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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel uncomfortable with this message exchange

184 replies

Notjustmeah · 11/12/2024 10:35

My DP and I have been together for 2 years, we are expecting our first baby.
Generally life is good for us, he has one friend, wouldn't say they are very close as she lives in London, but they have been friends since they were teens. She's literally drop dead gorgeous, tall, skinny with abs, great figure etc.
For the whole time we've been together she's been in a relationship, so I've not really thought too hard about her, and like I said she's in London so he only sees her a few times a year when she comes up.
Now she's going through a break up and the guy cheated on her and she's is devastated. She's been messaging DP a lot more and he makes a lot of time to talk to her.
Last night he was up messaging her until gone 3am, almost 4. I had a feeling something was off, he never messages her for that long. This morning I decided to have a look while he was still sleeping, I know, I know I shouldn't have but it was really bothering me.
These messages have bothered me.

"I don't get why anyone would cheat on you, you're literally like Angelina Jolie and Kiera Knightley combined"

Then in a convo about how crap men are he was like I don't get how it's so hard to be a good guy. He then said
"If I learn how to clone you can have another me?" She replied "omg yes please that's a need"

This feels like he was saying he'd date her and her saying the same back?

The last one was from her where after he complained about my family being too money focused and not liking him she said
"They are shallow, I'd give all the money in the world for a guy like you"

AIBU to feel weird about these? He comments quite a lot about how gorgeous she is and he's going to London this weekend to party with her, so I might be being paranoid.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/12/2024 11:08

Yeah this would cross a line with me. Sorry

PalisadesPatty · 11/12/2024 11:07

Shut that shit down asap OP. I’d be making it very clear that going “partying” with this woman is completely unacceptable. If he wants to keep his relationship with you and his child then he needs to send her a message making it clear he’s taken and he’s not going to engage on this level with her. If it was my DP I’d insist he didn’t have any contact at all actually. He’s been very disrespectful to you.

KirstenBlest · 11/12/2024 11:00

It's the damsel-in-distress scenario. The safe female friend is now single and in need of rescuing, so he's like a ferret down a drainpipe.

They've overstepped the mark and it needs nipping in the bud.

Whathappensnowplease · 11/12/2024 11:00

I agree with pp: they have crossed a line.
They have shown each other they have mutual sexual attraction.
I wouldn't be happy about him going off to spend a weekend with her after seeing these messages.
You really need to have a serious conversation with him. He should be focusing on you and your expected baby not propping up his friends ego by indulging in sexual shenanigans with her.

Weyohweyoh · 11/12/2024 10:58

Given those messages, I would be very unhappy about him going to “party” with her right now. The dynamic has changed, she is clearly looking for comfort and he’s making all the noises to indicate his interest. Nope. Absolutely not.

Firstgenfunc · 11/12/2024 10:53

I think it’s fine for married men and women to have good friends of the opposite sex, for sure. But to be texting them until 3am? That’s crossing a line. Offering to clone himself, that conversation is not ok. They are flirting and setting the scene for an affair. She’s making it very clear she’s interested.

Annabella92 · 11/12/2024 10:53

He is doing something wrong @CatFlautist he's signalled his interest. Not intent to act, but that he readily views her as more than a friend.

I'd be very upset about this

CatFlautist · 11/12/2024 10:42

I know this is not the point of your message, but he thinks it’s somehow justifiable to cheat if the person is less attractive? Hopefully with that one he’s just clumsily trying to prop her self esteem back up.

Regarding the cloning thing, she’s definitely after him and will definitely be putting the moves on him when he goes to ‘party with her’. I don’t necessarily think he’s done anything wrong yet. But the line is very blurry and they have an unhealthy dynamic. I don’t think this is going to turn out well.

MsPavlichenko · 11/12/2024 10:40

YANBU. The messages have crossed a line, and it’s unsurprising you feel vulnerable especially as you are pregnant.

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