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Original poster

His new hobby and female friend - be cool?

189 replies

EvieR · 10/12/2024 23:18

My boyfriend has recently started a musical hobby at his job. He played piano as a child but dropped it long ago. Suddenly he announced he wanted to get back into it.

Around the same time he started talking about violins then his colleague Rachel played violin. Other things she said. I was detecting a bit of mentionitis.

It turns out they have met once a week for a month between classes (both teachers) to play together. Now he's talking passionately about this hobby but not about her anymore. They practice together just the two of them.

As for our relationship, it feels stronger than ever and he told me how happy he is the other day. Outside of this I have no concerns.

Should my reaction to this new hobby and friend just be 'have fun'? Truth is I am a bit jealous. I love him and don't want to lose him.

OP posts:
Whathappensnowplease · 11/12/2024 00:14

I think.you are right to be worried OP.

The fact he has resurrected a hobby after many years of not doing it at the very time a new and attractive woman comes into his life is a bit suspect .

And actually playing duets together requires very much being on the same wave length mentally and emotionally so it is very likely to nuture closeness between them.

I agree with the pp who suggests you ask to watch them.play together. Because seeing them together doing their shared hobby will give you the chance to see what the vibe is between them.

BESTAUNTB · 10/12/2024 23:43

I’m usually a bit wary about new opposite-sex friends appearing out of the blue (assuming heterosexuality), but for some reason this case strikes me as unsuspicious. You don’t have any other reasons for concern and you mention that you can be jealous at times. I think it seems ok.

Original poster
EvieR · 10/12/2024 23:37

@Alalalala yeah I didn't mean he has been happy, I mean we have been happy as a couple.

We've just spent the weekend with both our parents doing Christmas things and a further break just us. I feel the relationship is going well and I worry he's putting himself in a situation where he might develop feelings for someone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
EvieR · 10/12/2024 23:35

@healthybychristmas I've been cheated on before too. I think in that case I knew deep down the guy was not great.

With my current boyfriend I think he's a good man. I don't think he would intentionally hurt me.

I honestly can't see any way to broach it without looking very jealous.

OP posts:
GoldsolesLugs · 10/12/2024 23:35

Alalalala · 10/12/2024 23:33

You’re not being ridiculous at all. They are making music together and she’s his type. He’s very probably attracted to her and his current vibe of happiness might be due to the buzz this is giving him.

Sorry OP I think you’re right to be concerned. Talk to him about it. Talk to him about boundaries.

Yes, they are literally making music together! How very dare they!

Alalalala · 10/12/2024 23:33

You’re not being ridiculous at all. They are making music together and she’s his type. He’s very probably attracted to her and his current vibe of happiness might be due to the buzz this is giving him.

Sorry OP I think you’re right to be concerned. Talk to him about it. Talk to him about boundaries.

healthybychristmas · 10/12/2024 23:32

I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. He was talking about her a lot and then he stopped even though he was still seeing her. That has happened to me with three different boyfriends and in each case an emotional and then a physical affair started.

Original poster
EvieR · 10/12/2024 23:30

Also he has a type (redheads=me). So is this woman.

I know I'm likely being ridiculous.

OP posts:
GoldsolesLugs · 10/12/2024 23:30

Mymouseisonfire · 10/12/2024 23:25

Ask to go and watch?
If you don’t trust him then what’s the point of carrying on?

Yeah, you should definitely do this! I'm imagining scenes of them lost in musical rapture while OP sits glowering in the corner.

Original poster
EvieR · 10/12/2024 23:30

OnlySlightly · 10/12/2024 23:28

‘They practice together, just the two of them

Are you suggesting they should have arranged to be chaperoned?

It all just sounds a bit romantic! The two of them going off to play music together.

I personally don't entertain new one on one friendships with men but no doubt I'm a minority.

OP posts:
OnlySlightly · 10/12/2024 23:28

‘They practice together, just the two of them

Are you suggesting they should have arranged to be chaperoned?

Original poster
EvieR · 10/12/2024 23:28

Elektra1 · 10/12/2024 23:23

Could your sense of "mentionitis" arise from your admitted sense of jealousy? Is it possible that he just has a hobby he's enjoying getting back to and Rachel is just a friend/colleague who also has the same hobby?

In other words, apart from the fact he has a friend/colleague who plays violin as he does, and they enjoy that together, is there any other reason why you think he might be cheating on you?

But he doesn't play violin. And he hasnt played piano for 15 years.

All of a sudden he is gung ho about getting back into the hobby so they can do duets together. Maybe it really is just for himself.

With the mentionitis he was talking about her excitedly a lot but then it stopped.

OP posts:
Mymouseisonfire · 10/12/2024 23:25

Ask to go and watch?
If you don’t trust him then what’s the point of carrying on?

Elektra1 · 10/12/2024 23:23

Could your sense of "mentionitis" arise from your admitted sense of jealousy? Is it possible that he just has a hobby he's enjoying getting back to and Rachel is just a friend/colleague who also has the same hobby?

In other words, apart from the fact he has a friend/colleague who plays violin as he does, and they enjoy that together, is there any other reason why you think he might be cheating on you?