To get resentful at Christmas- how much do other husbands do?

So far DH has written most cards, as he sends most. He's decorated the living room and put lights upon the hall and dining room.

My DS erected the Christmas tree and DH put the lights on the tree too. So far I've thrown some tinsel on the tree.

This year I've ordered most of the presents because I have amazon prime.

I'll do most of baking. DH will probably cook Christmas dinner (paella) and I'll suggest we each make a tapas plate for starters.

My husband also can't be arsed with it, so we aren't doing it.

My husband does virtually nothing and has for the 40 odd years we have been married. He will do things if I ask him to, like put up outside lights, write cards and wrap presents but I have to give him instructions which defeats the object. The only thing he does off his own back is buy my presents and his mums when she was alive.

Over the years I have pretty much got Christmas down to minimal effort and he does other stuff so I don't really mind.

I haven't read any of your thread, only the OP.
But, I'm getting Christmas out the way, then I'm leaving him.
I'm sick of it.
I could add detail, but I can't be arsed.
I've been with him for 22 years, and I've done absolutely everything.

Honestly, I'm spent.

Very little but honestly I don't mind as he still does his fair share around the house for the rest of the time.

Mine is very similar - save the dog, which would be a surprise... As we have no dog!

But he now realises it's better for everyone if he does his fare share and much more fun /pleasant... Rather Christmas arrive in a complete frazzled mess!

It’s always been a bit of an unequal load here. He generally sorts cards and presents for his side of the family. I’ve usually always done our DC although he did enjoy shopping for them when they were younger. We save towards Christmas equally so it’s financially a joint effort. I generally do all the wrapping and when DC were younger I sorted the advent calendar and any events.
he will come and do the Christmas food shop with me (and no doubt sling loads of stuff in the trolley that I wouldn’t have!)
we are hosting my parents for Christmas dinner this year so most of it will be done by me but I will get him to help with prep. Tree decorating etc usually done by myself and our teens.
He does however buy me lovely gifts which are always well thought out and wrapped - takes him ages to do the wrapping and he hates doing it!!

Very very little. But he works a LOT and I have more time so it's ok.. He helps with some cleaning in the run up, when I undoubtedly run out of time, puts up the outdoor lights, helps get and put up the real tree, I decorate it. Oh he also helps with some high up decorations we put up. Buys me a gift. I do everything else and have to plan and "manage" it. He wouldn't do anything if I didn't ask him to.

Mine would do FA if I let him but will "help" with small things when I've done all the thinking. Both work full time though I have more flexibility (self employed) but zero paid leave. Kids are 20 and 16 and not with us for Christmas Day this year. He is also working (NHS, very lowly paid role) Christmas Day so I'll be cooking and hosting his parents on my own and expecting him to take over when he does come home!

He generally does:
Writes cards for his family and the approx 3 friends he wants to send them to.

Sorts presents (invariably unimaginative and from Amazon) for his family.

Helps with Xmas dinner/prep as a rule, though is working this year.

Buys me a couple of presents, nothing big or expensive and if it's actually something I want, will have been informed of its exact nature and location.

He won't book or instigate anything Christmassy but will either come along (without being a Grinch about it) if it matters to me or the kids.

Could be worse. Could be a lot better but as he's generally a sweetheart, very laid back and not at all grumpy/arsey about stuff, I can live with it. Probably 25 years of exh doing absolutely FA (and zero presents in general) - AND being a miserable twat about everything AND being critical as fuck about everything - has lowered my expectations. Sad.

I’m the one who does nothing in our house as I don’t care for Christmas so I don’t do it. My partner isn’t that bothered by it either but if we decide to have a Christmassy dinner he gets food in and cooks it. He buys his family gifts, it wouldn’t ever occur to me to do that. We don’t do cards or decorations or host anyone. When I was single I didn’t acknowledge Christmas in any way so that hasn’t changed. I don’t think I could be in a relationship with a Christmas lover who expected me to do stuff I didn’t care about tbh, I’d probably have to fuck off travelling and leave them to it (like I have this year!)

My first husband - Christmas Day with two small children, having done absolutely everything, I got up to do the washing up. He said 'Oh don't do that now! You can do it later'. For a nano second I thought that he was going to say that he'd do it, fool that I was.

My ex does nothing except make a couple of ludicrously overpriced and inappropriate suggestions about what to give the kids.

I’ve always loved Christmas and make a big effort (decorations, lights, tree, homemade advent, activities, traditions, the whole nine yards) but he could never be bothered to help out, because he’s from the school of “I don’t care about it so why should I contribute just for your and the kids’ sake” and that did rankle.

Now I do just as much as I ever did but I don’t have a freeloader along for the ride. My kids absolutely adore the Christmas season and say so all month long, while also rolling their eyes about the completely obvious fact that Daddy is a fun-sponge who can’t be bothered with anything.

My husband does about half or a bit more because he stresses I'd say. We decorate inside the house as a family. He does all the outside decorating. He buys for his family, I buy for mine. We both buy for the kids. He plans an Xmas day out and so do I. We do the cooking together. He does all the putting away of decorations afterwards. He stresses out about it more than me. I don't know why.

You win.

DH is attending DS1’s Class Christmas Party and we will attend DS2’s Christmas Festival. He is doing the driving when we go see his family after Christmas (we wouldn’t have gone if I hadn’t said anything), but that is about it.

He is meant to do Christmas Cards for his family which I ordered last month and told him to send them a few weeks ago but they’re still sitting on the table and I am not reminding him again to do them. They are a feet away from where he is watching sports but he has not done them yet so not my problem. He’s lucky I bought gifts beforehand for his side otherwise no one would be getting anything likely until he decided to do it the week of Christmas. I did it this year to keep cost down but this is the last year and I will be leaving it to him to do his parents and siblings and just do the nieces and nephews.

Foodwise, ordering a curry. I am not big on roast, never have been. DH loves a roast and will be making one himself if he wants it, hasn’t said anything about it so guess he is having curry too. The Christmas break is the hardest part of the year for me and I’m just trying to get through it.

I do 80% of it all (planning, execution, gifts, etc) even though I’m not a fan of Christmas. I just leave it for DS2 to decide what he likes/wants within reason and go
from there.

My partner and I do our own shopping and wrapping for presents for each other and our own family/friends. We decorate the tree together, and do the food shopping and cooking together. All very easy and relaxed.

OP you should do all the Christmas stuff you want but with your kids. I wouldn’t bother getting your partner any gifts from you or the kids (after all, he doesn’t care) and do your own thing. If he feels excluded, then he can make an effort to contribute.

It doesn’t really matter what other people do because there are plenty of useless men out there. You need to ask yourself if he’s bringing anything good to your relationship and family, then go from there. I’d book lunch or go out with dc and leave him to it this Christmas, ideally go to a hotel or stay with family. I wouldn’t be buying him presents or food either. He’s said he doesn’t like it so it shouldn’t matter to him.

My husband does nothing but I don’t work and he does at least half of the household tasks/life admin and kids stuff outside of his working hours so I let him off his lack of seasonal support

Mine buys presents for his side of the family, me, and some of the kids ones. He buys most of the food. I do the mental load, plan the food, do the budget,.decorations, most of the gift choosing and buying. I do more of the housework. He cooks the dinner. I organise any trips. We share wrapping duties. Both work full-time. I still end up more stressed than him but it's pretty evenly balanced in terms of load.

My DH tidies the house, gets the decorations from the loft, puts up the lights and puts the tree in the stand. He buys the food and booze, sorts his parent’s presents out, cards for his side. He’ll help with food prep and always washes up. He’ll cheerfully attend anything I’ve organised.

I buy the kids presents, do the baking and most of the cooking, take the DC out to choose a tree and I decorate with their help, organise outings and family and friends socials.

I do more than him but not by much. Christmas is ad difficult or as easy as you want it to be. I do what I do because I enjoy it. If I didn’t I wouldn’t bother (aoarg from presents for the DC which are the only essential).

Dh buys presents for his side of the family and does virtually all of the cooking on years when we host. He loves cooking and is an excellent, tidy and totally unflappable cook. Last year he did a 10 course tasting menu for 10 people on Christmas Eve and then turkey and all the trimmings on Christmas Day. I'm 53 and have never cooked Christmas dinner! I'm in charge of buying and decorating the tree. Neither of us really sends Christmas cards any more, except to a couple of older generation family members.

Dh does quite a lot to be fair.
Not much in the way of Christmas shopping but will choose mine and his mum’s and offer suggestions for others. He will also pick things for the dcs stockings. I do all the wrapping.
He does the exterior lights and deals with the tree stuff, (kids decorate but we all go to choose it, he chops it down and puts it in the stand).
He does all the food shopping, prep and cooking for Christmas dinner for 20ish people without a single complaint. And does a heck of a lot of cleaning up!

He does his family cards and presents, chooses some of our children’s gifts and takes them to buy me something, does most of the outdoor lighting and some years he does the tree. I don’t work as a SAHM so he also pays for everything!

I do the cleaning, the menu planning (with his input), most of the food shopping, most of the cooking, all the gift wrapping and I buy and send the cards and gifts for my side of the family. I do lots of our kid’s gifts and almost the smaller ones like stocking fillers. Some years I do the tree. If we’re hosting I do the extra cleaning and guest room prep and laundry. I do the vast majority of kids carol concerts, Christmas parties, sorting Christmas jumpers for school, buying advent calendars, donations to the Christmas fete, arranging family visits, thinking of trips like light trails and all that kind of stuff, but that goes with the SAHM territory.

On the day he plays with the kids and sorts out technology issues like new consoles. And he does the “normal” meals like sorting kids breakfasts. I do the Christmas dinner and play with the kids. We both deal with the dishes and clearing up.

He’d do more if I asked him to, but we’re pretty happy with the split. We both make sure to notice, appreciate and thank each other for our respective contributions which helps.

I do the decorations, buying gifts ( including for ‘his’ side), the wrapping. When dc’s were young I also organised the days out/ activities. We both do the food shop, dp does all the cooking. I’m happy with our set up.

I do most of it because he runs his own business and tends to be doing work on that in the evenings whereas I’m a TA so can leave my work at work.

But the moment I’m stressed, or ask him to take on anything, he’s all hands on deck. This evening I had a huge moan (work has been exhausting, festive stuff has been exhausting, and I was a really crap Mum tonight and feeling awful about it) while he just quietly cleaned the kitchen, sorted laundry and asked what he could take off my list. Then he brought me my cat to cuddle 😂