to not understand MNers against neurodiversity

A lot of the time the suggestions are outright offensive to neurodivergent people. It doesn't help anyone to conflate misbehaviour with neurodivergence.

I am yet to see a post like that where the poster hasn’t considered and/or ruled out neurodiversity.

Either way, I think posting “maybe you could try A to deal with X” is far more helpful than “maybe your child has something wrong with their brain because I do”, which is rude, invasive, overstepping and inappropriate!

You are a complex individual, as is the child, and you cannot extrapolate your diagnosis to them, someone you have never met, based on a few traits!

I think the problem with neurodiversity is that behaviour affects not just the individual displaying it, but those around them, be that within an intimate relationship or in a classroom setting, and when those behaviour traits are negative they can cause lasting damage.

A new kid started in DD class who clearly has some fairly significant ND and accompanying behavioural issues. Unfortunately his behaviour has had a negative and lasting impact on several of his classmates, impacting their education and mental health. But I have definitely notice a degree of dismissiveness from some with ND used as an excuse. Frankly my priority is my DD safety and education, his ND is not my problem.

Poster: X is being a cunt

MN: oh, neurodivergency!

That’s why

Widening the scope of anything will always dilute the resources available. It's not just true for ND but anything in life. Of course you can always argue that more funding/resource should be made available but this realistically won't happen and in some cases the resource can't be easily expanded anyway irrespective of money.

For example, the idea of people needing additional 'support' normally always means that someone somewhere needs to somehow give this additional support. This can be difficult when there are lots of people demanding additional support and not enough people in a position to offer it as so many people feel already stretched to the limit. I am thinking most notably of family situations with high levels of ND or schools where there is limited SEN resource. Ultimately it is a difficult being the support so most people aren't queuing up to these jobs even if the funding exists.

This is a false narrative though. I am late diagnosed and it certainly has not helped me not to know or receive help growing up. School was hell and I was unable to finish uni. As a result a career I might enjoy was out of reach. Job after job ended in burned out failure. Not getting help early on didn’t help me toughen up and succeed at all. Am I good at masking? Sure. That ability helped me get into terrible relationships where I masked and pretzeled myself into oblivion. Only since finding out I am Autistic have I begun to gain self-acceptance, self-awareness, coping strategies, and so on. Early diagnosis is critical for many ND individuals to have a chance at succeeding in life.

Excessive, poor analysis and projection are a modern hobby. Unqualified people suggesting other people are ND is rude, invasive and lacks decorum.

Armchair/barstool psychoanalysis is a rude hobby, we are not all specimens in a pitri dish. The motivations for the analysis and poorly formed conclusions are often questionable.

I am currently perimenopausal, I regularly research the menopausal process. It's helping me to navigate what I am experiencing. Personal experience and personal research does not qualify me to make medical suggestions to other people.

There seems to be a current wave of interest in neuro diversity, to the extent that it is paralysing all other discussions. All the analysis and coping strategies are becoming quite convoluted.

Another comparison might be a dry alcoholic, suggesting to everyone that any reference to alcohol or to a pub or a baileys coffee is an indicator of there being an addiction issue. Every now and again, that will be true, but just because the dry alcoholic finds the connection everywhere, it doesn't mean their personal perspective is balanced, nuanced or fully educated on the topic. They may be projecting. They may be pontificating.

I agree. And in another recent post, a parent is saying over and over again that she has no concerns re ND, her daughter doesn’t have any other traits bar one which is totally normal for the stage of life she is in. And yet posters are ignoring this and saying over and over again ‘it sounds like adhd!’ The post wasn’t even about whether the child was ND or not

it’s baffling why anyone would think this was appropriate

It does seem very insulting to all the lovely behaved ND children that posters will jump in and suggest ND when a child misbehaves.

Why? Autistic traits include lack of impulse control, sensory overwhelm/meltdown, not understanding social rules like 'when to stop' before things get out of hand. Of course autism presents differently in everyone, but "bad" behaviour can be a key marker of autistic children, who are no less disabled or deserving than their beautifully behaved ND peers. What they are is less socially acceptable, because society wants to blame someone (mothers, usually) for what the child is unable to control.

Most of the children at my DC's specialist school for autistic/ADHD kids would be considered "naughty" by MN standards. The school works hard to manage those behaviours whilst recognising that often the child just cannot control their reactions in an age-appropriate way, and is not making a "choice" to misbehave.

I'd rather suggest ND to a struggling parent and be wrong, than increase that child's trauma by letting the parent continue with typical parenting methods (time out, consequences, etc) that will just never work on some ND kids.

As repeated throughout this thread, the advice sought is about dealing with behaviour or situations, and yet people want to diagnose the people in the story with whatever neuro condition they deem fit.

Maybe you could give a different perspective on handling a situation in light of your neurodiversity, but you can’t extrapolate a condition onto someone else just because of your experience.

Just because you feel positive/relieved/whatever in your diagnosis, doesn’t mean that will be the same for everyone.

You are, in effect, telling someone you think there is something “wrong” with them. That their brain, personality, and self isn’t “normal”. That could be deeply upsetting to hear.

You can’t dish out random diagnoses just because you are neurodiverse. It’s not an appropriate way to speak to people! I don’t understand why you’re failing to grasp this?

You aren’t a professional, you aren’t in a position to diagnose, you can’t diagnose anything based on a few traits/quirks/preferences anyway, so why not just keep your notions to yourself instead of projecting them onto other people?

ND seems to be the first explanation some posters jump to without exploring anything else. For example, a mum posts about the challenging behaviour of her child. Straight away some people suggest ND. But further questioning tells us that the behaviour is relatively new, mum left a violent husband six months ago, has met a new man who has moved in, and they are trying to have a baby. Sometimes there are other fairly obvious reasons for a child's challenging behaviour.

When I see a thread where a poster is describing some terrible parenting and there is a badly behaved child now. It does seem very insulting to all the lovely behaved ND children that posters will jump in and suggest ND when a child misbehaves.

Maybe those posters mean well but many people out there do on a subconscious level equate bad behaviour with ND.

It's not a problem for me since I'm pushing 50 and am comfortable in my skin. I do mention it to my son as he is at the sweet spot where he thinks it matters with school, EHCP meetings, lots of attention, but no friends. Medical professionals and teachers fall in to the paid for category, outside that there are people who get you and people who don't. You can't force it by whipping out a diagnosis.

Every single one of us is somewhere on the spectrum.

Offensive and untrue.

MN is a bit schizophrenic on this issue. A DC causing trouble in school because of behavioral issues caused by autism = exclude them from everything that involves NT children being inconvenienced, deny there is any disability to be accommodated, and blame the parents. Adult struggling with executive function, being a crap spouse or just generally unpleasant to be around = he sounds just like my autistic DH/DW (who can't help it, bless).

FWIW when childless, I used to think a lot of so-called neurodivergence was actually poor diet, too much TV and lax parenting. Then I had a severely autistic child who is utterly impervious to discipline, rules, social norms, the opinions of others, consequences etc. I know better than that now, but children like my DS are absolutely fair game on here - and ableist views concerning neurodivergence are never moderated.

These type of threads are pointless tbh OP because you'll always have numerous posters making up threads where someone said they didn't like pasta and someone said maybe they're autistic. This just doesn't happen but it doesn't stop people spouting shit.

Then you'll get all the people saying that everyone is somewhere on the spectrum or that they know someone who blames everything on their diagnosis when really they're just doing perfectly normal things that everyone does (implying their diagnosis is nonsense).

Basically everything that you say upsets or annoys you in your original post -well someone will find a way to shoe horn that very thing into the thread. People who are not ND don't have a clue, and a lot of people who are ND only know what they are like and don't always realise others may be impacted very differently.

I have dyspraxia, and I have issues with people who want to view ND as some kind of superpower specialness and not for the disabilities they are.

I don't have bruises from a million door handles because I'm oh so clever and different. It's because my stupid brain can't move my stupid legs to the right position to not smash into things.

Yes, there are some differences in how I process things. But for the main part I would like to NOT be dyspraxic.

This is scaremongering. Unless you are a very close friend of someone, why would you (a non-professional with zero clue) attempt to diagnose them with a brain tumour on the back of headaches?

It is neither helpful, appropriate nor kind to tell someone their traits may be linked to neurodiversity. You can’t tell people there might be something “wrong” with their brain, and by extension themselves and their personality, unprovoked.