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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care if I wake up tomorrow

133 replies

Fartooold · 11/12/2024 21:39

Don't fret, I'm not suicidal, I just don't care if i wake up tomorrow, or not.
I have a reasonable Life, some might say a full life, but I'm constantly searching for something to be enthused about.
My day to day life is grinding me down, caring for elderly parents, but it's more than that.
I have friends, a full social life, so much I can't fit it all in.

I'm just done.

I keep plodding on, but wondering why.
I'm 63. Not ancient, still extremely fit, a cancer survivor.
But I'm done. I've had a fab life, but I'm treading water now.

Yes, I can afford to travel. Done that.
Yes, I can volunteer. I do that.

But, without an iota of self pity, my life is done.

I had a great marriage, an incredible career, wonderful children, I now have the most incredible grand daughter, and so my job is done.
I don't know why I'm posting this really, just musing on the various stages of life, and coming to the conclusion that we are all living too long😅

I'm not unhappy, just content that I'm done. I know there will be a pile on of amazingly spritely 90,year old living incredible lives, but does anyone feel like me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fartooold · 11/12/2024 22:28

UncertainWife · 11/12/2024 22:24

I agree, there should be an off switch!

Though I wouldn't use it just yet, kids are only just adults so need my support a little longer.

Love the idea of an off switch, but I don't want to know when someone presses it - just go for it peeps🤣

OP posts:
UncertainWife · 11/12/2024 22:24

I agree, there should be an off switch!

Though I wouldn't use it just yet, kids are only just adults so need my support a little longer.

Original poster
Fartooold · 11/12/2024 22:16

Hmm, I don't think I'm depressed, just realising that my life is done to all intents and purposes, and being at peace with that.
I know I might live for God knows how many more years, but I'm questioning why. In an intellectual, not in a woe is me way🤣🤭
I have raised a family, cared for a grandchild, had a loving marriage, had an amazing life.
Now, I'm kind of treading water, I've 'done it all', of course I haven't, but I've done everything I ever wanted to do. So, seriously what us the point of continuing?
Again, no intention of doing away with myself, just pondering on the realisation that there is a natural end to one's place in this life, and then we just have to endure the what comes after.
I could never endorse a 'Logans Run' approach to life ( or death???), but the thought of still living this life for the next 20 or 30 (gulp) years fills me with horror.
There should be an off switch at some point😌

OP posts:
Justalittlenaughty · 11/12/2024 22:16

I'm 47 but have been deciding how long would be ideal to live, I'd be happy with mid 60's no desire to be old and all that comes with it, I have a nice but tiring life, no depression but well controlled anxiety. I get your point entirely. X

UncertainWife · 11/12/2024 22:05

I feel the same. Age 53.

But my feelings are influenced by ongoing pain issues that have bedded in since Sept. Moving hurts so I can't distract myself with cleaning, tidying, long walks, cycling, fitness etc.

Also my job is boring and most of my days are dull.

Can't find much to look forward to at this stage of life.

Lamplighton · 11/12/2024 21:49

YANBU, I’m ambivalent about being alive too but that is an improvement on the last year when I was actively suicidal.
I think a lot of people feel like you OP but probably not when they have friends and family and a good life.

Daysnconfuddled · 11/12/2024 21:49

OP, you might not care if you never wake up, but I assure you that your children and grandchildren would.

Hocuspoc · 11/12/2024 21:45

Hm...to be clear - not a professional here, but you seem to be dealing with some form of depression, or perhaps burnout. Try and talk to a psychologist. Talking to someone - even posting here - is a good first step because you are acknowledging this is something worth talking about.
And although you say you don't care about waking up, this post gives some indication that you'd like to change how you feel! Which is great.

Also - I didn't mean to sound patronising, maybe you are just very peculiar person, and happy in this situation and just being curious if anyone else is like that ..