Husband not making contact for hours when at party

I wouldn't let it ruin your night. Just let any significant other know a rough plan and text if it changes.

Or throw your phone in the lake and leave them hanging. It's your choice. We shouldn't need to consider others because we're adults and christmas parties are more important.

You clearly don't think you are being unreasonable @Sunnyday123456, so why did you post in AIBU?!

It was his Christmas party. Let it go.

@Oxforddictionary12 "I find it hard to comprehend how people can have such low standards"

I'm so tired of seeing the "low standards" goading trotted out by overly uptight women when faced with women who are happy for their partners to live a little. It's not about respect for you is it, it's about control.

"You can tell him he's lost sex". Sex shouldn't be used as a reward for good behaviour, or withdrawn and used as a weapon for punishing behaviour you don't like. So crass and manipulative.

I would've assumed he'd gone for drinks and I'd also probably have asked my dh the day before was he having drinks and did I need to plan him a tea. We are good at communicating so wouldn't have crossed my mind not to just check.

Do you get annoyed when he is out and contact him lots? If you do maybe it's easier for him to ignore you as he's in trouble anyway?

Our kids all teens now when we are on crazy nights out no one texts their dhs to “check in”
and if they did everyone would
think it was odd or controlling. Our teens have freer range! Maybe it’s generational and younger parents are like this.

OK I don't disagree that one text to update you would have been good but at 7 or 8 when he wasn't back, I would have just thought - oh, it's work party day, there were almost certainly drinks after the afternoon activity - and then carried on with my evening (I wouldn't have expected him back early in the first place either).

It's DP's work drinks tonight and I think he said it ends at 7 or 8, can't remember. I don't really expect him back at a specific time, there's enough food for dinner for both of us, I will eat when I'm hungry and plan for a nice evening in. (If he rolls back in early and interrupts my film, that might put me out more!)

I'm out tomorrow night and I've just told him I've no idea when I'll be back.

I think sometimes, and it can depend on what's going on with work or personal stuff etc. People just forget about adulting. They want to forget. If it's a one off its really not worth getting upset about and dragging it out.

Not sure about men but the women I know - all similar age and we're all perimenopausal - we are just in a bit of a "I'm tiring of thinking about stressful stuff, work, debts, car problems, (maybe an over reliant/on edge DP at times)" rut, and maybe we are a bit selfish at times. I think that's allowed. Being an adult is shit.

Sounds very suffocating. Of course he was fine. He was at a Christmas do.

I know, I'm out this Friday and I'm dreading the check ins and drama already after last time. Vibe already kilked as I know I'll be checking my phone every 30 mins just to make sure I don't leave it too long before I reply 😔

The OP was probably worried and lumbered with solo parenting without prior agreement.

@Oxforddictionary12

but how did him being out affect others? no harm came to anyone

This type of post makes me want to throw my phone in a lake and return to 1993. Grown adults required to ”check in” when the poor sods are on their Christmas jolly. It’s insane. And controlling.

I think your problem here was referring to it as a 'party' - when it sounds like it was (at least meant to be) a Christmas lunch with work, that he then messaged you to say now included an activity (I'm guessing like axe throwing or some other 'fun activity to do with colleagues'). So not a party, but an afternoon event, that you were expecting him home from after, and didn't recieve anything from him to indicate otherwise.

So in those circumstances, I think it would be worrying to hear nothing at all, and then to not get a reply to a text/phone call.

He did communicate once. He messaged about the activity.

Because when you're a parent you need to understand that your actions affect others.

It really wouldn't have been dismissive in the unpleasant/deliberate sense I don't think if it's unusual for him to not check in.

It wasn't in mine anyway. Time goes fast when you're drunk and having a great time, especially if its a bit surprising how much youre enjoying it. If he normally does message i really doubt hed have thought "oh must check in but I cba". It's likely it was like me - look at watch one min and it's 8pm and you're about to take the piss out of Jan in Finance singing Agadoo, the next it's 1am and yet another tequila just appears out of nowhere 😬

Tbh, I think if my DP was completely honest, he was hurt and offended that he or the DC didn't really enter my thoughts for one night while I was out.

One communication is better than 0.

@Oxforddictionary12

but why does he need to ‘check in’? It’s a Christmas do it makes sense to expect to to be a late one, I’m sure OP has been to plenty of Christmas dos herself and knows the score.

Do you make sure you have evenings out too OP?

Its no different. my message also said we were doing an activity and then radio silence from me for nearly 7 hours.

The difference between your situation and this was you messaged at around 8pm to say you were having a blast and I would be a late one. The OPs husband didn't check in.

It’s 7 hours, he’s not run off with another woman 🤦‍♀️