AIBU to still be annoyed about my oxbridge rejection years later?

You weren't rejected though?

If you really want to go you could apply now. DH went to a not that great university after not studying for A levels. He applied for a masters at Durham, Cambridge and LSE and was offered a place at all 3.

Hello, I come from a FSM background, single parent, dysfunctional household and nearly was expelled from school (only didn’t because I was on track to get GCSEs). I did do A-levels, didn’t achieve the best but went on to do great stuff at uni!

However, please don’t focus on something that hasn’t happened - you’ve done amazing to achieve your first million by 25! That’s absolutely something that most people don’t achieve in their lifetime, especially if you’ve come from a disadvantaged background like mine. You should be so so proud! The odds are often stacked against us, but with determination, hard work and tenacity, it makes us go far!

Actually that's not quite correct. They do look at gcses buy in the context of where you sat them. You admit you didn't do well and presumably underperformed what you should have achieved at that school so this would have factored in to any decision they made.

Conversely my son had 8 A* and 2 A at gcse and A level but he still scored negatively for his school as it was a selective school where extra curricular clubs for CompSci, some languages and astronomy etc led to some kids having 12 or 13 gcses.

The reality is your A levels do prove your academic worth/success and your success in business is what you will be using for the rest of your life so that's the real win!

I dunno - OP hasn't expressed the desire to delve deeply into a particular degree subject, unless I've missed it somewhere in the thread. She wants to have been (or to go) to Oxbridge because she's intelligent. So, whilst that motivation might be intrinsic, it's also invalid IMO.

You should be celebrating your successes not dwelling on the what ifs. Would a degree from oxbridge have changed where you are now career wise? I doubt it.

I'm sorry you had a shitty childhood. That's got nothing to do with some random universities, regardless of how you built them up in your head at the time you felt able to start fixing your life for youself. I'm sorry nobody else made the effort for you. You've made some money, you can make more, so unless you develop a genuine desire to do in-depth studies on 4th century pilgrimages of Norman converts or something similarly obscure, you won't get anything more from Oxbridge universities than you already got from the other university you already went to.

You're clearly smart, so think it through... How are you going to stop fixating on a blip that doesn't matter - and start blaming those who should have protected you as a child so that you weren't so damaged by the time you reached GCSEs? How will you start to process the harms that were caused when you were so tiny? It's OK to look back and love that little girl, to feel anger that she was harmed, and to see what was good or bad in the behaviour of the adults around you at the time. You already built a highly successful life, well done, the armour can drop enough to start to heal those wounds. Good luck and big hugs, I'm so sorry you were hurt and I wish you all the best for healing.

I sympathise OP.
The rejection letter I got from the University of Reading still annoys me 50 years later. It was also the rudest letter I have ever received!

You could do an MBA at Cambridge or Oxford. You have the money. You have the entrepreneurship and an MBA would make you look very good as a business person.

It sounds as if this is a little bit like the "one that got away". We all have regrets like this because we regret the things we didn't do, not the things we did.

I could have been a contender in many fields. Fortunately I have had a varied and interesting career that has taken me by surprise. I love my life. That's what I'm focusing on.

I think that looking back, with hindsight, and regretting that you didn't realise your full potential when young can be natural.

However, the gradual realisation that you might be great and the drive to reach each step, one at a time, has got you to a pretty good place.

This careful, reflective approach which was cautious with your fragile self esteem is the other side of the coin from where these regrets live - you have clearly learnt from each experience as you went along. I think this has been better for you than overflowing with confidence at your first success, don't sell yourself short.

Had you actually applied and been rejected, it might have set you back. Had you got in and gone and felt like you didn't fit, it might have set you back. Had you gone and ended up immersed in an obscure area of study, you'd be poorer than you are now.

You've made good decisions, that have worked well, don't beat yourself up for a decision at 17.

Hi OP

I went to Oxbridge. I have been disabled all my life and went to a state school that was theoretically low performing. It had a policy of almost never excluding anyone, and regularly took pupils who had been excluded from elsewhere, as well as a large cohort of kids who didn't speak English when they joined. So results were low compared to other schools locally. But they were very supportive of harnessing whatever potential pupils did have, so the low results were higher than they might have been. And occasionally someone went to Oxbridge, and bright kids were encouraged to apply. I did, and got in.

The difference, I guess, is my parents were very supportive and so was my school. My college was pretty supportive when I got there too.

I'm glad I went but it wasn't the easiest life experience.

I am in my 40s now and have a good life: decent job, great friends etc. I am solvent and financially secure - which a lot of lifelong disabled people aren't - and count myself very lucky. Honestly, I wouldn't say my Oxbridge degree has played a huge part in that, tho I don't know what would have happened if I'd gone to a different uni.

I do get the frustration at not applying and not having been encouraged to apply. It's a particular sort of university experienced, with very short terms and high workload. My best friend from university married someone from our year. Their 18 year old son has just gone to uni - NOT Oxbridge - and they are shocked by how few essays he has written so far! Some people love that environment, and some hate it. Another good friend of mine left after 18 months because she hated it, took a year out, completed her degree elsewhere and did incredibly well there.

Having an Oxbridge degree hasn't protected me from things like experiencing discrimination in the workplace, it's not a shield, I've had hard times in my career and sometimes wonder why I work at all, tho I know it's because I have a better lifestyle than I would if I relied on benefits, although it's tough.

I have no way of knowing what would have happened if I'd gone somewhere else, and I get that your frustration is not knowing what would have happened if you had, because you were never encouraged to apply. But you're in your 20s, you've made a million. Are you happy? Because it's worth celebrating the life you've got now.

I think the issue is also not that you didn't have the confidence to apply but that because of your background you weren't encouraged or supported to apply. Also because of your poor gcse results and poor predicted grades your school didn't see any reason to encourage you to apply based on the educational data in front of them. I had excellent O level grades but neither of my parents went to uni and I wasn't even encouraged to do A levels let alone uni. I went back as a mature student later.

Don't write off a Masters yet. A friend has just done hers at Cambridge in her 50s.

Im confused - you didnt apply, but you feel rejected, but now your 25 you've made a million pounds, but still now feel rejected even though you didnt apply?

Oxbridge should be a place for those who are pursuing a love of an academic subject. I realise historically that hasn't been always true but they are trying very hard now to identify those students who excel academically at a subject. You are an incredible resilient human who has done incredibly well in A levels and is clearly a successful business person to boot. Oxbridge may not have been rhe right place for you? It may not have nurtured your entrepreneurial mindset for example.
So don't waste time regretting paths you haven't taken, especially when the path you have taken has worked out so well for you

I sort of share your feeling OP. From an average northern comprehensive I didn't apply, but my friend did, and came top of their year in a STEM subject. A few years later we ended up doing similar PhDs at the same University, Imagine how inferior I felt. However, my friend struggled, but I, in a massive bit of overcompensation published in 'the top' journal and was awarded the prize for the top of the whole university. Now I really really had regrets for not applying.

Next I moved to Cambridge, where I worked with many of their graduates, and never felt equal to them. I also worked with university academics to commission and deliver research. They would proudly describe how their undergraduate course was heavily theoretical and not designed to be practically useful, I smiled and bit my lip. I was beginning to feel I had dodged a bullet. By now I was recruiting and interviewing graduates, and I had to sift through many to find those with useful skills. Outside work my chosen sports club was also the university club, so I met, mentored and trained many students. Yes they were bright, and a few brilliant, but many lacked any other skills, and didn't shine at what was quite an academic and theory based sport.

Years on, now living in Wales, DD1 wants to do a similar subject. We went to a good selection of courses, including "back in Cambridge". In all honesty, the courses at other universities sounded more interesting, but with predicted A*s confirmed in AS levels, DD had to try. I though we'd lived there long enough to know what they were after.... but DD didn't even get interviewed. And in the end, I think DD will have more fun elsewhere. And what of my school friend who was top of the year? They work for a similar company to me, in a no better role.

Life is what you make it, have no regrets OP

If it is really bothering you that you didn’t
have the confidence to apply, but you don’t want to go to Oxbridge yourself anymore, maybe you could do mentoring or do other volunteer work supporting young people in difficult life circumstances build confidence and go for Oxbridge / similar opportunities and give them the knowledge and confidence you didn’t have

If you had applied you would have been rejected because of your failed GCSEs

LOL is it Ruby Granger?

You have a sense of having missed out on something but you don't know what to do with it. . .may I make a suggestion? Read. Find a subject that inspires you - psychology in the workplace, maths, Aztec history, whatever you like and read, just for fun and interest. You'd do it in your spare time, so it wouldn't divert energy from your job (and might even galvanise you by giving you new ideas) but it might just give you a sense if where you might like to go in the future. You can't learn everything you need in life from a book, but there are times when there's nothing like a good book.

Didn't Huw Edwards use this as an excuse ?

Are you sure it's bitterness you feel @OneTealEagle? Could it rather be anger at the shitty hand you were dealt at the start of your life? No matter how much you earn now you have every reason to be angry that the people who should've loved, nurtured and protected you didn't.

Oh who cares about Oxbridge! You’ve clearly demonstrated your ability to succeed, regardless of which university you went to or not. At such a young age, you’ve already achieved more than some people do in a life time. University is not a guarantee of success in life. You made your own success. Keep trusting your self and your own abilities.

You can be rightly proud of everything you have achieved though the odds were stacked against you.

You can rightly feel aggrieved at the family members and school staff that held you back or wrote off your potential.

YABVU if you resent the universities that you didn't even apply to. If you're only mid-20s now you would certainly have been eligible for all sorts of widening-participation routes that exist to make it easier for those from challenging backgrounds to overcome the barriers that aren't there for students who are from supportive and comfortable homes. It's sad that you didn't know this but part of the issues with family and school, not the universities' fault.

You might well benefit from doing an MBA at a prestigious university. They are expensive but they are aimed at giving capable and intelligent people like you who are already successful, the rocket fuel needed to go even further. Given that you have already made your first million you must have immense potential that an MBA would help you harness.

It sounds like whichever path you did take has turned out to be very successful for you. There's a chance that oxbridge might have destroyed your confidence (I know soooo many very intelligent people who dropped out with nervous breakdowns) and you might not be where you are now.

Also, Oxbridge best suits pure academics. From your lack of interest in pursuing any further education, I'm not convinced that oxbridge would have been the best fit for you.

I understand your frustration that your potential was not recognised until fairly late. But your work achievements have eclipsed your university at this stage. I would try and let this go now.