To not really care if I wake up tomorrow

I had to quote this because thats exactly it.....in one sentence. I'm not depressed, I'm at peace. And that sums me up. I see no point in carrying on for another 20 odd years. For what? I've been there, seen it, done it...several times over. Got the t shirt. Have built a legacy that hopefully my kids will carry on with. So what is the point in just dragging myself through the days, eventually possibly becoming a burden on everybody around me?

Don't underestimate the impact of caring for elderly parents. It is the most miserable and draining experience I've ever had. It is ruining my life. It's likely to go on for years and I can't bear the prospect. But have to just keep putting up with it. Listening to the endless complaints and frustrations of old people who have had their life, but now want me to devote mine to them.

Unbearable.

I feel like that but I've had a shit life.

If you don’t wake up in the morning you won’t be aware of it. There will be no enjoyment in having your wish granted.
People usually wish for something that will bring them happiness.

I know what you mean as well. I’m not at that stage yet but really can’t see the point in carrying on once I’m no longer able to get any enjoyment from life. The idea of sitting in a chair day in, day out with someone getting me in and out of bed holds absolutely no appeal whatsoever. An off switch is an excellent idea.

I know what you mean. I am aiming for 85 years of life maximum.

That said, last time I felt that way I spoke to the GP and she upped my HRT and now I’m much more engaged with life again.

I felt like this too, caring for a child with additional needs is just like groundhog day and I genuinely didn’t care if I woke up in the morning or not. Almost longed for the day when being me would end and I could just rest. Felt like all the fun and laughter of life was over for me and my life was done.

Then one day I said all this to a friend as we were sharing a biscuit and I thought she’d be shocked but she asked me to tell her what she should do when she was only down to the last few biscuits - should she throw them away? I just laughed and and said why would you throw them away, they’re just as good as the ones at the top of the pack.

She said well there you go, our days are like these biscuits, they all have equal value, the day you were born, the day you were married, today and all the tomorrows to come.

Apparently it was something she’d read in a book and it had stayed with her. It’s probably a bit trite but I could see the truth in it and it did shift my perspective a bit. I’m not sky diving or wind surfing or anything dramatic like that but I do now remind myself that I am worth the same as I always was, that my time is just as valuable as it ever was. I’ve taken up yoga, go for walks, read more, plant vegetables, do things that make me feel nice in the small rare moments that I have for myself. Started listening to music more too. I find that I look forward to things now, the day where I can balance on one leg in yoga class, when I can eat something I planted, finding out how a book ends etc. Tiny little things really but it’s value. Getting to know new people has also re-energised me a little.

Your feelings are totally valid and understandable and it’s brave of you to voice them and risk being judged. I hope that amazing courage will eventually serve you in other ways so that you find the things that life can still offer you.

Another here suffering a similar feeling and a sense of existential crisis. For me widowhood nearly three years ago was the catalyst. As a result all the domino's fell down - lost my business, had to downsize due to home landlord selling up and am now in the thick of geriatric roulette - my elderly parents separated this year and my whole focus is now running interference for my frail elderly DF while my SM goes unpleasantly round the bend. Honestly the last three years have been one long round of "you couldn't make this shit up".

I've weathered a few storms in my life but my ability to "pick myself up dust myself down and start all over again" has deserted me. I don't have the financial wherewithal to do anything except keep a roof over my head, and employment prospects are bleak.

I think the points about our role in society as women is an interesting one. Adult DC have their own lives and being a burden is the ultimate sin. I do have my health, but mentally I'm absolutely done with everything. Obviously I wouldn't do anything stupid, because that would be awful for my family and the few friends I have left. But I feel very obligated to sit in the carer box which means I feel it's pointless to try and do anything else because it seems every time I try the Universe throws yet another curveball and some crisis has to be managed. I'm an only child as was my late DP and we have 5 / 6 parents still in play - yay for blended families!

I feel pretty much disconnected from "the real world" and any sort of support is such a bureaucratic nightmare to access. I do have a fabulous social prescriber who I entertain with my woes in as amusing a fashion as I can for an hour once a month, but really, what can anyone really do for me except express sympathy or more annoyingly, pity.

So I'm pretty zen in many ways because being anything else is too exhausting. And I'm well aware plenty of other people have it worse.

I think the brave new world we live in comes with some unrealistic expectations. Losing the love of my life was not an opportunity to carve out a brand new shiny life for myself. It was shocking, brutal, and has turned things upside down, all against my expectations and will, yet people seem to think I should just get over it and negativity is verboten.

I often use the expression "surviving out of spite" but secretly, I wouldn't mind if I didn't.

So solidarity to all feeling this kind of thing.

I know I'm a bit different in terms of circumstance to the OP but the sentiment is resonant so I hope no-one minds me chiming in.

Realistically we're all just "filling time" every day of our lives. Having a career, a family etc, are all ways of filling our time here. Few people get to do something truly remarkable that will impact the world as a whole.

Most people just pass through. Sure we might be missed by family/friends when we're gone, but once they're gone too, we're totally forgotten!

I don't "fear" death. It makes no real difference to me if I die now or in 30 years time. Once I'm gone, I'm gone and I will know nothing about it (don't believe in any kind of "afterlife"). So whatever I did or didn't do in life is meaningless at that point to me, as I won't exist to know.

I'd like to hang around a bit longer, mainly for my DC. I enjoy life on a day to day basis and would like to keep doing so for a bit longer. But like you, I've done the things I really wanted to do. I think it's ok to feel that way and I wouldn't class it as any kind of depression. I think it's probably far healthier mentally, than wanting to cling on at all costs. I just enjoy each day as it comes and don't worry about much at all.

No... I don't feel like this; I have actually become happier as I have grown older. You are entitled to your own world view of course. I would not comment or challenge your point of view unless you were clinically depressed.

i kind of feel this but as my user name suggests I’m deeply sad. Not depressed but sad and have been for years. Life has been cruel and I have just kind of accepted that I’ve got stuff to do stuff to get through and when I’m done or it’s done that’s that.

Aw what's your passion you couldn't do when you were younger and had kids to direct and manage? Can you go back to that? Join clubs? Volunteer? Arrange to see or help with your gorgeous grandchildren? Xx

You can put me down as a friend. I hope you get to do all your goals...

Think it's time to cook a big comforting pie with mash....

Op
You sound lonely
You said you 'had' a good marriage....are you now on your own.
My dh is my best friend, now the kids have flown the nest - and for me empty nest was an awful big adjustment
You also casually mention care for elderly parents - another huge , demanding thing - that sends people over the edge
Your life in these alone doesn't sound very contented - unless I've missed something...

I think your point is wise and the crux of low mood for many older people. We live in an ageist society which no longer values wisdom or the old. It didn't help when we had a prime minister who actually publicly said old people should be gotten rid of. Bye Boris. Our culture is very different to many others even in Europe, toward the old. Everyone forgets that one day they too will be in that space and that paying it forward is a self preservation thing as well as the decent thing to do. There is only one thing worse than being an older person and that is being an older person who is female. Rank and institutional ageist mysogeny all around which is depressing in the extreme.

You need to expand your horizons a bit OP. New ones or old ones. The curiosity and joy of life seem to have vacated your universe. Living and accessing the joy of each day is a skill we have to master. Surely our lives are not defined by a list of functions and linear milestones. Personally I cannot fault the breath of fresh air that comes with being outside, seeing some thing grow or a fresh sunrise, a mellow evening and the like.

Maybe friendship groups or interests would be a thing for you to develop. This has helped me. Using my gifts to help others has definitely helped me. I do think you sound low in mood. My life has been difficult of late and I recognise the vibe.

When life is full of duty and responsibility we forget that we have a choice to completely redefine and expand our concept of who we are. I don't feel like you though I've had a great life. I do feel new challenges on the horizon and I'm so glad I moved from the stuck place to where I am now. I hope you move on from where you are and conquer your fear of ageing, which is what I'm hearing.

You say you've done everything but how can that be true? You've done the expected things. As I said earlier, beyond doing the unexpected, there is the pleasant the meaningful or in my case the artistic, these still hold myriad things to do, enjoy and be satisfied by. A life defined by expected trajectories may be all done but now there's the life defined by interest, passion and joy In cultural contributions involving wisdom and idea. I have some hard challenges coming but I'll get there. In many ways it's an un known, you'll be fearful some days but moreover you'll open the door to all that life can be and the despondency will fade. I'm same as you except I have eight grand children who provide wonder each day even though I don't see them massively often. On a daily basis I'm preparing to move, decluttering (though i hate that word- every thing has a purpose if we are re-using recycling and up cycling) i just started a little business with upcycling- one persons clutter is another persons resource. Certainly i dont have any clutter, all saved things are my resources for my future business; currently packing, caring for my dog, dealing with an illness or two, a disability, loneliness, some days I am low but my out look is different To yours. Due to the degenerative, arthritic pain in my spine my achievements are small. This is very frustrating to someone who likes things done yesterday, but things are coming on. The journey is started and ongoing. I think if you shift your emphasis, assuming you're not joking or just stimulating debate, things will shift for you. I hope they shift for you. Have a great day and wake up to the rest of your life. A bit at a time...

Ive felt like that since 27, but i have children so you cant just leave them after you brought them into the world so on we go

OP do you enjoy your very active social life?

saddest post

Oh I identify with this.

I often feel that I've 'finished.' I've done what I want with life and would could happily drift off tonight, never to wake again.

I think my thoughts are compounded by my angst over the way we are treating our precious earth. Just by my being here and living a first world life - I am contributing to emissions, waste, etc. The world would be a far better place without humans in it, including me.

I feel the same way. I don't want to live as long as I can, just as long as 'I' feel I ought. My doctor is always trying to push pills for this and that but I always refuse, as I don't want to reach 80, which is not far off. I'm healthy, wealthy and have no complaints but I've seen and done enough.

It's the "ticked all the boxes, now what" thing isn't it?
I am considerably younger but I heard of this and keep trying to think what my retire would be like so I don't get this feeling, but frankly, all my plans seem to be up to 70 max and then what. I actually do not like the idea of living until 80+ at all.

Sounds like boredom or having too much.
Would volunteering make you feel better.?
I think the caring for elderly parents can be a huge drain and I limit what I do to for her á I have lots of siblings.
I'm 58 and have had down spells as I don't drive now have zero friends no grand DC and my DC are busy with their lives.
However I have lots I want to do.
Travel as I've never been abroad,lots of places I want to see.
I'm a very energetic person so I walk miles and I think this helps.
I hope you find something that makes you leap out of bed.

Does this feel like a natural completion op? Like you have achieved everything you needed to. Or do you feel burnt out? Exhausted? Deeply tired? One will feel a sense of calmness I imagine. One will be of utter exhaustion.