To not rock the incorrect maths of new friends regarding the bill Spilt?

Not your AIBU but your expectations of reception and school gate friendships are really high. It all sounds really intense and not healthy. I hope you’re not projecting your attitude of “if you don’t make friends this term you’ll NEVER have friends” to your daughter.

I can see both sides. It does seem a bit cheap if you were only paying ten pounds, but I also can see you wanted to use that in lieu of cash.

Regardless of the payment situation, did you have a good evening, and I hope the token situation didn’t spoil this.

It’s not odd. It’s worth OP missing out once to find out what’s really going on, and l’d bet the farm she wouldn’t get away with it. Someone would pipe up and ask - that or she wouldn’t be asked again once they realised the freebies had stopped. Either way she would know their true motive.

I would have either stuck the voucher in the pot and reduced everything a bit more or not used it.

See it as an investment in a potential friendship.

What ?? After her staff discount had already knocked £170 off the bill ? The voucher was personal use and cash equivalent, so it made no difference to the others, who leapt on it and got themselves another discount at OP’s expense. That’s just greedy and would add to the feeling of being used.

I don’t see the voucher as particularly a big deal either way, but I agree with pps that you’re coming across as over-keen on making friends for life— these things take time. You having missed the start of the year may not have made the slightest difference. I was there from the first day of Reception at DS’s first school and never made a single friend, despite being a socially confident person who’d never struggled to make friends in other settings. DS joined his second school in January, having moved internationally, in Year 3, just brfore Covid, but I made friends completely unproblematically there.

Just calm down a bit about it all. You don’t need to think it’s this group or no one, and you shouldn’t rush into things. The dashing off to call your mother and buy a new outfit so as ‘not to let the side down’ would make me slightly concerned for you. If you’re this eager to make friends, I think you risk turning into the group lackey. Just take your time. Think about whether you even like this group. Think ‘Is this working for me?’ You haven’t actually said whether you like them anywhere!

They were out of order, that should have been kept for yourself to pay, they’d already had a big discount already.

Why? It was her work bonus. A gift.

what’s the line? You get a voucher for a hairdresser and share it?

Yep, this. OP I think you should stop being so free with the discounts - you’re looking for real friends not freeloaders who will use you whenever it’s convenient. If you’re invited again and it turns out to be somewhere you get a discount, wait until the bill arrives and don’t offer it. See what the reaction is - it will tell you all you need to know.

Well using a voucher which knocks something off the total bill is a good first time gesture but avoid vouchers in future with that particular crowd!

Agreed. OP in the future it is quite rude to pull out an extra discount voucher just to use for yourself when out with friends.

However in this case as they’d used you anyway for the general discount they’d been the rude ones first!

You wanted to use the voucher for yourself and only pay £10 cash? I find that a bit off and makes you look cheap.

I would have kept the voucher back for me and DH. Just used staff discount

No it’s not. Typo in OP’s opening line. I moved to a new area in September and my little DD started reception the first week of octopus thus missing out on all the on-boarding.

OP says she’s moved to a new area so presumably it’s local friends she’s after. Quite understandably.

It’s really suspicious that straight after finding out you get good discounts at a restaurant suddenly they have booked a table and invited you along! The timing is really off and
I’m sorry but I think they’ve really used you! But I guess time will tell if they then invite you to other things that aren’t to do with a restaurant discount…
It’s very hard to integrate yourself suddenly into a well established group. I often find it works better if you make friends with one person and get to know them well and then they often integrate you into their friendship group gradually.

I wouldn’t mention it but I read your post and thought they invited you for the discount. The playground can be hard work. Organise 1-1 play dates for your dd or after school soft play/park and see if a few parents want to come along. Speak to your dd and see who she is friendly with. Also work on having your own interests/hobbies you can meet people that way or through work is that an option.

Why though? It’s cash equivalent.

if you were clothes shopping and your friend had a voucher / gift card you’d expect to share it?

Wow, so they happily use your discount, but then they steal your voucher? What a cheek. They should have been grateful for the discount and happily let you use your own voucher. I didn't vote because I think something should have been said, but I personally would have kept my mouth shut and just paid like you did even though I think they were wrong.

If you mean the one about the cinema tickets, that was a completely different scenario.

OP, these women were cheeky to assume they could use your voucher, they had already benefited massively from your staff discount. But it might have been a simple miscommunication. With hindsight, it would probably have been better not to use your voucher and saved it for another night if you didn’t want to share it.

You were definitely right not to say anything though. You’ve got 7+ years of these mums to go it’s not worth making problems at this stage.

Another one sounding a note of caution and saying if you want mum friends you’ll be better sticking with those in your child’s class.
Hopefully there will be plenty of whole class birthday parties that you can meet people.

I was lucky enough to make really good friends at toddler groups 16 years ago and so already had an established group by the time the kids started school but also have good friends through sports clubs (my own and my children’s) and work so don’t panic if you don’t find what you’re looking for at school.

This all sounds a bit Morherland. Don’t care so much or you will get hurt. These people are not your friends and when you find out, don’t let it be too high stakes to you