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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not keep my mouth shut..

160 replies

arcticpandas · 11/12/2024 08:46

So DH loves romantic comedies. Think Love Actually, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones etc. I don't but each to their own. But certain movies have not aged gracefully imo. Think Pretty Woman. Is it romantic to pay a prostitute? And Bridget Jones. How overweight is she? Not at all imo and yet it's a big part of the plot. Also when Hugh Grant touches her butt it's supposed to be exciting when in fact it's sexual harassment. Maybe it's me getting old 40+ or it's the whole metoo débâcle that has made it impossible to not notice and be annoyed about misogynie and sexism and bodyshaming in movies. My DH thinks I'm a bore and that "it's just a movie" and I get that. Yet I have to either point out what's upsetting if I'm in the living room, or I have to go elsewhere.
So
AIBU - Yes, just shut up and let your DH enjoy his films.
AINBU- No, you are right to point out blatant sexism.
I am seriously in doubt about this one since I do get that DH wants to relax and not having me nag but also I find some things too offensive and I feel I need to point them out since he doesn't see the harm.

OP posts:
OnlySlightly · 11/12/2024 09:04

It’s perfectly possible to acknowledge the appalling sexual politics of a film and also quite enjoy it.

I quite like The Proposal (Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds) while also being well aware that it’s a deeply pathetic male fantasy about a dominant female boss (who blackmails her male assistant into being engaged to her because she needs a visa) discovering, on his home territory that he has the upper hand, and he gets to grope her in public because they’re ‘engaged’.

I mean, I don’t sit there during films DH enjoys pointing out their crappy sexual politics or unexamined assumptions about masculinity. I don’t say I find films about men shooting other men boring, whether it’s Full Metal Jacket or The Godfather.

PearTreeBoat · 11/12/2024 09:02

If you watch a movie with a terrorist attack or a plane hijack or some other such atrocity, do you point out how awful these acts are, or do you just accept that they are just part of the movie and watch it for what it is.

I'd hope your husband, as a grown man, understands and can recognize sexism and misogyny himself without the need for you to point it out. If not, you've got a much bigger problem than some dated movie plot!

SharpOpalNewt · 11/12/2024 09:01

I love Bridget Jones, though I think Pretty Woman would be too irritating to watch today. What would be more irritating though is watching a film you enjoy while someone is yabbering away in your ear about how dated it is.

Donotgogentle · 11/12/2024 09:01

Why not look at some more up to date rom coms? I was cheered by the sexual politics of Love Hard (Netflix), I’m sure there are others:-

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/P0JvXVEgqF0?si=5kd87lFXq8tB7_62

JurassicPark4Eva · 11/12/2024 09:00

I refuse to watch things like Dirty Dancing now. SO problematic.

Pretty Woman is a great film, but it is not a romance film. It's about an abused woman bring abused again by a man who finds her pretty. Great.

Just leave the room.

Ludovico · 11/12/2024 08:58

Jesus don’t be a mood hooverer. I’m sure he is not going to want to be lectured whilst he is trying to watch a romcom.

What we really need to try to avoid is erasing everything that some people find offensive. You don’t really have the right to shame him in to not watching them, I mean they are pretty tame and not hard core porn are they?

I’d put my house on it you enjoy giving him a good lecture about things - be careful as he just might get bored of it

Catza · 11/12/2024 08:56

I only ever have these discussions with our teen. Partner is a grown man and doesn't need me to point anything out to him.
These films are of their time as are many others from much older period of cinematography.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 11/12/2024 08:56

Hot take.

Edingril · 11/12/2024 08:52

They were written at the time and enjoyed at the time, sure everyone has an opinion on what they watch but why do you feel you need to point it out? Is it because you need to treat him like a,child and lecture him? Is it because you want a pat on the back to show how progressive you are? Do you want him to 'thank you i had no idea you are wonderful for teaching me'?

What do you actually want from it?