To not rock the incorrect maths of new friends regarding the bill Spilt?

The issue is that you gave the voucher to them for them to use without you, then they invited you along. So technically the voucher no longer belonged to you.

You did a lovely thing and really got the bill knocked down but did you tell them about this beforehand and it lead to you all agreeing to order more cocktails or was it a nice surprise at the end?

You sound like a lovely person, and I probably would have pointed out that you should pay less because you had saved the group money. But technically the voucher was no longer yours and if you announced your discount at the beginning it potentially encouraged the bill to be much higher in the first place than it would have been otherwise (probably equaling out with the discount leading to them paying roughly the same as they originally had budgeted for).

This gets weirder and weirder. Feel free to check my back posts.

Poster only missed your very obvious lie, so no great shakes really.

I think it was pretty cheeky for someone to say how you should use your voucher. But to be honest as you had donated a voucher for the raffle, got a massive discount from the bill it may have just been assumed that you got these vouchers pretty easily and had a drawer of them at home.

Yeah I’m thinking did they see it as a coupon or another perk from work?

Also Op, sure there's plenty of time for me asking friends too. It's only December and you'll find you really get to know parents through all the class parties....you'll find there are loads in the spring. That's how I made friends with my daughter's class parents. After 3 or 4 parties you'll find your people!

I wonder if the issue is calling it a voucher rather than gift or bonus

I still think it’s cheeky. It was her bonus to do with as she saw fit.

I'd give benefit of the doubt as they may have thought it was another staff benefit that you had and was no skin off your nose etc. and didn't realise it was your performance reward that you'd earned. Easy to misunderstand and if alcohol involved etc.

It would have been wiser to finish the thread before commenting.

Oh dear @Mirabai. You were wrong. Just admit it. Every time you keep digging it just makes you look worse.

The thing that gets me is it wasn’t a random money off coupon that anyone can get, it was a’reward’ for hard work! So I think they were CF to take advantage of your voucher! Be careful they’re not just using you!

I agree but perhaps the parents whose actions are being called into question might be too easily be able to join the dots. Just wanted to alert the poster in case it was a concern for them.

Tbh I'd have used the discount and kept quiet about the voucher and used it on another occasion.

I do think it was cheeky but £100 worth of food and cocktails in, at half price already I can see how they thought you were helping the group have a cheap night

The voucher is OPs personal voucher and she shouldn’t have needed to share but it’s understandable why she did in this case. It was probably better to use the voucher on another occasion as people have very different views on these type of things (as evidenced by this thread!) The fact that OP provided a voucher from her employer to the PTA for fundraising also muddied the waters somewhat as in the other mums heads it was “free” for OP to do that (which it was as employer paid) so her own personal £50 voucher was also free to be shared (when really it was for OPs own use as her work bonus).

OP I’d urge a bit of caution here. I’m not sure why you made a beeline for the established biggest PTA contributor mums with older DC in first place? They aren’t really going to be the most likely source of new friendships as established group (potentially clique in my experience even!) whose DC aren’t even in your DC year at school. I think it’s no coincidence that they invited you after one PTA meeting to their annual meal out - perhaps if a very very large group of parents this could be more likely but 5 of them suddenly deciding you were to join them after one single meeting seems … odd. Maybe a coffee or drink every but their annual big meal out? I have a suspicion it had a little to do with your big discount as upsetting as that might be. Cool it with this group and see if you are included again. In mean time try to make some more organic natural friendships by being friendly at school gates, play dates for your DC and people at hobbies etc. don’t put so much pressure on yourself to make lifelong friends at the school gates either. Things have changed a fair bit since your mums school gate days also. It’s less likely you’ll fiend friendships beyond polite chitchat about school and kids and maybe the odd play date together. Look elsewhere (hobbies both your own and DCs, etc).

What’s so amusing is that my business is a service industry, regularly reviewed, in which I get personal mentions - so I know exactly what’s involved.

But hey feel free to keep digging.

Don't forget £50 as a 'very modest reward'. That's more than four hours' work on NMW.

You're the one dismissing her reviews as her "just being nice".

Keep digging though due to not being able to admit to being completely and utterly wrong.

Probably yes, given your clear disdain for people in service jobs.

More fan fiction, excellent. Soon we will have 50 Shades of twaddle.

In terms of it being worth £50 in the restaurant it's valid in, yes it is exactly the same as cash.

She has a bit of paper saying it's worth £50 that she can exchange for items costing that much in the place they are buying food.

Almost like, oh, I dunno, a £50 bank note. If she had got cash rather than a voucher as a bonus and told you it was a bonus, do you think you are still entitled to half of it?

Probably yes, given your clear disdain for people in service jobs.

Yes that’s correct - you’d have to offer your water, tissues, lipgloss, sanitary pads, a pound of flesh - because it’s not at all context specific.

what kind of bizarre logic is this?

" if she doesn’t want to spend it on friends then don’t get it out in company."

If I get out my water bottle while on a walk does that mean everyone gets a swig? How about my lipgloss, does everyone get to try it because I had the temerity to use it in public? Presumably the rest of the group all got their cards/cash out "In company" to pay for the meal so why didn't they have to share that?

"Getting something out in public" doesn't equal "enforced sharing"

and no need for the pass agg HTH. You seem to think you've helpfully clarified a fact, whereas you've actually just shared your opinion, which is no more valid than anyone else's with a different POV.

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat Is this some kind of fan fiction? It bears no relation to reality.

It will probably take you far fewer words to acknowledge that you simply don’t have any respect for people who work in service industries, or for the bonuses which happen to be associated with the KPIs identified in that sector, ‘very modest’ though they may be.

They shouldn't have assumed but after a few strong cocktails they may have just been a bit unaware. I would watch out for them using you for your discount in future as well.

It was hers to send as she chooses so if she doesn’t want to spend it on friends then don’t get it out in company. A voucher is not the same as cash as everyone knows. It can only be spent in specific locations and generally if you don’t spend all a voucher you don’t get cash back you just get a lower value voucher. HTH.