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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not keep my mouth shut..

160 replies

arcticpandas · 11/12/2024 08:46

So DH loves romantic comedies. Think Love Actually, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones etc. I don't but each to their own. But certain movies have not aged gracefully imo. Think Pretty Woman. Is it romantic to pay a prostitute? And Bridget Jones. How overweight is she? Not at all imo and yet it's a big part of the plot. Also when Hugh Grant touches her butt it's supposed to be exciting when in fact it's sexual harassment. Maybe it's me getting old 40+ or it's the whole metoo débâcle that has made it impossible to not notice and be annoyed about misogynie and sexism and bodyshaming in movies. My DH thinks I'm a bore and that "it's just a movie" and I get that. Yet I have to either point out what's upsetting if I'm in the living room, or I have to go elsewhere.
So
AIBU - Yes, just shut up and let your DH enjoy his films.
AINBU- No, you are right to point out blatant sexism.
I am seriously in doubt about this one since I do get that DH wants to relax and not having me nag but also I find some things too offensive and I feel I need to point them out since he doesn't see the harm.

OP posts:
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isaidwhatisaidandimeantwhatisaid · 16/12/2024 18:27

Personally, I find torture porn films like Saw and all that gore-fest sort of stuff highly problematic. I think that wanting to watch something like that and actually enjoying it is worrisome.

DH however (who doesn't have a violent or aggressive bone in his body) quite likes them.

Films like that IMO, are far more of a problem in a society where violence against women is scarily prevalent.

But each to their own when it comes to entertainment! The Holiday hasn't aged particularly well either but it's still a cosy nostalgia fest for me. If DH sat by me pontificating about the issues with it whilst I was enjoying it, then I'd be really annoyed!

KimberleyClark · 16/12/2024 15:08

The best romantic comedy is The Goodbye Girl. It’s relatable. Neither of the leads (Richard Dreyfus and Marsha Mason) are drop dead gorgeous. The flat they are forced to share (because Marsha’s bastard ex sublet it) is actually a bit shabby and not in a salubrious part of New York. I thoroughly recommend it.

To not keep my mouth shut..
DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 14:53

Good advice for many. I shared as I wanted to, you just seem obsessed enough to keep on about it.

If I choose, I can say someone else entirely wrong without giving a detailed breakdown of why. I don't have to show my workings.

Manara · 16/12/2024 14:39

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 14:36

Ridiculous statement. One can have thoughts and not share them, you know.

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Rather defeats the purpose of a forum then. Let's just all sit in silence not sharing our thoughts.

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 14:36

Manara · 16/12/2024 12:47

Well you clearly don't as you have provided none.

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Ridiculous statement. One can have thoughts and not share them, you know.

Goodtogossip · 16/12/2024 14:06

You pointing things out isn't going to make a difference now so I'd either not mention it & watch it with him or leave your DH to watch them alone. It's really not worth arguing with your DH over though as there's nothing you can do to change the narrative of the films.

Manara · 16/12/2024 12:47

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 12:46

I do and she's not.

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Well you clearly don't as you have provided none.

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 12:46

Manara · 16/12/2024 10:47

More like you have no argument. She's right.

What's made worse here is that OP doesn't want to watch these films but her husband is forcing them on her because he gets upset if she wants to do something else like read.

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I do and she's not.

Niknakcake · 16/12/2024 12:35

Everyone talks about Cleaver pinching Bridget’s bum in BJD yet happily skips over the creepy “uncle” at the Christmas party….

Art reflects life…. These films are indicative of the time they were made and yes things do move on but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it for what it was.

Niknakcake · 16/12/2024 12:31

OnlySlightly · 16/12/2024 08:42

In what way is it a romcom if, in the foundation myth of a world religion, an angel shows up and tells a woman who’s never had sex that she’s been impregnated by the Holy Spirit?

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Sounds like gaslighting to me and she was drugged so she doesn’t remember being impregnated

Manara · 16/12/2024 10:48

Boredlass · 16/12/2024 10:44

You sound exhausting and there is no way I’d sit and watch something with you. I don’t care about the issues in old films. I just laugh and say ‘you couldn’t do that nowadays’ and move on. No one needs or wants a lecture when trying to relax.

That's the point, OP can't relax because he's insisting she watch these films with him.

Manara · 16/12/2024 10:47

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 08:58

So much wrong with this post I can't be bothered to unpick.

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More like you have no argument. She's right.

What's made worse here is that OP doesn't want to watch these films but her husband is forcing them on her because he gets upset if she wants to do something else like read.

Boredlass · 16/12/2024 10:44

You sound exhausting and there is no way I’d sit and watch something with you. I don’t care about the issues in old films. I just laugh and say ‘you couldn’t do that nowadays’ and move on. No one needs or wants a lecture when trying to relax.

NotVeryFunny · 16/12/2024 10:37

YABU. Don't be a grouch. I love all those films. Happy to meet up with your DH and watch them if you don't fancy it. My DH generally likes a romcom but doesn't like Bridget Jones either so I need a Bridget jones partner 😂😂😂😂

TiredMummma · 16/12/2024 10:24

I think it is fine to point it out and would expect any adult to be watching it with a critical eye - but you do sound like you are doing it in a nasty way and ruining his fun - you also made me fancy watching Bridget Jones

Jazzicatz · 16/12/2024 09:01

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 08:58

So much wrong with this post I can't be bothered to unpick.

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If there is so much wrong then please tell me, I can’t wait to hear how we can all do what we want and the world around us is fair and just to women.

DowntonFlabbie · 16/12/2024 08:58

Jazzicatz · 16/12/2024 08:37

I believe that we live in a patriarchal world, which includes the political, social and cultural structures that create and reinforce sexism and oppression of women. The more insidious aspects of that comes through the more cultural aspects such as films. I therefore dont think we should just ignore it. The films you mention have reached a global market, watched by millions and they certainly portray women in a negative light. You are right to bring up your concerns about these films, but your partner probably won’t agree with you.

So much wrong with this post I can't be bothered to unpick.

OnlySlightly · 16/12/2024 08:42

Allfur · 16/12/2024 07:28

Although the star of one of the oldest rom coms of all time was only 15 - the virgin mary

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In what way is it a romcom if, in the foundation myth of a world religion, an angel shows up and tells a woman who’s never had sex that she’s been impregnated by the Holy Spirit?

Jazzicatz · 16/12/2024 08:37

I believe that we live in a patriarchal world, which includes the political, social and cultural structures that create and reinforce sexism and oppression of women. The more insidious aspects of that comes through the more cultural aspects such as films. I therefore dont think we should just ignore it. The films you mention have reached a global market, watched by millions and they certainly portray women in a negative light. You are right to bring up your concerns about these films, but your partner probably won’t agree with you.

Manara · 16/12/2024 07:53

Allfur · 16/12/2024 07:28

Although the star of one of the oldest rom coms of all time was only 15 - the virgin mary

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She was 12!

Allfur · 16/12/2024 07:28

MrsB74 · 15/12/2024 22:01

She is not 15!

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Although the star of one of the oldest rom coms of all time was only 15 - the virgin mary

Valeriekat · 16/12/2024 06:45

IdylicDay · 13/12/2024 09:51

I don't know, I can see both points of view. A lot of movies made say pre 2000 have things in them that are problematic. For example Grease where she changes herself completely just to get a guy. And being Gender Critical I especially notice a lot of these things now more than as a teen and in my 20s and 30s.

But, I still enjoy some of these movies for what they are. Fun classics. So, yeah, I'd point out to him how a part is unrealistic, but then I'd shut up and let him enjoy it otherwise.

Although tbf he does "letter in track" for her.

MrsB74 · 15/12/2024 22:01

OhBling · 11/12/2024 09:21

There are a few but the massive age gap - she's 15!!!! is the most obvious one.

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She is not 15!

Kittyloulou · 15/12/2024 19:02

You must be fun at parties

monkey666lynn · 15/12/2024 17:52

My God let the poor man watch his films in peace! Yes it was a different era, yes it doesn't happen now- he probably knows this anyway, but it's just a film!!

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