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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not keep my mouth shut..

160 replies

arcticpandas · 11/12/2024 08:46

So DH loves romantic comedies. Think Love Actually, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones etc. I don't but each to their own. But certain movies have not aged gracefully imo. Think Pretty Woman. Is it romantic to pay a prostitute? And Bridget Jones. How overweight is she? Not at all imo and yet it's a big part of the plot. Also when Hugh Grant touches her butt it's supposed to be exciting when in fact it's sexual harassment. Maybe it's me getting old 40+ or it's the whole metoo débâcle that has made it impossible to not notice and be annoyed about misogynie and sexism and bodyshaming in movies. My DH thinks I'm a bore and that "it's just a movie" and I get that. Yet I have to either point out what's upsetting if I'm in the living room, or I have to go elsewhere.
So
AIBU - Yes, just shut up and let your DH enjoy his films.
AINBU- No, you are right to point out blatant sexism.
I am seriously in doubt about this one since I do get that DH wants to relax and not having me nag but also I find some things too offensive and I feel I need to point them out since he doesn't see the harm.

OP posts:
IdylicDay · 13/12/2024 09:51

I don't know, I can see both points of view. A lot of movies made say pre 2000 have things in them that are problematic. For example Grease where she changes herself completely just to get a guy. And being Gender Critical I especially notice a lot of these things now more than as a teen and in my 20s and 30s.

But, I still enjoy some of these movies for what they are. Fun classics. So, yeah, I'd point out to him how a part is unrealistic, but then I'd shut up and let him enjoy it otherwise.

Skyrainlight · 13/12/2024 09:18

arcticpandas · 13/12/2024 08:18

Absolutely. JKR gives me hope for the future. I mean she's stating the obvious but she dares to do it in a time when you get cancelled for following scientific definitions of what constitutes a male and a female.

Show quote history

I love JK. Turns out she was right, giving puberty blockers to children could actually present a problem. Who would have thought.

Skyrainlight · 13/12/2024 09:11

Do you point out violence in movies and tell him that's unacceptable? Just let him enjoy his movies and go somewhere else in the house. I would find it extremely annoying getting a lecture about the shows I watch. I think rugby is harmful to the players bodies and I don't watch it because of that, I think formula 1 is bad for the environment, I don't give my husband a lecture because he watches these on TV, I just do something else.

PiastriThePastry · 13/12/2024 08:32

arcticpandas · 13/12/2024 08:27

To be fair I don't hammer it over and over. If he wants me to watch a film with him I say no and why. Then leave. I'm not commenting during the film because I'm not in the same room.

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Oh, that’s fair enough! Sorry I got the wrong end of the stick. Yea he can’t really get annoyed about you simply not watching it with him, that’s unfair of him!

Original poster
arcticpandas · 13/12/2024 08:27

PiastriThePastry · 13/12/2024 08:23

Oh god, I totally agree with you in sentiment… but I still love those films (watched Bridget jones last night actually!) and would be soooo fucked off with you keep hammering the same point home over and over while I was just trying to enjoy my daft film! So YA(both)UandNU. Hold those opinions but don’t go on about it during films you know he enjoys.

To be fair I don't hammer it over and over. If he wants me to watch a film with him I say no and why. Then leave. I'm not commenting during the film because I'm not in the same room.

OP posts:
PiastriThePastry · 13/12/2024 08:23

Oh god, I totally agree with you in sentiment… but I still love those films (watched Bridget jones last night actually!) and would be soooo fucked off with you keep hammering the same point home over and over while I was just trying to enjoy my daft film! So YA(both)UandNU. Hold those opinions but don’t go on about it during films you know he enjoys.

rumred · 13/12/2024 08:20

@arcticpandas I'm with you, some absolutely shocking misogyny in films. I didn't watch them originally - they were misogynistic at the time and I don't find it entertaining. My partner similarly likes some (to me) gross stuff . We do talk about it generally but it's her choice, so I try not to roll my eyes too much and go do something else. There's a few things we both enjoy so we watch them together.

Original poster
arcticpandas · 13/12/2024 08:18

Yalta · 13/12/2024 08:12

I had someone lecture me about what JKR tweeted

After their long winded rant I replied with

“But she is factually correct”

Show quote history

Absolutely. JKR gives me hope for the future. I mean she's stating the obvious but she dares to do it in a time when you get cancelled for following scientific definitions of what constitutes a male and a female.

OP posts:
Original poster
arcticpandas · 13/12/2024 08:15

Undercovercourgette · 13/12/2024 07:17

Oh god you are the definition of a snowflake.

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And with your judgmental attitude you'd make Trump proud of you.

OP posts:
Yalta · 13/12/2024 08:12

Errors · 13/12/2024 07:16

OP I would be very irritated by a partner virtue signalling when I was trying to kick back with a film. It’s really dull.

I had a friend once (no longer friends now, incidentally!) who was like this. I remember telling him how excited I was because me and DS were reading Harry Potter together and he was really getting in to his reading. Rather than being happy for me about me sharing this, I got a lecture about JKR as he is incredibly woke. It was really tiresome. Like someone picking at where you get your clothes or what you eat because they reckon they’re on the moral high ground with all choices.

I had someone lecture me about what JKR tweeted

After their long winded rant I replied with

“But she is factually correct”

Yalta · 13/12/2024 08:08

OhBling · 11/12/2024 09:41

The fact that she was actually 27 is irrelevant. Okay the character was 17 and he's 24. Still inappropriate.

it's a bit like the historical romance fiction I used to read back in the day - the heroine was always about 17 and the hero in his 30s and frankly, a huge part of the "romance" came from her being the plucky smart woman who tames the hard bitten rake. ICK.

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Same age when I married dh
Certainly has never felt inappropriate

If I had to only go out with teenager boys at 17, I don’t think I would have bothered

They were ridiculously immature and didn’t drive. Most were still doing homework or living at home

Are girls no longer more mature than boys?

MrsSethGecko · 13/12/2024 07:56

@Errors ha, are you a Tarantino/zombie lover too?

Pumpkincozynights · 13/12/2024 07:47

This reminds me of when dd and I were discussing the film Cats and how bad it was. Dd stated that she couldn’t stand watching the parts were the cats were dancing en pointe as they didn’t have pointe shoes on. Dh chipped in, you are focussing on that when the entire film is total nonsense. He did have a point.

Pumpkincozynights · 13/12/2024 07:43

Pretty woman is dire. I won’t watch it.
Most films are daft and nonsensical.
I think make your point op do your dh knows that you won’t be watching them, then leave it.

Undercovercourgette · 13/12/2024 07:17

arcticpandas · 11/12/2024 08:46

So DH loves romantic comedies. Think Love Actually, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones etc. I don't but each to their own. But certain movies have not aged gracefully imo. Think Pretty Woman. Is it romantic to pay a prostitute? And Bridget Jones. How overweight is she? Not at all imo and yet it's a big part of the plot. Also when Hugh Grant touches her butt it's supposed to be exciting when in fact it's sexual harassment. Maybe it's me getting old 40+ or it's the whole metoo débâcle that has made it impossible to not notice and be annoyed about misogynie and sexism and bodyshaming in movies. My DH thinks I'm a bore and that "it's just a movie" and I get that. Yet I have to either point out what's upsetting if I'm in the living room, or I have to go elsewhere.
So
AIBU - Yes, just shut up and let your DH enjoy his films.
AINBU- No, you are right to point out blatant sexism.
I am seriously in doubt about this one since I do get that DH wants to relax and not having me nag but also I find some things too offensive and I feel I need to point them out since he doesn't see the harm.

Oh god you are the definition of a snowflake.

Errors · 13/12/2024 07:16

OP I would be very irritated by a partner virtue signalling when I was trying to kick back with a film. It’s really dull.

I had a friend once (no longer friends now, incidentally!) who was like this. I remember telling him how excited I was because me and DS were reading Harry Potter together and he was really getting in to his reading. Rather than being happy for me about me sharing this, I got a lecture about JKR as he is incredibly woke. It was really tiresome. Like someone picking at where you get your clothes or what you eat because they reckon they’re on the moral high ground with all choices.

Errors · 13/12/2024 07:13

MrsSethGecko · 11/12/2024 09:42

I've never liked romcoms, I'm a horror/Tarantino fan.
I have been made to sit through the films mentioned above to "just give them a chance" and I still much prefer dead people eating people and/or everyone getting shot.

I keep quiet when others watch their romantic stuff though because it just leads to arguments otherwise and life is too short to go on about Bridget Jones.

Are you me?

username299 · 13/12/2024 06:54

Userxyd · 12/12/2024 22:40

YANBU. The Two Ronnies was on this morning and whilst they've got some classic sketches there are some that are shockingly sexist joking about men with their secretaries, size of women's breasts etc etc. Our culture has progressed so much in just a few decades.

That was my era and I hated the blatant sexism. TV was very much run by and for men. Even though it still is, political correctness got rid off a lot of the sexism.

Many of those comedians started out in working men's clubs and told a lot of wife and mother in law jokes.

Lightswitchup · 13/12/2024 06:49

Userxyd · 12/12/2024 22:40

YANBU. The Two Ronnies was on this morning and whilst they've got some classic sketches there are some that are shockingly sexist joking about men with their secretaries, size of women's breasts etc etc. Our culture has progressed so much in just a few decades.

My mum didn’t like this in the seventies. Or Benny Hill or James Bond or things she thought were racist so we didn’t watch them. I suppose it just depends where your line is, and this is going to be an individual thing. But it could certainly cause problems in a relationship if your ‘lines’ are far apart.

littlehorsesthatrun · 13/12/2024 06:12

Isn’t the whole point of Bridget Jones that Grant is a pervert and she’s weak for thinking it’s flattering. Then she sees him for what he really is? Before Me too highlighting misogyny and how to deal with it- not saying it’s sexy i don’t think

Calloja23 · 13/12/2024 04:12

I. Think you need to get a grip!! For goodness sake c aren’t more important things going on!

OhcantthInkofaname · 12/12/2024 23:41

Watch Paint Your Wagon.

Flyhigher · 12/12/2024 22:52

Let him enjoy the films. Too much criticism kills relationships

ThinWomansBrain · 12/12/2024 22:48

In no way a romantic comedy - but I saw Conclave tonight, it's brilliant, go see that.

HoppityBun · 12/12/2024 22:45

Userxyd · 12/12/2024 22:40

YANBU. The Two Ronnies was on this morning and whilst they've got some classic sketches there are some that are shockingly sexist joking about men with their secretaries, size of women's breasts etc etc. Our culture has progressed so much in just a few decades.

I know, it’s a shame. Ronnie Barker was gifted with his use of words and sometimes on BBCR4xtra they repeat Lines From my Grandfather’s Forehead and most of that is still good listening.