His new hobby and female friend - be cool?

I don't agree with you here. I didn't play one of my instruments for 21 years, then started back up again by joining an orchestra (once a week), it really didn't take long at all to get back into it, playing pieces from the off. And I'm too lazy to practice at home.

ETA I was only a lower grade on that instrument too and within a short time, I managed to be playing music a couple of grades higher, and I'm certainly not great at that particular instrument!

I suspect that he, a grown man, doesn’t think that practicing an instrument between lessons is in any way not ‘nurturing and protecting’ your relationship.

You’re being a bit nuts. And, MN being MN, there will be people on here feeding your anxiety, validating your feelings of jealousy and urging you to do things that will ruin your relationship. Hopefully, you won’t listen to them.

I’ve not read the entire post, sorry.

What grade piano did he get to as a child? If he got to g7 or g8 then it’s feasible he’d be able to accompany a violinist of any grade. (Tbh, some of the accompaniments for easier violin pieces are harder for the pianist!)

Anything lower, or if it’s a long time since he played, I’d expect to be seeing him putting in practice hours on the piano every day to learn his part. Is he practicing at home?

Relationships might need nurturing but so do individual pursuits and a person’s autonomy within a relationship. If you’re not musical you might not understand the buzz and the joy from playing - yes, even if he’s out of practice, and yes it can be picked up again and improved with practice. I also personally don’t believe “a strong emotional connection with a woman” is inherently problematic - emotional doesn’t have to mean romantic. Personally I want strong emotional connections with my friends and for my partner to enjoy the same, regardless of their sex. If you were to broach this with him I think it would have to be from the perspective of your feelings just to talk them through, because he isn’t doing anything wrong by his actions. As a PP said it’s literally 2 teachers having a play between lessons.

Jesus. It’s like they let 15 year olds post on here. This is the silliest comment I’ve seen in a long time.

Is she attractive?

If so, yes, you've got a problem

What grade did he play to? With zero practice for 15 years it’s unlikely that he’ll be able to just get back into it and be able to play pieces by himself never mind with someone else unless he was really fluent and is practicing at home too. Otherwise it’ll be plink plonk and chatting - if he’s serious about playing again I’d expect him to be doing some at home too

I think it’s okay to have a conversation about how you’re feeling. You don’t need to make any demands that he changes his behaviour, he’s not done anything wrong necessarily, but it is a bit of a grey area situation where some people would be more comfortable with it than others. It’s healthy to talk about boundaries with your partner and see if you’re on the same page about different situations.

If he’s a good, understanding partner he will care enough to hear your concerns. It doesn’t need to be an argument, it might just be a case of him being aware and giving you a little extra reassurance.

I wouldn’t worry too much that he’s going astray.

I played violin for 9 years at school (no music prodigy by any means by the way). I very much enjoyed playing whether alone or in a duet, quartet or orchestra. Over 20 years later, I still think about that feeling I got from playing music and performing. I think playing again would be uplifting. I would pursue this as a hobby if there was a convenient time between working, DH and DC. It doesn’t mean an instant love affair with whoever else is playing music at that time and I would be unhappy if my DH was thinking I’m playing music to get laid, making eyes at the guy playing the cello.

It is a lovely hobby. There is a buzz from playing music and I think this is why it seems this woman is topic of the month, but really is about the music I would say, over an attraction.

Yes I agree that the fact he failed to mention that he was practising with her is strange . It sounds as though he is aware that there is a degree of inappropriateness in them spending this private time with her.
Can you suggest that you and your partner ask her for a meal or similar so that you can get to know her? If you engineered a social meet up then you could see them together. Has she got a partner you could invite with her?

A couple of teachers playing music in a classroom between lessons once a week? Is that it? Sounds fine to me. What are you proposing to do? Ban him? That would be way OTT.

You don’t have to come at it from a jealous perspective. Relationships are critically important and they need nurturing and protecting.

Well, lots of people who get cheated on think their husband would have been the last person in the world to have done such a thing.

The point is, he’s putting himself in a 1:1 situation having private fun with this woman on a regular basis. By doing this, he is risking things getting inappropriate. I do also think that he should have spoken with you about the situation. Maybe he is naive. Maybe he’s already cheating. But it absolutely needs a conversation.

I’d just tell him it’s making you feel a little jealous, but you love him and want him to enjoy his time. Ask him to be thoughtful about communicating with you about it and her and that you’re really excited to hear them perform.

so … talk to him…

Is she younger than you and happy go lucky child free?

The sudden stop of the metionitis would make me suspicious he's become aware of it and he's being more careful now. Why wouldn't he mention her if they are meeting 'to make beautiful music together'. (Not totally convinced about this thread!)

There’s not much you can do about it but I would be wary if it were me. You’re right to feel uneasy but it’s all pretty vague at this point. These situations are dangerous because this is how emotional and then physical affairs begin. They don’t go into it thinking, ‘I’m going to start cheating’. It happens incrementally.

You are right to be worried. I would say you meet up with both of them - go for coffee or pizza.