To not really care if I wake up tomorrow

This feeling came on me after a very distressing bereavement and many years of being a carer. I did not feel depressed, more like an existential crisis where I couldn't see the point of it all. I didn't even mind continuing, just that I was missing why I should and felt a sense of completeness about everything. I did hide this from those around me as no-one wants to hear their mum or someone they love can't be arsed with living anymore.

It did pass though and all of a sudden, or perhaps not that suddenly I've started feeling much more engaged in life. I don't know if I was burned out, drop in hormones, depression crept up on me or whether these are just phases and stages. I can imagine a time when I'll be very old and happy to just shut my eyes on the world, but it's not yet anyway, I may have been a little premature.

How about curiosity 😊
If you think about it, how the world looked like 30 years ago - just focusing on technology for the purpose of this example - early 1990s vs early 2020s
Things we are seeing now - starting with us chatting like this (yes the concept of internet was there but just the beginnings) - just look at where the social networks are at the moment.
Similarly - we just started with chat gpt - can you imagine 20 years from now?
Or if you are not excited by technology progress, perhaps you can identify an old passion of yours - a place to be, a thing to do, and imagine yourself letting yourself do just that or be just there for pure enjoyment while retired.

Or if that doesn't do it for you, you can dive into exploring filmography from a certain angle and shamelessly being a couch potato in front of a tv.
And join all those weird fan clubs visiting filming locations and reviving the movie scenes etc..
Generally any hobby groups are a total blast - meeting new random people.
I can also recommend trying some stage/performance things - stand up comedy, acting...just for fun.
And finally, if you really really don't know what to do with yourself why not start a small business doing something what you really enjoy and never had courage or time to do...
Having said all you've said about already having completed 'the game' it looks like you can really do anything you wish now!!
You are so lucky 😃

Yep I feel like this at 39. I don't want children because I haven't got the energy to care for them. Life is too much.

Not sure what I'm meant to say back to you.

I'm very grateful for your post. I feel the same. I'm nearly 70 and feel quite happy and content with my daily life but I feel like I've had a great life and done everything I want to and I'm quite ready to leave quietly. I believe in God and I'm looking forward to finding out what Eternity is like. I understand that the people who love me would miss me, but I have to go one day. But I can also accept that God may have something He wants me to do on earth in the future, so I don't mind quietly waiting and enjoying my pleasant life until I find out if I have to.

I wouldn't do anything about it, so I'm not suicidal. I'm not interested in discussing it with professionals. I am interested that it has a name and is related to grief as I lost someone very dear to me unexpectedly a couple of years ago. So maybe the feeling will pass.

@Fartooold I feel exactly the same, so thank you for saying this. I thought it was just me. I have never been afraid of death, or rather, the end of my life. It is difficult to articulate for fear of minimises the struggles or health issues, others face.
@Justalittlenaughty I also, concur with your words

You are a victim or the adult social care hell! Looking after elderly in ill health is full on. I’m 38 and have a 70 year old parent with a progressive neurological disease (carers in 8 hours a day and I live 2 hours away) and I have a toddler. Other parent died several years ago so it’s all on me.

It’s all too much and I often wish I didn’t wake up because the stress and sheer responsibility is too much!

I had a spell when I felt that way @Fartooold . I was diagnosed with depression and had treatment. Speak to your GP. 💐

BTW this feeling is called passive suicidal ideation. I only know this because I have it too from time to time as I indicated above. Google it for more information. It is very common around times of grief (caring for elderly parents prior to death can involve grieving as well).

It's worth keeping a watch on your mental health though because it is a risk indicator for tipping over into actively feeling suicidal.

I'm terrified of dying and 63 sounds so young. I want to live til my 90s. But it's quite reassuring to think maybe there will be a time when I feel.like I'm done and am ready to go.

How old is your grandchild OP? Don't you want to see her grow up?

How old are your children? They may still need you more than you realise.

I'm 46 and my mum.died a few years ago. I miss her terribly and she was 10 years older than you when she died. I wish my children could have grown up with her around but they won't have that opportunity sadly..

You're not alone. My life is fine. But I'm just not that bothered anymore.

Omg I relate to this so much, but can never phrase it quite so eloquently. When I speak to my friends about this, they automatically take the depression route. I am also "done". I've done everything I wanted or needed to do. My kids have flown the nest, I'm a widow so live on my own but work full time, have a good circle of friends, and am always burning the candle at both ends...but I am really and truly done.

I'm in my early 70's and pretty much feel the same way. If there was an immediate off switch I possibly would use it. There isn't - so on I go...being amusing and jolly and happy and no one has a clue.

I have felt like this, genuinely content with my life and like there was nothing else I wanted to do. I've shifted again though and am now looking forward to the future and planning things and just enjoying life more than I was. I'm not sure if I was depressed or in a strange life stage or just sometimes you do get fed up of it all. You are a carer though and that absolutely burns out your energy, so it may be you are having a dip. See how you feel in a little while, I have found finding new projects and interests, even when older, has revived me a lot and now I'm keen to do new things because as long as I'm living, I've got to do something, you can't just lie down on the floor and stop because you'd have to get up again in half an hour and it would knacker your knees.

I don’t feel like this at all. I absolutely love my (some could say boring!) life. I hope I live ‘til my 90’s & life will never be long enough for me. Yes it gets very mundane but then are amazing bits too.

Your children & grandchildren will 100% feel the opposite of what you feel, you’re extremely precious to them so they’ll want to hang on on you you for a while longer!

My mum is 69 and I want her to keep waking up for as long as possible. I cannot bear the thought of her not being around. And my nieces adore her. 63 is young!!

My day to day life is grinding me down, caring for elderly parents, but it's more than that.
I keep plodding on, but wondering why.
I'm 63. Not ancient, still extremely fit, a cancer survivor.
But I'm done. I've had a fab life, but I'm treading water now.

I have been you and am only just not in that moment right now but maybe tomorrow.

The issue is actually your first sentence. I was the same. You are burnt out from caring. Facing the mortality of your parents is a big part of that feeling.

I think what is going on (I feel this in my better moments) is that you are in a transitional shift from one life chapter to the next life chapter. There is a next life chapter but you aren't seeing any possible joy in it when you are so ground down by caring.

Caring is very very VERY hard. I know you know but don't underestimate the toll it takes and how much it contributes to you feeling the way you feel.

I feel like a huge fucking hypocrite writing this because I know in a matter of hours/days I will feel the same - not caring if I don't wake up and not really wanting to. But when I am in a the dip of a wave of that feeling, I can see the sky and know what the problem is.

It's terrible feeling this way I know and I identify totally. I'm only posting positively because right now this second I'm not in the dark grip of it.

Don’t you feel you want to be with you kids and grandkids for as long as possible?
The thought of having to leave my dd makes me feel sick

Isn't it your time now though? Up to now, you've been doing stuff for or with others. Who are you as an individual? Not what you do / have done or who you care for / volunteer for etc. You seem to be measuring your worth by your achievements and accomplishments.

But for me.. there is always just 1 more book I want to read.

Yes me too. I'm 75 and reasonably healthy. I worked till I was 72 . I rarely see my adult kids and growing granchildren. I feel I'm done and don't want lots of years . Friends all moved on or away or died . I don't see a future as bright or exciting there's nothing waiting for me . Lived alone 20 years and it's a struggle . Life is harsh