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Original poster

Being made redundant - ask sons dad (my ex) to drop a day in work so we both do 4 days

38 replies

twentytwentyfour2024 · 11/12/2024 07:15

Split from sons dad I have to manage to find a full time job and also one to work around nursery drop offs and pick ups.

To ask my son's dad to drop a day in his job so that we both work 4 days and he can help out?

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:27

@SapphireOpal yes I can see that. I shouldn't post when I have just woken and my brain hasn't warmed up!

HPandthelastwish · 11/12/2024 07:26

His work hours are nothing to do with you I'm afraid. This is how it is. Mums get child benefit and access to UC contribution to childcare. You can ask him but you'll be setting up a new status quo of contact - which may well be a good thing but you won't easily be able to go back on it if it isn't.

Original poster
twentytwentyfour2024 · 11/12/2024 07:26

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:22

You can ask but he is not obliged. I understand the frustration. You are not obliged to drop one day either. What did you work when you were together? Your thread title mentions being made redundant.

Yes my old job was so flexible but new jobs are office and full time so this really disrupts me. If I could have time off with my son and still work these hours ofc I would but I can't

OP posts:
Jagoda · 11/12/2024 07:24

What’s your child contact arrangement?

If it’s 50/50 then he has to arrange and pay for childcare when he has child, although this would usually be agreed so there’s continuity of care.

If you have the child all the time or ex is just seeing them at weekends or similar, you should get child maintenance but that’s it basically.

Have you checked to see if you are eligible for UC?

Summerbay23 · 11/12/2024 07:24

I’m sorry but I don’t think you can do this either. You can ask him to help solve the problem (i.e can he take a couple of days off work to cover while you look at childcare options, does he have any family who could help out?). But I think the onus is on both of you to look at all available childcare options.

SapphireOpal · 11/12/2024 07:23

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:20

CSA i mean.

No you meant CMS, you were right the first time!

wellingtonsandwaffles · 11/12/2024 07:22

If he drops a day he will drop CMS. Rather than getting him to drop days at work is there a way to get him to do more days looking after him? That could also reduce CMS but would free you up. It sucks being made redundant and being a single parent but you need to put your all into looking for work within nursery hours that pays what you need. There are lots of jobs that do that but sometimes you need to go through lots of rejections before one sticks.

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:22

You can ask but he is not obliged. I understand the frustration. You are not obliged to drop one day either. What did you work when you were together? Your thread title mentions being made redundant.

SapphireOpal · 11/12/2024 07:22

twentytwentyfour2024 · 11/12/2024 07:20

Why should it all fall on the mums when the dads work any time they want make their money and have a free life meanwhile I'm working full time and have to do the drop offs and pick ups? I'll be dropping a day so why shouldn't he?!

Show quote history

Because you can't force people to behave how you want them to.

You can ask, but he isn't obliged to say yes.

SpringOne · 11/12/2024 07:21

I don't think it is an unreasonable ask, but there's nothing you can do to force it if he doesn't want to. So depends on your relationship, but I think it's worth discussing in your situation.

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:20

CSA i mean.

Original poster
twentytwentyfour2024 · 11/12/2024 07:20

ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:18

If you have split up you can't ask him to drop a day at work. You can find childcare and make sure you go through CMS to get money for your child/children to pay for this.

Why should it all fall on the mums when the dads work any time they want make their money and have a free life meanwhile I'm working full time and have to do the drop offs and pick ups? I'll be dropping a day so why shouldn't he?!

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2024 07:18

If you have split up you can't ask him to drop a day at work. You can find childcare and make sure you go through CMS to get money for your child/children to pay for this.