AIBU to still be annoyed about my oxbridge rejection years later?

Me too, come to think of it! 😀

You've made a million at 25? I'm also intelligent yet haven't got anywhere in life and am a single mum on the breadline. I'm not sure what exactly you're angry at - there are other universities just as respected these days. You're doing pretty well to be worrying about the name of university you went to

With respect OP, but it sounds like you've done ok for yourself but are desperate to prove your worth. Going to Oxford wouldn't have proved to yourself that you are worthy and that you are smart. That sort of self acceptance has to come from within. Just as likely that had you gone, you'd now be bemoaning the fact that you never felt that you had the confidence to join this or that society, or this or that study group, or that because of your background you lacked the connection that the others had, or that you had to work over the summer while everyone else did free internships.

I understand, by the way. I wasn't abused but I went to a bad university, got bored and dropped out. Later on went back and eventually did a PhD. Or course I regret the years that I wasted fucking around in shitty jobs rather than at a good university. But it's done, and it wasn't anyone else's fault.

It sounds like you had a terrible start to life, and you then made something of yourself without anyone "spotting" your potential and helping you out. It sounds like you had it really, really hard, I'm sorry.

I think you're rightfully angry. I think some of your anger about the Oxbridge thing might be misplaced, but don't we all get angry about things that may actually only be a side issue? Totally understandable.

Congratulations on your success.

I can see where you’re coming from to an extent, but your path could have been completely different had you gone. You may not have found the success that you have now, and while you could call yourself Oxbridge alumni, you very well may not be able to call yourself a millionaire in your 20s!

Just a different perspective to think about.

As a side note, really keen to know what you do for a living!

I think you're amazing OP! Incredible achievements that you should be so proud of 👏 Your hard work paid off and that is the main thing imo.
I don't understand what you mean by 'being brought up later in life'. I don't think it will be surely, bar a passing 'Where did you go?' This was the path for you, you carved it out yourself and you have succeeded.

Gutted that Aidan Turner didn’t accept my marriage proposal 😜

Why don't you apply there to complete your PhD? You are still very young.

I regretted my poor performance at interview for Cambridge when I was young. Years later I took a job working there. In all honesty I was a bit disappointed with the university! and with hindsight I'm very glad I didn't do my undergrad degree there! I loved my undergrad degree at a middle of the road uni!

Cambridge was not full of unusually clever and gifted people as I'd assumed - though of course there are some! (but really not many!) The majority were simply normal people from privilege whose grades represented a lot of hard work (rather than natural intelligence), sometimes tutors, and often family support and expectation.

The teaching at Cambridge wasn't much better (in fact I'd say in some cases worse) than my middle of the road undergrad university.

It's a beautiful place, lovely buildings, incredible library, a lot of history (and I'm sure Oxford is the same) that is very inspiring as you walk around. But I don't think I'd have enjoyed studying an undergrad there. Lots of pressure, no time (and not allowed by the uni) for part time work (I worked full time throughout my full time undergrad degree!) and the people (while some were fantastic) were quite different from me, different backgrounds and some quite stuffy.

Don't regret your life choice. You made the choices you made due to who you were and the experiences you had at that time. Who knows, if you went to Oxford you might not have made your million!

Oxbridge is ok, but not everything! and not right for everyone either!

OP respectfully are you sure it’s the not applying for Oxbridge that bothers you? It sounds like you had an utterly crap time of it and really needed some one in your corner to push you, believe in you and shoot high (or in this case aim for Oxbridge)

You shouldn’t have had to go through all you did and I am sorry you did. It sounds like you have done incredibly well now.

Do a masters.

Being bitter won't help you it just eats you up eventually. I'm incredibly impressed by you.

Hi OP
I just wanted to say, sorry you had such a rough start, and well done for recovering and for your success.

Sometimes we miss an opportunity because of the things we were dealing with at the time, but please don't regret how things have panned out. Sounds like you have a very bright future ahead of you.

I was in the same situation - but I did actually apply and didn't get offered a place - but it didn't bother me as much as you seem to be bothered by it.

However, there's an easy way around it which is to just sign up for one of their short courses. There are plenty on business and business-related things. The only barrier is money. You can stick it on LinkedIn as uni of Cambridge/Oxford.

Oxbridge isn't widely regarded as it once was, there was even an official committee inquiry about it because politicians are worried. Most people are choosing to go to Harvard etc instead.

You'll never be happy if you aren't content with what you have.

You weren't rejected - you didn't apply.

It sounds like you've done well academically and professionally, so why waste precious time and energy ruminating on something from the past that didn't happen? Channel your inner Elsa about this one.

Same. It’s worse for me, I was also technically rejected from all the Ivy League ones.

You weren't rejected - you didn't apply!

Do you feel pissed off every Saturday morning when you haven't won the Euromillions despite not having bought a ticket?!

Joking aside, you need to be pragmatic about this. You didn't apply to Oxbridge so you weren't rejected. But you have a degree so well done because there are lots of people who don't (me included!). Focus on what you have achieved rather than what you have not.

Nobody brings up uni when you’re 50. And they certainly don’t bring up the uni that you didn’t go to (because you didn’t even apply). That would be an odd conversation.

If you don’t want to do anything about it, then that’s on you. It’s not ‘your fault’ because there’s nothing to be anyone’s fault. Nothing actually happened.

You didn’t apply but I get you - you’re angry that nobody spotted your potential. Your failed GCSEs and poor predicted grades would have meant no school would have encouraged you to apply though and you would not have got an interview. You could have taken a year out after A levels and applied when you might have been successful.
But you did go to university (not sure where) so you obviously did apply somewhere. And now you’re a millionaire at 25 so life must be pretty sweet. How have you made a million by the way?

It’s not the fault of Oxford, Cambridge, LSE etc as you didn’t apply so in no sense did any of them reject you. Def let go of that feeling.
But it isn’t wholly on you either. You had a really crappy time as child and the accumulation of this and coming late to academic success, along with believing the unfair word-on-the-street that “oxbridge isn’t for the likes of me” combined to put you off applying. Blame your preconceptions, which are to some extent the fault of culture and probably people around you not being as supportive as they should have been and encouraging you.

But the great news is that you have done fantastically. Likely you’d have done so wherever you went, as you must have had a real inner motivation and inherent skill. You don’t need any chips on your shoulder or worries that you’ll be thought of as less than. Nobody cares, it’s all about looking forward. FWIW I did go to Cambridge, don’t earn like you are doing, and tbh try to conceal it because I don’t want people to think I’m up myself. You are doing great - be proud of yourself!

I spent much of my childhood in the care system. When I was with my family, my life was very difficult because of my father's heavy-drinking and violence and my mother's mental illness.
I applied for Oxbridge and got in.
If you have any sadness, perhaps it could be that you didn't come across the right teacher at the right time or some other encouragement to apply. If it wasn't for a sixth-form teacher who told me to apply, I might not have considered it.
You've been successful and other posters are correct that an Oxbridge degree doesn't guarantee the same advantages it once did. But, there is something remarkable about Oxbridge - from the tutorial system which meant that I spent each week discussing my work, one-on-one, with the absolute experts in the field, to the incredible beauty and history of the buildings - that is different from other university experiences. It is sad that you didn't experience that, if it was something you wanted.

You could do a masters, which is much shorter.

If the regret is going to sit with you for a long time, this could help bring lifelong satisfaction. You'll never have to feel bad again about not having applied. You'll be an Oxbridge grad.

Well you weren't rejected if you didn't apply, you made that decision yourself.

I had several school friends who were predicted to get, and did get all As and 2 x S1s at A level (before A* was a grade), who didn't get offers or in some cases, even an interview. I got an offer and went. I wasn't cleverer than the others, probably less so.

It was hard. 3 x 8 week terms leaves very little time for anything other than study. Everyone else is cleverer than you (or that's what it feels like). On the plus side it looked good on my CV and no doubt helped me get jobs. On the downside I had no time to "network" with my peers, who included the likes of Demis Hassabis.

Friends who went to Exeter/Bristol/Durham or similar had a more fun uni experience and also got good jobs and have good careers.

Sorry but I don’t believe that if you made a million by 25 and are highly successful that your feelings of inadequacy are related to some random elite unis. More likely it’s related to your difficult upbringing and very complex trauma around that and you should seek therapy to fulfil your happiness potential. Nobody gives a damn about some Oxbridge accolades. In fact, anyone caught up on that years later has clearly not achieved more later on.

I stayed on to do a postgraduate degree and there were a few fellow-postgrads living out their belated Brideshead fantasies like mad.