To feel uncomfortable with this message exchange

Totally unacceptable messages. Could you open up a conversation with how late he stayed up messaging and see what he shares?

And then check out his reaction to you suggesting you go with him to London?

The omg klaxons! view is well represented, so two opposing thoughts.

You say they've been friends since teens? If they'd wanted to be together, they've had ample opportunity. Instead they have repeatedly chosen to be with other people. Currently, he chooses you.

I'm a quiet, reserved soul, yet I've been cast as a potential threat more often than I've had actual sexual partners of my own! It has never, ever been accurate. Friends are friends, nothing more. Logically, if we wanted to be together, we could have been, and would have been, in any of the many years/decades before the latest worried or jealous or possessive or paranoid new woman showed up. But we don't, so we haven't.

It gets so fucking tedious. My closest friends all used to be male. Not so much now. Thanks for that, world. It's not love when you want to make the life of your supposed new beloved smaller.

If this guy isn't right for you, if you don't feel confident and happy and secure with him, then it's good you split up and find someone who is better for you. However, male-female friendship is not the problem, nor is him supporting an old friend through a breakup. You snooping his messages is a giant red flag though, as is making your pre-existing insecurities about her.

"If I learn how to clone you can have another me?" She replied "omg yes please that's a need"
This feels like he was saying he'd date her and her saying the same back?

I think it says that he would date her if he could but he can't.

Hence a clone needed.

Still too flirty/ego stroking for me.

So your family feel that you could do better & they have let him know this?

That's horrible of them if so.

The question now is, what are you going to do about it?

You are at the Sliding Doors moment.

You can either say "I saw your exchange with X, I am not at all happy with how it ended up with you saying how gorgeous she is, how she wants to be with you and how you are going up this weekend to go partying with her .For the sake of our relationship and out of respect for me, I think you should cancel and consider how come your chat with her ended up in that place"

Or you can watch and wait and panic and cry and worry and end up either being dumped when you are pregnant or never mentioning it again but living a life of insecurity.

It sounds like they’re both living in a fantasy text world. Absolutely this is out of order on both sides. She’s looking for comfort and found it in your man… and he’s complimenting her while slagging off your family !

I think it's just friends tbh, wouldn't worry me

This

This in a nutshell.

He either wholly steps up for you or the relationship is totally doomed.

Seems like she is someone he has always pined for and she likely was never interested and now she has had a break up is thinking perhaps he is a good guy and a safe bet. She likely wouldn’t get with him, he likely wants to be with her. Could be absolutely wrong but this is the vibe you’ve given with the info. To be honest that friendship would be an absolute no from me

yanbu at all in fact I don’t get why you’re not raging (though it wouldn’t be good for the baby so stay calm)

This is one of those situations where he’s her fallback guy. She goes to him for an ego massage and bc she knows she could have him if she wanted him. He has always fancied her but she has always been in a relationship and has only wanted him as a friend. Now she’s alone and her ego has been damaged and she’s using him
for a boost. Absolutely shameful of her when she knows he’s having a child with you but he’s the one who should be putting the dampers on this and shutting it down - he is your partner and father of your unborn child.

He’s a pathetic cad and you know if she clicked her fingers he’d go running.

Its up to you to decide whether you can get over this - I know I couldn’t.

Honestly, I would have it out with him. Tell him that he needs to show you that he's committed to you and the baby. If he's constantly thinking that he's settling for you then let him go to little miss best friend. You deserve someone who will tell someone that they're crossing a line and that they're only ever gonna be their friend as in platonic and nothing more. If he's dissing your family to her, he's probably dissing you as well. She's probably doing it to and he's not standing up for you. Let him walk if he can't give you the respect you deserve.

What a dick, massaging his little ego. Ew.

I would be seriously pissed off if I were you. The problem is that she was already in a relationship when you and your partner got together, so you’ve never seen them together when she’s single. He could have been waiting for his chance all this time and now it’s come. Sorry, that sounds harsh but that’s what I’d be thinking

100% this!

In your place - he would not be going to London and I would be offering an ultimatum. You either cease contact or the relationship is over and mean it. If he can’t do it, then you have your answer op.
You should not have to live in her shadow op.

It’s massively inappropriate obviously. The only think I’d wonder is why they having already got together if you think they fancy each other? There must be a reason.

Either way, I’d tell him if he wants to go party with her then fine. But you won’t be hanging around waiting for him. After those messages I’d be questioning the relationship.

You’re not paranoid. Nice little emotional affair they have going on there under your nose.

A man who sucks up to his perfect female friend whilst having a pregnant woman at home, not cool. She’s nasty too, manipulative.
I can tell by their bitch fest about your family that they’re not good. You’re right to be upset and sadly this is just the things you have seen.

Trust your instincts. They both sound like snakes 🐍

Absolutely they are sending each other a clear message that they fancy each other.

I would not be happy at all.

Was your pregnancy planned?
Two years together is not long to already be pregnant IMO.

NoBody is right, it’s just making her feel better about herself.

I reckon she probably friend-zoned your DH a long time ago.

You need to take her down and fast, totally out of order. As for your husband, he has crossed a line.
Some women just need to know they can have any man they want, her ego is dented, it is not for your husband to repair it.

By the sound of it, if she wanted him, they probably would’ve got together ages ago. Id bet she’s just looking for an ego boost to make herself feel better about her cheating ex.

He has choosen to impregnate and live his life with the OP, Angelina Jolie needs to FO and no I wouldn’t be so naive as to think any man would be my “friend” without wanting to sleep with me. It doesn’t happen.

This is absolutely not ok. They are both crossing a line here. One or both should be reeling themselves back in.

I had a best friend who was male for 7 years. When I became single it became clear he wanted more - I would never have expected it before that date. A mutual (male) friend of ours told me “men are never really happy just being friends with women, they are biding their time until they get their opportunity”. That mutual friend also then made a pass at me a couple of years later when he himself became single. I declined.
I’ve since reflected on a lot of my male “friends” throughout the years and realised if I’d attempted to sleep with them at any time I would have been successful and that’s nothing about me being super hot or anything, it’s just because I’m female. I’d be wary of this OP. I told so many of the original friend mentioned above’s girlfriends that we were like brother and sister and they had nothing to worry about - the whole time they did really, I was just unaware of it.

They've crossed the line and as for the party tell him to pack his bag and not come back he clearly is very interested in her and that's bullshit unacceptable in no shape or form would I accept this let the man go he sounds like if he had a chance he will fuck this women without a doubt