Husband not making contact for hours when at party

It's a work party. I'd find it obvious that there'd be drinks after the daytime activity. I'd be more shocked if someone came home sober at 5pm from a work Xmas party. If someone's at a work do and doesn't arrive back at 5pm the dots are not hard to join.

This is the problem now with mobile phones. People expect to be in touch all the time. He was probably having a good time and didn't want to be looking at his phone every five minutes.

Surely a parent can manage two kids for an evening without messages of support. Come on.

There's nothing indecent or impolite about focusing on someone other than immediate family for one festive evening or other activity every so often.

I'd hate to be such a millstone round my partner's neck.

He should have dropped a text just to let you know he was staying out late but otherwise he should be able to let his hair down for one night without being tied to the phone or you waiting for him. I would hate that

I completely disagree. Exceptions should not be made. @Moveoverdarlin You might let it go, but it doesn’t necessarily mean others should. The husband’s behaviour is at worst disgusting and disrespectful as well as a wanton disregard for OP and their children. What if OP needed help? How difficult was it for OP’s husband to send a quick message instead of radio silence? And then instead of being apologetic, he’s being rude and dismissive.

I think my response was - meh it’s Christmas & you cannot always get phone signals in these places. Also, it is SO easy to lose track of time when you’re having fun. And that sometimes it’s nice to be spontaneous.

And I still think all of this, but when you have young children at home you have to be more responsible. He would’ve presumably known you didn’t have plans so the children were accounted for, but he should’ve added to say not sure what time I’ll be home, or it’ll be a late one etc etc.

As a rule I do always give DP a window of when I think I’ll be back & then provide a mid evening update to say - looking more like x.

I just respect him enough to be honest about my plans, even when they’re last minute. And it’s always 2 mins to text. But m3n just don’t think like this without training, unfortunately.

Where did I suggest constant contact? . He told her he was going out for lunch, then he told her there was an activity at three, then he didn't get back til 11.
One text to clarify that is reasonable and hardly 'constant contact' is it? It takes literally 30 seconds to send that message.

If i am am out for the day or at a party I am not in constant contact so no I don't expect my husband too

I agree with PP I see both sides. He could and probably should have sent you a quick message - it doesn't take a lot, after all. But at the same time if you've agreed it's a night out for him and you'll take care of the kids, then I could see why and how he got into it and forgot to contact you.

My DH had his Christmas do on Friday and once bedtime was done I ate a whole thing of ice cream and watched titanic with the dog - completely missing my husband's messages checking in to see how we were doing (I was having a great time)! So I guess I was the bad partner there :/

Because it's polite and the decent thing to do especially when there are two little kids at home. That we didn't used to be able to do it doesn't mean we shouldn't now, when it's so convenient to do so. Quick text at 5 o clock to say don't wait up, don't leave me any dinner, are you ok?, surely isn't too much to ask. It's just considerate.

It wouldn't be alright if the OP then demanded he came home or got the hump-unless there was an emergency obvs-but it's fine for her to want to know her DH's rough plan.

If I'm going to be back late or later than I'd said I let DH know and don't think twice about it.

in his head he prob wouldn’t have been thinking about the what ifs at all. I’d let it go but explain in future you’d like him to at least check his phone x

Really don’t get the constant anxiety of impending doom and disaster nowadays
With the all what if an emergency

honestly just think your pissed off he’s out if it wasn’t the lack of contact it’s be something else

It's a Christmas party, aliens could land and a million things could happen, but it is a party he is a grown adult you don't need to be tied to each other

But why?

People never used to be this dependent upon "checking in."

As a one off, I'd let it go. If it was all the time, that's another story

Sorry but you’re being too needy, it was his Xmas works party, he probably didn’t want to be checking his phone. You knew he was going on it, so should have expected him to be home late.

It takes 4 mins to send a text checking in and letting you know when he will be back. Works party or not.

It was a xmas do
These things happen
You didn't have an emergency

Sorry I'd hate constant contact from my oh in those circumstances too

I think it’s fine if it’s a once a year thing.

You sound neurotic. Some of us grew up workout mobile phones

I'd find you particularly needy, if he rarely goes out and this a one-off.

If you had text him "Baby X is really ill and an ambulance has been called. Meet us at Y hospital." And he still didn't respond then you have a issue but him just screening and not replying to your repeated calls and texts is unsurprising.

I don't think I've ever given DP a time of when I'd be back if I'm heading out for drinks or a party. These things end when they end. If it's a good party I'm certainly not checking my phone. Sometimes afternoon drinks turn into all-nighters. Sometimes they don't. This is just normal socialising.

This is normal for Xmas parties I think. DS had his last weekend it was drinks and music in the office from 3pm and then a meal and on to a bar. He got home at 1am.

DH has his today. Starts mid afternoon with a booked activity and then they usually go out for a curry ( not usually planned or booked they just turn up ) and then a cocktail bar usually . I don't expect him home before 1am and I certainly don't expect a text or a call.

I don't call or text him when I'm out either unless one of the kids is unwell and I want to check in ( he would do this too - DD was taken ill and was at A&E while he was watching one of the England games in a pub this summer and he kept checking in and offered to come home but I declined as no point two of us being stuck waiting at the hospital)

Broadly speaking, I 100% agree that going to an afternoon event and then just not turning up until midnight, drunk, is not okay.

Having said that, I'd take the view that this is a once off and for some reason work things are always a bit more likely for this to happen, and assuming it really IS just a once off, I'd let it go.

As for being out of reach in an emergency - yeah, annoying, but realistically, there will be many many times over the next 18 years where one or the other of you is simply not available in the case of an emergency. Iv'e had to take DS to A&E with no way to reach DH until hours later, he's had to manage things knowing that if something did happen I'm not there to help... it is what it is.