To feel like such a failure over my son's GCSEs?

He will be fine. Kids find their own path eventually even if it isn’t the one you hoped for them. I did crap in my GCSEs, passed I think one A-Level and barely attended, then dropped out of the next course I started. Bummed about for a bit, worked, got some money, did an access course, then a degree, worked, then another degree. I’m a staff nurse working in a highly acute specialty, and will probably start my Masters a year or so after my little one is born next year. Not bad for someone all my teachers wrote off!

@Penguinface my experience is that prompting gets missed in exams and no one will sit next to him it will be more invigilator walking around. He will have his arrangements written down.

Dyslexia and dsyogralhia classic signs are verbally very eloquently and good vocabulary and understanding but poor written work... Op unfortunately his self esteem has probably take a massive hit over the years stuck in a outdated system where no one has understood him and been able to teach him in the way he needs.

You need an entire different approach I'd apologise to him explain our shit school system, and try and bridge that gap get Senco involved etc and maybe pay for a diagnoses.

The work on different motivations for right now, can you afford to pay him for work?
Anything that helps him right now because it's been left to fester for so long?
Tutors definitely.

Show him successful people with those sen

Great you’ve got it sorted
Seriously consider my previous suggestion though and ask for him to be entered into less exams - even 6 or 7 instead of 9/10 makes a huge difference
It will remove pressure considerably and will give him more time to focus on the ones that matter.
I know you said you are going to focus on maths, English and science anyway but he will still have to do something for the others and time will be spent sitting those exams and preparing for them
Having less overall will make a huge difference, I know my DD would have never got into college without doing that

currently going through this with my 15yo DD who we strongly suspect is ADHD/ASD although not diagnosed (school agree, and both myself and her older brother have AuDHD diagnosis)

The school have agreed to treat her as needing ALL the help, she has a laptop, access to a scribe (she dictates they do the writing for her) movement breaks, a separate rooms for exams, however ALL that help cannot make her do the homework, or write anything down during the exams.. her attention span wanders.

She was forecast 8 due to her working grades/engagement in class, but its proving in the actual exams we're fighting for 4s and 5s if we're lucky.

We have agreed a strategy during her last round of mocks that she has extra time to read the papers,, work out which questions are worth the most points, do some prep work (write down on another piece of paper what each questions is asking) and to tackle those first.

We also have some reference cards in the car that before each exam we go over what this exam asks for, whether its just finding evidence, or arguing for/against...etc

Her speaking exams in spanish and english will be done while walking in an enclosed environment as more conversational rather than exam-like to try and keep her attention focussed.

You have to be in communication with the school, think outside the box, try to see what works.

She won't do homework, so she attends regular intervention sessions at school. WE use the drive to school for some revision, its 10 mins twice a day, so we have some revision cards and focus on one or two per day.

At the moment she has a good passing grade in Art & Music, we're managing to hit target in Maths, history is borderline, and English and Science are more questionable

Ultimately, remember, exams can be retaken (her older brother is redoing both his English/maths during college) and results do not define who they are.

Can you afford to pay for tutoring for English and Maths?

Also a 3 is close to a 4. It’s nothing but revision from here on out. It is not a lost cause!

You can absolutely do an apprenticeship without 4s in Maths and English. For any parents worried about this check vacancies on the gov.uk website. There are lots of Level 2 apprenticeships and students can work on their M/E alongside. I have supported lots of students who are not getting 4s but have amazing work experience and have already got an apprenticeship secured for after Year 11. He also has college as an option.

My advice would be to focus on Maths and English as he will have more options (level 2 or level 3 apprenticeship). If he doesn’t quite get his 4s he can just do a Level 2 college course and move up to a Level 3 the following year. No big deal. Or the apprenticeship route. It’s not the end of the world and he still has lots of options. Good luck x

I understand completely and feel the same. It keeps me awake at night worrying. Talk to the school and explain this to them.

My son was diagnosed with ASD in the summer and has dyspraxia and possibly dyslexia. We are waiting for an adhd assessment too. He got 1s in his last mocks and a U in maths and science. This was based on him doing absolutely no work at home. His teachers have told me that he just missed out on 2s for his history, ICT and business. He uses a laptop and it was the layout and composition of his answers that he missed out on. He got a distinction in his English speech and already a level 2 merit in his ICT course work.

He uses a laptop for all his work and his exams as his writing is illegible.

We’re focusing on him getting at least four grade 2s so he can go to our local college and do a sports course (level 2). Sadly the school system has failed him despite all our best efforts and making him complete hours of revision at home after an already very difficult day at school would be cruel.

His maths teacher is asking if he can sit the functional skills grade 1 so he will at least leave school with a maths qualification. He is legally required to sit his gcse maths but stands no chance of getting a grade. He will get his English language if we take the steps his teacher has advised us of. So instead of learning endless Macbeth quotes we are focusing on his English language revision, his story writing and laying out his work correctly on the laptop.

We do at least now feel we have a realistic plan and way forward which has helped reduce some of my anxiety and worries for him and his future.

As others have said, set some realistic goals and plans and focus on his next steps. School isn’t for everyone.

You have my sympathy.

My son was exactly like this, never passed English but closer to the time he did pull his finger out and do some work. He didn't get the results parents dream of but enough to get to the next stage and by some miracle got a 6 in English despite never having got more than a 3 before.

I would say as hard as it is you need to step back a bit. His results are not a reflection on you or your parenting. I would far rather have a son I liked with rubbish GCSE's than a right arsehole with all 9s.

Also, the amount of parents who told me their offspring were on track for all 8s and 9s who were very silent on results day was huge! So let that wash over you.

Hopefully he will pass but if not then all is not lost. Don't forget a huge number don't pass and still end up with jobs.

If he wants to do an apprenticeship then college can provide a bridge if his results aren't great. They will let him study alongside resitting his English and maths.

https://www.virgin.com/branson-family/richard-branson-blog/my-message-to-anyone-disheartened-by-exam-results

If he is dyslexic he may struggle significantly with organisation. Be prepared to step in and help more than you might think. Sit with him, so he is not struggling alone. Being dyslexic but undiagnised destroys your self esteem. Show him the Richard Branson article and do everything you can to rebuild his confidence in himself.

I would get a private opinion/diagnosis on the possible dyslexia asap (no point waiting for NHS!) to get him some extra time I. The exams when they come. And tutor for maths and English. Make sure you have all the coursework books, and go through the other subjects with him bit by bit, using recommended YouTube videos (lots of engaging, fun teachers on there which my son found) and go through it together.

Hi op, it's common for people with undiagnosed difficulties to switch off and give up, understandable when everyone around them succeeds without effort and they assume they're just no good.

Here are some links from dyslexia association to hopefully help

https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/children/my-childs-education/reasonable-adjustments-in-education

https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexia

@RhaenysRocks
Once again, it's not unfair.
You refer to your ds and medication for ADHD, but most dyslexia, like OP's ds's dyslexia, is not treated with medication, and often if it is it is atomoxetine which is still an ADHD drug primarily, when dyslexia occurs alongside ADHD, which it can do.

No idea if it will work but I totally bribed my youngest. A tenner for each one above a c (it was letters then!) and 50 for maths and 50 for English. She got 12 all Bs and Cs and I ended up skint!

Explain to him that the exams are non-negotiable. He has to do them. And if he fails them, he'll only have to do them again. And again. Because all jobs require a basic level of education. So if he doesn't like them, the best solution is to work now, so he never has to do them again.

I'd tell him to focus on Maths and the two Englishes and maybe a couple of other ones that he likes best, and just not worry about the rest. Way better to get good grades in the most important subjects than to get stressed about trying to pass them all and failing.

The school should have spotted dyslexia ages ago. Shame on them if they didn't. If he really does have it, I might suggest that he doesn't take the exams, but gets a proper diagnosis and adjustments, and then just does the key subjects as resits next year, if that is an option.

In terms of helping him - the best way is to ask him to explain stuff to you - to check he understands it. There is a massive gap between familiarity and recall. Teens don't always realise this. They read or hear something and recognise it and think 'Oh yeah, I know that.' But that's not the same as being able to recall it with no prompts in an exam.

With Eng Lit watch all the versions you possibly can. If it's Inspector Calls, the BBC version is pretty good. Macbeth - the movie and maybe try to see the play too. Get hold of the full text comic strip version too. That's helpful for dyslexics to follow the story. Christmas Carol - loads of TV and movie adaptations and often on in local theatres. Not all versions will be 100% faithful to the original, but he can get to know the main characters and story lines and then use BBC bitesize etc for the rest.

With Maths, Khan Academy free online tutorials used to be good (years since DS2 did GCSEs so I might be out of touch) but Khan is good at explaining things clearly to people who struggle with maths. Pick a topic he needs to get better at and help him work through it.

That's very unfair. My son got a diagnosis after ten years of being told no and that he didn't meet thresholds. He's now in y11 and may or may not pass a decent number of exams. I had to pay £££ which I don't have to get the diagnosis. School did actually put some help in place prior to that but he has struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis which he would not have done if it had happened earlier and is not medicated as a result. OP as a teacher, I echo what pp said..it's easiest if he can get them.now but there are plenty of other routes and ways . A number of AuADHD kids I know do all get there, but they are 2-5 years behind is all. It seems like a lot now, but it won't be relevant in a few years time.

My friend in desperation paid £600 for a lovely chap privately from Teddington, do the dyslexia tests, and although school objected, she then fought hard to get them to put in place as many of his suggestions for reasonable adjustments as they could within the timeframe. She nigh on told the school she expected them to make extra effort as they'd basically failed him before.

I know not everyone has such money available. But I'd move heaven and earth and fight for my life, to at least know I'd done all I could. Wouldn't you?

@SilverBlueRabbit & @Vettrianofan

I disagree. That what I wrote is fair. He has been failed here, by the school, by the system. Irrespective of masking, and even if it was 'half way through high school that the cracks started to show', for op, he's been let down. There was stulll time to put some things in place, if they had acted. School gave him a reader, but then did not much more. And he's now got a 3. But if they'd done the OT or Ed psych tests that they should've done in either year 8,9 or 10 then things would've been already set up for him.

Unfortunately in year 11, having just done Oct mocks, it's late to get the things put in place by tests being fine specifically for dyslexia, or on his 'processing' etc, in time for May 25.

But op can at least write, push, request, stress the urgency, to Senco and Head, to ask for all (basically implying that they need to act immediately as they've previously nigh on failed him) , eg possibly Agree to drop a subject etc if that helps.

my second son has dyscalculia and I suspect dyslexia however he scraped ok passes at nat 5, Mananger to get into higher English, maths chemistry and pe, just didn’t know what on earth he wanted to do, I had similar battles with him, he just had little motivation and hated the school work part of school - he discovered girls late and was a bit over enthusiastic. He ended up not sitting his highers, dropping out mid s6 and worked in a few jobs he hated until he somehow managed to get himself a job as a dispatcher at the airport, the interview was supposed to be for baggage handlers. But he’s quite a charming lad and seems built a rapport with the manager who then decided to put him forward for dispatcher, which he loves with a passion, he was 18 when he started and is living his best life, he talks about work a lot and has just been cleared to dispatch the American Airlines so is quite happy about that. I thought he’d struggle and go from dead end job to dead end job, college didn’t appeal so I was worried, I hope you find a solution for your son, do get him screened/ tested (I’m dyslexic) decent help and support will do wonders for him. Or just finding out his interests and what he wants to do, find all the routes in. It’s tough (he’s 2 of 4 boys, eldest is a welder)

Agree with that. Would sit him down and tell his straight in order to make his life easier he at least needs a decent pass in English and maths. It’s a cold world out there. Everyone else will be working from now on he’s going to feel rubbish on results day if he doesn’t.

Then I would facilitate his working take him to plays etc but there is literally not more you can do to make him work.

Keep him away from the “I had no qualifications and I’m fine” brigade. A friend was like that she has really succeeded in the end. But guess who’s bright dd stopped working for GCSEs and dropped out…. Friend was kicking herself for modelling that. Yes it’s possible but it’s much harder now.

OP, please remember that they are HIS GCSEs not yours. I am a teacher and as long as I know I've planned and delivered good lessons, given and checked homework, given feedback on their work and taught them exam skills, I've done my part. If the students don't engage, it's on them not me. Research has shown that a motivated student with a will to learn even with rubbish teaching will do better than an unmotivated one who had excellent teaching because learning is an active process. You sound like an excellent mum but you need to step back now.

That's not really very fair...my eldest didn't give any signs he was struggling at all. Very able academically but it wasn't until half way through high school the cracks started to show....turns out due to hypermobility in his fingers it has contributed to his dysgraphia. Teachers really were concerned they couldn't read his handwriting. OT were able to do thorough assessments to then let us know exactly what has been going on.

No one in primary even knew something was up.