AIBU to still be annoyed about my oxbridge rejection years later?

I don't really understand why you are stuck with feelings of regret. Your life has moved on and you didn't need an Oxbridge degree to succeed. Are you regretting not having a go? Thousands of students have the grades to go, but only a small percentage make it. Their system of teaching doesn't suit everyone.

Personally I think it's a poison chalice and the workload is anxiety inducing. But my son is having a go and has passed the entrance exam and had an interview. When I asked "why?" he said he wanted to know if he could compete with the best. No regrets even if rejected. We are state school, not grammar. School in bottom 40%.

I can understand you feeling bitter about your circumstances growing up and that it was a constant battle, and that you only found your academic calling at A Level. Life is unfair and we are dealt a hand at birth. What you were dealt with was tough and it’s a shame nobody spotted your potential sooner and guided you in the direction of an Oxbridge application.

But, you weren’t rejected so you need to reframe that in your head. I had the grades to go to Oxford and didn’t apply. It has never occurred to me to blame Oxbridge for this though.

I definitely don't think it's the fault of the universities or even my school since they encouraged me to apply and brought it up with me

So it's not even the fault of your school or due to lack of knowledge about the opportuity. They actually encouraged you to apply but you didn't because you had poor mental health.

This thread makes no sense.

How is your first million relevant ? Anyway, now that you mentioned it, you might as well mention how you made it ?

This.

I actually agree with you. What happens in the years from age 0-18 really really makes a mark on your life forever. I am similar to you OP, except I never made a million. I was the brightest in my year by many miles but home life was a shit show.

However, I try to frame it like this: I was dealt a very difficult hand, but I have handled it with uncommon grace.

As have you.

Hi OP. I work in a specialist field that means I regularly assess applicants for top-tier roles at some of the most competitive companies you can think of. I have interviewed many, many Oxbridge graduates over the years and can tell you for sure that it doesn't matter anything like as much as you seem to think (others have already articulated well the changing shifts in the working world that account for this). What does matter, time and again, is the kind of raw capability and grit that you seem to have. Over time, that will take you far further than any degree from any institution.

You also haven't said anything that suggests you are lamenting missing out for positive reasons (academic challenge, etc.), you seem only concerned by the negative past experiences and other people's possible perceptions. It is within your power to just throw those ideas out and focus on the life you want to lead. I would really encourage you to celebrate what you've achieved and not to let bitterness creep in. You've done brilliantly at only 25; who knows what else you could still do?

A PhD can be used in a business though. My business uses the skills from my doctorate. Do you still feel they might reject you if you applied for a masters or PhD?

@OneTealEagle FWIW, I think what you have achieved is absolutely extraordinary and hugely impressive. I can see why you feel pissed off that some people have had a huge leg up.

Enjoy your success. Feeling bitter, no matter how justified, will only hurt you. Though I guess you could channel it into mentoring young people who were in your situation?

I really, really admire you.

It's all a bit baffling. You never applied to Oxford, have done phenomenally well in whatever business you do and now you don't want to go there anyway because it's not a fit with your interests but you are still stewing over not having applied there. Am I missing something?

This is utterly bizarre reasoning. You didn't apply, and you don't see the difference between that and being rejected?

The way you phrased it was to refer to something that never happened.

Truth matters. You're talking about something that didn't happen.

So apply now. Prob be better with life experience behind you. They aren't going to invite you to apply so you have the power to do it

How did you do A levels if you failed your GCSE’s? Even if you had applied to Oxford there’s no guarantee you would have got a place. All of their applicants are A* students.

Pretty offensive tbh to those of us who did put ourselves through the rigmarole of oxbridge interview and painful rejection for you to be cross about your perception that you were rejected when you didn’t even bother. If you’ve not prepped for the interview, waited for the letter, and read through stinging tears in black and white that you’re not good enough, you’ve not felt it.

that said, I do have some sympathy for you if you feel that the system was stacked against you and that you didn’t have the support to access the interview process etc. as that is a very real thing.

I’ve made my peace some 20+ years later and from time to time get mistaken for an oxbridge grad. Most recently by someone in my wider social circle who was sure I was there 🤣

You’re smart enough to know you can’t be rejected if you didn’t apply. Perhaps what you’re annoyed about is starting life on the back foot and feeling like you were denied opportunities as a result?

Stop that! You’re a fucking MILLIONAIRE at twenty-five! You did that by charting your own path. Focus on what you want to achieve next - because I feel like you could do anything.

Edit to add: public speaking and motivational coaching for young people from similar backgrounds would be an awesome charitable endeavour!

You're not a reject as you never applied.

You don't sound too bright...

You made your first million by 25. You haven't exactly been held back by not going to Oxbridge.

I did go to Oxbridge. I was from a state school background, the kind of school where people were shot in the thigh with dart guns in PE changing rooms, where the GCSE year had one fewer forms, because so many kids had been expelled.

I went to Cambridge. I hated it. I didn't fit in with the posh kids. The undergraduate teaching is actually rubbish. I think you were better off at the university you went to.

You've done well. Bollocks to Oxbridge.

Eh, it's not any form of rejection (technical or otherwise) if you didn't go there because you didn't apply.

You are angry with the wrong people.

Plenty of people, get 3 or 4 A*s and are rejected pre or post interview because there are less places than applicants.

I'd forget it and move on.

I think you've garnered from posts that this is something you need to accept and move on from. Could you reach out to your local high school or college and get involved with being a guest speaker or involved in careers fairs, work experience? That way you could help encourage other kids, some of whom may have had similar experiences to yourself. I had the grades to apply, I had parental support in that mine believed in me, I just didn't have enough faith in myself and didn't apply. I don't regret it as I held a part time job and caring responsibilities for grandparents whilst doing a full time degree from a great uni and actually looking back I don't think it would have been the best fit for me on a social or emotional level.

I’d agree. Oxbridge is not full of fascinating geniuses. It’s full of studious but not otherwise remarkable people, the majority of whom will get a 2.1, and probably would have got a 2.1 at a redbrick.

The towns are very beautiful, although Cambridge is cold and windy. There’s a lot of work. Some inspiring tutors, some very average ones. All in all it’s very much oversold and somewhat underwhelming.

OP - what you have achieved is much more remarkable and interesting - and you may have judged it quite correctly that it wasn’t the right place for you at that time in your life.

If you’re interested in business and you want to lay the ghosts to rest why not apply for an MBA at Oxford Saïd Business School?

So much confusion

You say 'decades later' but you are only 25

You feel hard done by but you've made a million by 25. Had you gone to Oxford you may have taken a different path and not be where you are now

Ha. We clearly view learning in very different ways. Extrinsic vs intrinsic motivation.