To feel uncomfortable with this message exchange

I am usually fairly relaxed about these things, but you do need to act on this one. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. 💐

When you said they had been messaging at 3am, my first thought was that she couldn’t sleep and might be suicidal, in which case, a good friend would definitely be supportively messaging in response. But it wasn’t that vibe at all.

He has crossed the line

I wouldnt be putting up with that

This is unacceptable. Tell him that he’ll be a father soon. Tell her to back off. If you split she’ll be dealing with being a step mother with shared care. That should put a stop to her getting her claws into your dh. Tell him that if he doesn’t stop by this he’ll be a single dad all because of this idiot woman.

Clearly flirting with each other. Sorry op.

Your post missed out the bit where you explain how you know he wouldn't have cheated on his partner with you?

@ItGhoul , you told a close friend he looked hot, not told him he was giving you fanny-gallops. There's a difference.

It's pretty difficult to say as it depends so much on the whole dynamic between them.

I told a (single) male friend on Facebook that he looked hot in a shirtless photo yesterday. I'm blissfully happy with my partner of 21 years, and have no interest in any kind of relationship with my friend. Neither would my friend ever want a relationship with me. But my friend's been having a shit time lately and has been pretty down, and related to that he's had some pretty significant insecurities about his appearance/body image and about his current single status (long story but he's been treated badly in the past). He looked great in the photo and it wouldn't even occur to me not to compliment any friend who looked great, especially one who I knew was feeling a bit shit about themselves, whether they were male or female. My partner wouldn't think anything of this at all; it wouldn't even register with him as a potential issue.

However, my partner also knows the general dynamic I have with my friends and that I'm pretty open with compliments etc, and he also knows I have lots of male friends; he has more female friends than male ones too, I'd say. I'm sure he might feel differently if I had one special male friend and was talking about cloning myself to provide a partner for him, or if there was a generally different vibe to my friendships. I think only you really know what your instincts are telling you, and why.

The first message was ok in my view but the others weren't. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, OP.

Her size, shape and appearance are distracting in your post - it's your partner's behaviour and messaging towards her (and her to him) that are off.

Yep, this. As far as he's concerned it'll be game on at this party.

As for what to do, well, nothing's happened yet AFAYK so.......you could just invite yourself to the party, his reaction to that will be interesting.

At best he's been thoughtless and inappropriate and allowed himself to get carried away with a fantasy that in reality is not what he would actually choose. At worst he's all out going for it.

Partying in London?
Get his reaction to you going to the same venues.

Well surely OP this suddenly has become your favourite thing to do. Tell him you're up for that.
Lovely to party on before the baby restricts those opportunities.

You're definitely going with him right?
Obviously he's assuming you aren't.
Time to put him right.

I’d be having a serious conversation with him.

How pregnant are you? Was baby planned?

Do you think he could have “settled” with you because his “friend” was unavailable at the time? (Sorry, I know it’s a tough Q but I’ve seen this play out irl and it did not end well).

Sadly I agree. OP get out. The trust is gone and will not be back. You deserve better and it's out there for you.

Sounds like you're his plan b and his plan a just became available.

Let him go "partying in London" and tell him to stay the fuck there whilst he's at it.

They have admitted they’re attracted to one another. He’s trying to justify why she shouldn’t have been cheated on by likening her to two Hollywood starlets and she’s admitting she would accept a clone of him as a boyfriend. Staying up until 3am messaging a friend is nuts anyway, unless said friend is in some sort of mental health crisis but she has been cheated on, it’s shitty but not the end of the world.

Definitely confront him about this.

My husband has a good female friend from school. They would NEVER message each other like this. I have male friends...I would NEVER message them like this. You KNOW this is inappropriate. He simply wouldn't give an unattractive, make friend anywhere near this level of attention and support if they broke up with a partner.

What man stays up until nearly 4 am talking to a friend about their break up?

Like another poster said if this was a male friend none of this would have happened.

See on a surface level, and I think because they've known eachother so long it alters what would be considered normal boundary dynamics between friends, he seemed to be suggesting he would be ideal cloned because he's not the sort to cheat and she seems in turn to be recognising that he is indeed not the sort to cheat so a clone of him would be perfect. Most people might be tempted to comment if they thought it wouldn't get back to anyone that someone money driven may be shallow so I wouldn't take too much notice of that one.

This. Seen it so many times before. Chances are she doesn't even fancy him, just feels sad and lonely after her break-up (especially this close to Christmas), knows he's a "good" guy and wants the attention from him.

His head will be swelling with all the compliments thinking he can be her knight in shining armour, not realising she's just gone for the easy option of a good friend to boost her self esteem.

It sounds like he has had a yen for her for a while but didn't think he had a chance because she was attached. Now she isn't, but he is...he's putting out feelers and hedging his bets. I know it's easier said than done and it's the worst possible time for you, but I would be making plans to split. You can't trust him.

This, OP.

if he doesn’t show you the phone immediately I think you have your answer.

I would tell him you need him to be with you this weekend as you’re feeling vulnerable (which you are). See if he chooses to support you or go to the party with her.

I think you should talk to him before going. Say I’m not actually comfortable with you heading away to party with someone you clearly think is super gorgeous (you can just say it’s obvious in the way he talks to and about her if he asks, not admit you looked at his phone), leaving me here pregnant. There’s a risk to this scenario and I need to make it clear that you’re drunk won’t be any kind of excuse if something happened, and I’m too pregnant to feel forgiving. I don’t care if someone slips hard drugs into your drink, just remember there are no acceptable excuses and don’t get up to anything you wouldn’t do right in front of me.

see if he looks uncomfortable.

I don't think anyone can truly know how these two friends really feel about each other.
However I do not think meeting up whilst emotions are high(hers) and adding alcohol into the mix is a good idea.
If he goes you will always be wondering if something happened.

I have no doubt if he goes to see her this weekend they'll be shagging!

that's serious flirting there, have they ever had a 'thing'?

either way he is going to be pissed you went through his phone