To not rock the incorrect maths of new friends regarding the bill Spilt?

I would always use a voucher to reduce the bill for everyone - anything else seems tight

What part of "her's" don't you understand?

It was something she earnt. It's not a perk, she earnt it just like she earns her wages. If OP didn't turn up and do her job, she wouldn't have had it. Therefore, it's earnt.

If she wanted to share it, then that should have been up to her, not up to a bunch of people she barely knows. That's not being tight, that's just not rolling over to a bunch of cheeky arseholes taking advantage.

Aren’t you just all about money: ‘bonus’, ‘earnt’ ‘amount’, ‘money’, ‘cash’.

It was a perk. People of a more generous nature would actively have enjoyed sharing it with their new friends.

The combo of tight and gauche is not uncommon on MN.

They were being extremely cheeky......they'd already benefitted from a large discount thanks to you.

Lesson learned tho, at least you'll know to keep your vouchers to yourself in future.

OP these are not friends, they have clearly used you twice now just for your discount. Please DO NOT go to this restaurant with them again. I wonder if they’ll actually invite you somewhere else without a hefty discount 🥴

It was a bonus from her work. She earnt it, and it was worth a specific amount of money. In this instance it absolutely is the equivalent of cash.

If it was a 10% voucher she had cut out of a leaflet then that's a different matter, but that voucher was for her, and the CFs had no right to insist she share it.

I would have used the voucher to reduce the total cost. If you didn't want to do that then I think you should have kept it for another event.

You sound so desperate to make school mum friends. You cant automatically be friends with people just because your kids are in the same class.
I was never on more than nodding terms with anyone.
I had a really good friend from my child's nursery , but my other friends were from elsewhere.

They were cheeky to ask and expect you to use your voucher for them.

I would have saved the voucher for another occasion to prevent awkwardness because I do feel there could have been a slightly unreasonable expectation to share. It was rude of them to voice that though, and I'd have to be very desperate for friends to go out with these ladies again as this would have left a bad taste.

But as the pp said, the voucher was basically cash.

Ooh. Interesting way of looking at it!!

No I would not.

No-one has said she wasn’t entitled to use her voucher - she could have used it on her family on another occasion. A voucher is not cash.

You'd be wrong to think that. The voucher is the equivalent of cash, and the OP is perfectly entitled to use that to cover her share and not split it.

If everyone else was using cards to pay and OP just had a bundle of tenners, would you expect her to share that out too?

After getting them a 33% discount they basically also took something that had been given to her as a personal gift. I'm sure in my friendship group someone would have said something like 'Don't be daft, that's your voucher, you earned it, you use it for yourself'.

This!!

Even if they’d got you a fat discount after you’d spent the evening knocking back cocktails and now you had to pay 50 something rather than 80 something on your bill? You’d still think they were tight?

I’d think someone was tight if they got out a voucher and used it only on themselves. It wouldn’t occur to me to get one out in that setting and not offer it for general use.

Are you sure they didn’t misunderstand and thought you were offering?

They are CF's.
Just be aware of it.
That was really rude after they got the 33% reduction.
Be wary.

I didn't understand when reading your post that the voucher was a reward from your work, I thought you meant it was a freebie from work - so maybe that's what they thought too?

I had to look it up online as I didn't understand why everyone was saying they were CFs 😆

I have a horrible feeling, OP, that if you had mentioned that you worked at Harrods/insert name of desirable place to shop (I'm clueless!)and what a generous staff discount you get, you would have found them suggesting you all meet there for coffee, then suggesting a wander round the store to do some Christmas shopping and "Oh, how much discount did you say you get.....?". Please be circumspect about this. And take your time. Friends will come at some point and they'll be people who are interested in you and not in your usefulness to them.

Just take it slowly OP as you don’t know if they’re genuinely a nice group of mums or only want you for your very generous food & beverage discounts. The fact they grabbed your £50 voucher after already receiving a massive discount suggests they’re not actually very nice at all!

See if they happily include you in other activities and get togethers that don’t involve meals out. Don’t offer any discounts for at least the next 3 drinks occasions and see if anyone comments.

Do you invite the friends of your DC to play dates at yours? This is often a good way to get to know other mums. I’m friendly with a couple of mums from DC’s primary school but mostly regarding texting about school matters. We don’t meet up socially.

My proper friends are mostly nothing to do with school matters but related to hobbies and interests I’m involved with.

I think the discount should have been shared. Definitely choose a different chain next time so they can't use you for a discount.

Cheeky as all hell for them to insist you shared your voucher. It's basically the equivalent of you using cash to pay for your share. It was something you earnt, they had no right to benefit from it, and they had already benefited from you having a decent discount in any case. What I wonder is whether you had told them about this discount ahead of time, and they were (unfortunately) using you for that, rather than it being a genuine invite.

But... that aside you do also come across as bit overinvested in this whole thing re: making friends etc. When you find your group it should just feel natural and comfortable, and it's best not to overthink it. Just see how the relationships develop, without this slightly intense approach to it all.

If I had a voucher and was with close friends I'd automatically share; but in this case they were cheeky especially after you got the discount, however I'd have done the same as you did.

But lesson learned to not use a voucher if you go out with them again!

Oh it’s so awks! I would never do what they did - the voucher was obviously your money and it should have been up to you to decide if you share.
in your circumstance I wouldn’t raise it- but I wouldn’t be relying on these women to become my friends either. Perhaps cast your net beyond the school gates for friends - society has changed a lot since your mum made her friends at the school gates - just because you’re all mums doesn’t mean you share the same values and have the same interests beyond being mums.

I’d recommend you watch Motherland. It’s available on Netflix. Any parent who has primary school children will know why I’ve mentioned it!😆

This. It was a cash equivalent, not a discount and it was personal to OP, so as well as providing the 33% discount, which has no financial impact on OP, she has effectively subsidised them an extra £10 each out of her own pocket and paid for her own meal on top of that.