To feel like such a failure over my son's GCSEs?

Has he been assessed by an OT yet?

DS has dysgraphia but was seen four months after being added to the waiting list. He got his additional needs arrangements drawn up for his exams. Extra time and ICT support. Without the OT report to confirm he needed extra time there's no way he would have passed all his exams.

Tell me you don’t understand neurodivergence without telling me you don’t understand neurodivergence.

This. The only person they affect is your son, so you need to support him to understand the implications and then come up with a strategy that works for him.

@wombat15

Perhaps the posters you so easily dismissed as clueless have actual lived experience!

He loves reading manga and has asked for books for Christmas so this is why we never suspected dyslexia.

This was the same for my daughter. In her dyslexia assessment her reading and writing skills were normal, but her working memory and processing speeds were well below average, which is why she was struggling across the board, as they affect all subjects. It was actually a comment by her English teacher that she could verbalise what she was thinking really well but couldn’t seem to translate that to paper which made me decide to push forward with the assessment.

I’d definitely ask for the screening, it takes about an hour and there isn’t usually a waiting list for that, and then you can decide whether to get him tested based on the outcome of the screening. It’s not just about getting him help right now, it’s a diagnosis that could help him for the rest of his life, so never too late! As pp said both my dyslexic girls found the diagnosis really helpful in terms of them understanding why they struggle in certain areas and it’s not that they’re ‘thick’. Even if he’s not dyslexic it would be useful to rule it out.

I would get him assessed for dyslexia as soon as possible. Relatively small adjustments could make a lot of difference. The posters suggesting it is too late are clueless.

The time to say he has dyslexia or whatever to blame on his performance has gone. You could try getting him a tutor but if he's not interested, I wouldn't stress him out. Just be there for him.

I also think you should ask him what he wants to do with his life/what his plans are.

Not everyone is academic and they do very well in life.
Maybe he would prefer a trade?

Can only agree with others that the focus needs to be on what he wants to do in the future and what he needs to do now to achieve that. Even if what he wants to do is ‘not take resits’ that could be the necessary motivation to put some effort in for maths and English at least.

From other replies it seems like it might not be too late to get a dyslexia assessment if you go private.

I agree with other posters talk to the school but more importantly talk to your ds.
3 of mine were super high achiever's academically and worked for this too
Dd 4 is in same year as your son and unlikely to pass any subject so was a massive shock but we've got an official ASD diagnosis and she has extra time and quieter room and a reader now.
You must have had some insight into his academic expectations or grades beige now ?
Seriously though in this day and age please encourage him whatever and praise him to just be his best self. It will be hard enough for him at this time with being a teen and not doing particularly well at school . He may be doing his absolute best to just get to school or turn up. When he gets home he may just need to practice self care and that's okay .
He will be even more aware than you are of his academic status. He's possibly feeling even worse than you because he feels he's letting you down
With the mental health crisis and the pressure on our teens your priority is open and honest supportive communication.
Thinking of you and hope your okay

What does he want to do after?

A few kids I went to school with were not at all academic but have gone on to run businesses, trades and one has even won several awards for being outstanding in his field. A fish will spend its life thinking its stupid if its judged on its ability to climb a tree.

The action I would take would depend on his 5 and 10 year goals.

If he wants to go to uni to study with his mates, he obviously needs a bloody good shake. If he wants to be an apprentice bricklayer, I'd care far less about the results. The important thing is that he needs some kind of plan if henisnt generally pulling good grades because he doesn't have the luxury of deciding later because poor grades will limit his choices - so it's important for him to want to do something from that more limited pool.

Another in agreement about focusing on Maths and English.

Are school doing any catch up sessions?

Unfortunately they do att least English and Maths ,to get an apprenticeship, you need to gave at least a grade four or equivalent in English and maths.

A 3 can easily become a 4 by May with a bit of work.

What has he applied for to do after GCSEs? What have they said he needs? I agree with others about making sure he gets English and Maths; it’s a shame that other subjects get pushed aside for these but they are the ones that have to be resat and can hold people back.

How does he feel about the mocks? If he agrees he didn’t work as hard as he could, there’s an in for you to make a plan together. School should be helping with revision techniques, schedules etc.

The good news is that if he is a borderline 3/4 student he will probably find he is suddenly the target of a lot of attention from teachers!

You are not a failure just like I am not totally responsible for my students’ results. It’s a triangle of you, the teacher and the student. Each part of that triangle needs to make their best effort. Yours is providing support, a nice space to revise and lots of food!

My eldest only received an official diagnosis after the GCSEs and that was only because changed to his younger siblings school for his A levels.
DC was very relieved to receive the extra reading time and this has followed him into adulthood.
You are doing your DS a disservice, ask for him to be assessed. It changed both my DCs lives because they realised they weren't stupid. One of them now has 2 firsts and the other has just finished his MA.

What are his working grades like? It's worth speaking to his teachers to find out if he's actually working at his best or is being slack. If his best is at a 3 that's perfectly OK, he's just not academic. If he's being slack then yes, you need to intervene but it doesn't mean you've failed, neither situation does.

Always worth remembering that unless you've a specific field in mind, GCSEs really don't mean much. There's plenty of miserable ppl in jobs they don't like with great exam results & the opposite for people with terrible results.

My DD who is dyslexic tried very hard with her schoolwork and achieved 3s and 4s throughout. Went on to an art course at college and did well, now has a great job and is very happy. GCSEs are not the be all and end all. Focus on getting the grades necessary for whatever form of further education he wants. If he can find a course he's really interested in, it will help him with a goal to work towards.
DH failed all his GCSES (dyslexic) and now owns a very successful company and is an expert in his field. He was excellent at college level when he found his niche and then his confidence.

What makes you think he's dyslexic? I would see if you can speak to his teachers and get their thoughts. Would he be open to assessment? I'd imagine you would have to go private to get anything booked before GCSEs.

Dyslexia can really affect confidence, if it is that. Especially at crunch times like exams. But, yes as pps have said, even if he focuses on English and Maths that would be better than spreading him too thin. Does he have any subjects he enjoys?

Also, I am a teacher and I agree. Just focus on maths and English for now.

Not if it’s taught properly. I feel sorry for you if you had such terrible teachers that that’s all you took from the experience.

Talk to school, work out a way he can focus on just Maths and English and whatever he needs to get on a vocational course next year.
Start looking at what he can do at college now, so it becomes about a means to getting the future he wants rather than exams for the sake of exams.

Is there any way he could reduce the number of GCSE’s. ?
Would he be able to focus on about seven GCSE’s?

And I think GCSE absolutely sucks. From what I can tell... a lot is about memorising mark schemes.

I feel your pain.
Are his friends studying? Would a sturdy buddy help?
Marks that are under expected marks can either motivate or demoralise- if he is the latter, need to find the key to unlock this (which might be external motivation like bribery rewards)
Active revision. Could you / partner do this with him? IE maths with him? You do one question, he does the next etc
English- does he know the texts? Can you discuss key themes with him ? If he doesn't like reading, loads of online videos to watch.