This is the only post making sense other than the it's over a year away don't worry ones. It's costing £86pp for just the meal, also we're capping at 60 so places are crucial

OP posts:
Endofyear · 12/12/2024 17:31

I would invite him, for your friend's sake and if he's as antisocial as he sounds, he'll probably decline anyway!

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 15:15

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hydriotaphia · 12/12/2024 14:53

Yes I would invite him, unless it is a very very tiny wedding and other friends are not having partners invited. Potentially this man will be in your life for the rest of your life if she ends up being your best friend's life partner. If your friend is still with him at the time of the wedding, it would be a major snub to her not to invite him. It's annoying, but I think that if you value your friendship you should invite him.

Vaxtable · 12/12/2024 14:52

I wouldn’t worry about it until you are due to send invites out. It’s over a year away they could be over by then

AngelontopoftheTree · 12/12/2024 14:50

It's more than a year away.... see what the relationship is like this time next year (or even later than that!)

ThisJollyLimeBird · 12/12/2024 14:48

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BeensOnToost · 12/12/2024 14:46

I'd give her a save the date and speak to her to say you'd love them both to come but don't feel you know him well enough yet so perhaps you could get together in the New Year.

Alternatively make her a bridesmaid and make it subtley but repeatedly clear that her duties mean that he will be alone most of the day.

TokyoSushi · 12/12/2024 14:43

If they've only been together 6 months, he's a bit weird around you, and the wedding isn't until 2026 I really wouldn't be worrying about it yet.

She could have found somebody else and had a child with them by then!

isthesolution · 12/12/2024 14:42

Just invite your friend. Or your friend +1

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