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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have said no to this man coming into my house?

88 replies

clodethewindie · 11/12/2024 12:47

I got home from work yesterday and the new neighbour was outside and so we introduced ourselves, made small talk etc.

My house and 7 others (including new neighbours) on the street are the same design/build etc. Neighbour mentioned that he’d gone to all those houses and they’d all let him have a look around and could he come in and see what I’ve done with my place …

Now I get it’s interesting to see what others would do with the same space but also as a lone female I don’t want to have a man I don’t know come into my house for a tour. He seemed a bit putout that I said no.

OP posts:
Original poster
clodethewindie · 11/12/2024 13:35

OhBling · 11/12/2024 13:27

I think it's totally fine for her to say no. I'm just saying that it's entirely possible he is not lying about wanting to look round or that others have let him. Doesn't mean OP has to let him though.

Show quote history

I actually didn’t really get sinister vibes but I just don’t think it’s really appropriate to be asking. I can’t describe why, I don’t think every man has sinister intentions at all but I think the power dynamic is off. I don’t know him, and like I said it just felt inappropriate

OP posts:
Original poster
clodethewindie · 11/12/2024 13:32

OhBling · 11/12/2024 13:13

To be fair, around here, neighbours are always checking each other's houses out for ideas on how this building work or that would make a diference. our house was grand central station when we did our loft as we were the first ones in the neighbourhood to do so - we had people popping in at all stages too! Grin

Doesn't mean OP has to let this complete stranger into her house. But it is entirely possible that he has genuinely been in and out of everyone else's house to have a look around.

When I bought the house I did a full renovation and wasn’t living in it. The builder later told me that a few neighbours had asked to have a look around and he’d refused based on it on being his property. One woman came and asked three times.. I really could never ask someone that if I wasn’t on some kind of first name/say hello type terms.

OP posts:
fivebyfivebuffy · 11/12/2024 13:32

Absolutely no

We did this when we all moved in (new build), had a party and then went round everyone's house for a nosy but all in a huge group!

OnlySlightly · 11/12/2024 13:28

Of course it’s fine to say no. And you don’t have to think his intent was sinister in order to refuse.

Dash0Cal · 11/12/2024 13:27

Do you know for a fact he’s the new neighbour, or did he just claim he was?

I definitely wouldn’t have let him in and I think it’s really odd that he asked. I would be surprised if it was true that everyone else did, and him being put out sounds like another red flag.

OhBling · 11/12/2024 13:27

Manara · 11/12/2024 13:23

Surely 7 houses is enough for him to be nosy in without getting sulky with a lone female for not letting him into hers.

Remember OP is on her own, whereas you were a 'we'.

Show quote history

I think it's totally fine for her to say no. I'm just saying that it's entirely possible he is not lying about wanting to look round or that others have let him. Doesn't mean OP has to let him though.

ObtuseMoose · 11/12/2024 13:26

I've read this before 🤔

Manara · 11/12/2024 13:24

Thelnebriati · 11/12/2024 13:03

I bet you £100 he was testing your boundaries.

I agree.

Manara · 11/12/2024 13:23

OhBling · 11/12/2024 13:13

To be fair, around here, neighbours are always checking each other's houses out for ideas on how this building work or that would make a diference. our house was grand central station when we did our loft as we were the first ones in the neighbourhood to do so - we had people popping in at all stages too! Grin

Doesn't mean OP has to let this complete stranger into her house. But it is entirely possible that he has genuinely been in and out of everyone else's house to have a look around.

Surely 7 houses is enough for him to be nosy in without getting sulky with a lone female for not letting him into hers.

Remember OP is on her own, whereas you were a 'we'.

NeedToChangeName · 11/12/2024 13:19

OhBling · 11/12/2024 13:13

To be fair, around here, neighbours are always checking each other's houses out for ideas on how this building work or that would make a diference. our house was grand central station when we did our loft as we were the first ones in the neighbourhood to do so - we had people popping in at all stages too! Grin

Doesn't mean OP has to let this complete stranger into her house. But it is entirely possible that he has genuinely been in and out of everyone else's house to have a look around.

Agree. We looked at neighbours bathrooms before changing ours as it's the best way to see what works in the space

Bit odd to ask a brand new neighbour though. He'd have been better to wait a bit

Ponoka7 · 11/12/2024 13:19

That's what Google is for, you can usually find pictures from sales/lets of similar build houses.

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 11/12/2024 13:17

In what world does this man live in? who in their right mind would allow him to view their house? NOT A CHANCE. Glad you told him op.

Peachy2005 · 11/12/2024 13:17

What a weirdo! Steer well clear and check with the neighbours if any if those house tours really happened. If they did, still be careful, he doesn’t seem to recognise normal boundaries.

NPET · 11/12/2024 13:15

Itisallgoingtobeok · 11/12/2024 13:07

This is an excellent set of rules.

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Thanks. I ought to have included the 2nd under the 1st really. Legally I don't need to let the landlord in unless I invite him (except in an emergency).

Fraaances · 11/12/2024 13:15

Very smart response. What a creep. How dare he act affronted when refused!

RightOnTheEdge · 11/12/2024 13:14

YANBU.
I live on a brand new estate. I've often thought I'd like a nosy in the other houses to see what they've done with them. It would be really interesting to see everyone's different ideas in the same style of house.

I'd never dream of actually asking though! He's a cheeky fucker and obviously a bit stupid if he can't see how inappropriate that was.

OhBling · 11/12/2024 13:13

To be fair, around here, neighbours are always checking each other's houses out for ideas on how this building work or that would make a diference. our house was grand central station when we did our loft as we were the first ones in the neighbourhood to do so - we had people popping in at all stages too! Grin

Doesn't mean OP has to let this complete stranger into her house. But it is entirely possible that he has genuinely been in and out of everyone else's house to have a look around.

cantthinkofausername26 · 11/12/2024 13:11

Good for you. He can fuck right off!

Curtainqueen · 11/12/2024 13:10

MissyPants · 11/12/2024 13:07

Defo did the right thing. New neighbour or not, he's still a stranger. I can't believe he was taken aback when you said no! Fancy expecting to be let in just like that.
I'd ask the neighbours too if what he is saying is true!

This is a good point. You only have his word that all the other neighbours let him in.

MmeHennyPenny · 11/12/2024 13:10

I don’t live alone. I would not have let him in.
I would avoid him in future. Just a quick hello and walk on by.
I hope he hasn’t upset you.

Itisallgoingtobeok · 11/12/2024 13:07

NPET · 11/12/2024 12:59

No man comes to my flat unless

He's invited,
He's the landlord (or rather the landlady's husband),
Or
He's an emergency repair guy

This is an excellent set of rules.

MissyPants · 11/12/2024 13:07

Defo did the right thing. New neighbour or not, he's still a stranger. I can't believe he was taken aback when you said no! Fancy expecting to be let in just like that.
I'd ask the neighbours too if what he is saying is true!

bigkidatheart · 11/12/2024 13:06

could be scoping the place out - does he have a family? Does he know you are single?

Curtainqueen · 11/12/2024 13:06

I'm struggling to understand why he needs to look around in other people's homes to see what they've done with their houses. I'm more surprised all the other neighbours let him in. What business is it of his what other people have done with their homes? Can he not think of his own design ideas?

Manara · 11/12/2024 13:05

Crazy that anyone would let him in, let alone a lone female.

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