His new hobby and female friend - be cool?

I love this suggestion. The DH and his violinist colleague are working away at Messiaen’s Theme and Variations for Violin and Piano and the OP is sitting in, repeatedly hitting middle C on her little Casio, like Mr Bean at the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony, and glaring.

Yes, Mn is the most ridiculously sexually-overheated environment, evaluating the most unlikely environments for the potential for two people of the opposite sex to rip each other’s clothes off. It makes me wonder whether many Mners would like Saudi-style laws, where it’s illegal for unrelated men and women to be alone together in an enclosed space, and where hotels and workplaces routinely have male-only and female-only floors.

Buy yourself an electronic keyboard so you can join in at the get togethers at her house?

The argument that all affairs begin with innocuous behaviour, thus you should be wary of all innocuous behaviour is so illogical.

Obvious all affairs start from nothing much at all. But the vast majority of male-female one-on-one interactions do not end up as affairs.

Playing tennis isn't a bad comparison. I play tennis at an awkward intermediate level and finding someone you can actually have a decent, competitive match with is bloody hard. DP is a bit too strong for me (so far) but there's a guy I first played in an amateur league match who's a similar level to me, so I prefer playing with him. In MN world this is the slippery slope to a certain affair.

So it's not even just the two of them?

I find the general obsession with sex on MN very tedious. Every single male-female interaction is automatically viewed through a sexual lens. Most posters refuse to believe that men and women can have any non-romantic, non-sexual bond, whether platonic or in this case artistic.

I have a lot of musician friends and they all jump at the chance of being able to play and create music with someone on a similar wavelength. Two of the most talented people I know - she's a singer and he plays piano and other instruments - ended up making an album and going on tour together, and they describe each other as "musical soulmates". This is not romantic in the slightest (both in long-term relationships with others). That's a really common scenario, too.

don't lose your connection with your husband. Maybe do more fun things together as a couple.

This is the most important thing really.

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you have described, tbh OP.

I am a musician and it's great to get together with other people and play or rediscover a long lost passion.

I suspect that some of your jealousy is centred around the fact that he can enjoy sharing this passion with her and not with you.

There's nothing wrong with what they are doing.

However, being pragmatic about it, it is also true that affairs (like any relationship) don't start in the bedroom. They start by spending time together, sharing interests, being like minded, developing a bond etc.

Sometimes those connections remain as friendships and sometimes romantic feelings emerge.

I would have a conversation with him about it if you feel able. Because whilst there is nothing to suggest there is anything untoward happening now, you both need to be mindful of safeguarding the relationship going forwards.

Well, stop shagging cops, teachers and HCPs, then!

I 'd be concerned. My OH of 15 years has just left for "the friend". He made friends with a single school mum and neigbour. They'd hang out with the kids (she doesn't work, ex husband pays.) he runs his own company from home so always around. They only met up when I was at work as that was the only days her kids and her were free. She seemed fun, I 'd speak w her too but as she was always busy on my free days, never joined any meet ups. I was pleased he had a friend as he hasn't got any. Fast forward a few months, I start getting paranoid, asked him if anything was going on and he was getting aggressive and denying it. I asked her and she denied anything going on. Eventually found out they had been sleeping together for months. He's been telling her the usual, relationship had been over for years, sexless, etc. Turns out he had all but abandoned the idea of us. He could have choosen to stay and work on us but he didn't. She gave a half hearted apology but they have carried on and still lying about it. They both made a choice, it wasn't accidental. People are horrible, I'm heartbroken and an absolute wreck. I have no appetite, have lost so much weight and very stressed about the future. I want my family back. He is taking our children 50% of the time, I never wanted to be a part-time parent. I want to see my children every day. Now I have to put on a brave face and be excited for them to go. 6 months ago I'd said your situation was fine, now, sadly, I wouldn't. She can go play with someone else but your husband. And don't lose your connection with your husband. Maybe do more fun things together as a couple.

Do you think orchestra members are engaged in a massive orgy? “Very intimate” indeed 😂

There maybe nothing going on but unfortunately they’re both in one of my top three professions for affairs.

1 Police
2 Teaching
3 Healthcare

Id ask to watch his progress in an interested way and his reaction will tell you what you need to know!

Hope he’s just found his calling!

Blind trust isn't healthy, nor is it healthy to try and control his interactions. He may or may not have feelings. Even if he does there is, essentially, nothing you can do - there aren't any guarantees in any relationship, there's always a risk of getting hurt.
You need to work on over thinking because, as it is, he's not doing anything inappropriate. If it progresses to a point where he's being inconsiderate of you (eg spending one on one time with her outside of the hobby) then you've every right to raise it.

This. All happening, presumably, in a school music room that smells of that traditional honk of teenagers, Lynx Africa and school dinners.

And as someone who took up an instrument in my 40s that I’d last played in my teens, it’s unbelievably frustrating coming up against your own limits, hitting bum notes, thinking ‘I swear my sight reading used to be better than this’ etc. I agree it’s difficult to think of anything less romantic.

I wouldn't particularly like it. And it would make me a bit suspicious, but like you it's because I've had a bad experience.

I'm very blunt and to the point with my partner and as is he. I would just state I'm not telling you what you can or can't do, but I am telling you that it makes me uncomfortable. What he choses to do there on is up to him, he knows how you feel.

People who are saying (or implying) you have nothing to be concerned about are foolish. Music (like dancing) is a very powerful and intimate hobby.

I would be questioning why he didn't mention he was practicing with her? That's a big red flag imo.

You are conflicted because he is loving this pastime, yet you can also see the potential of them becoming close because of it. You are right to be concerned OP, what you 'do' about it is another issue.

This could be all him. What do you know about her? Does she have a partner? He might gave rekindled his love of music and developed a bit of a crush. Doesn't mean it is reciprocated at all.

I assumed at first that he was going round her house to play duets with her and understood why that could make you feel jealous and insecure.

But the update that they are teachers, practising at school in between lessons? I can't think of anything less romantic. I now think you're being a bit daft to worry about it.

Playing music together is very intimate. I would be a lot more worried about why he stopped mentioning her. I think you should be worried. Xx

Agreed. This entire threat, and some of the replies are unhinged.

If you started playing tennis again, with a male friend, do you think your husband reacting like this would be normal? Ffs.

Just ask him if there is anything you should be worried about in a non accusatory way. If there is nothing going on he really won’t be bothered by that question because it is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

If he isn’t practising outside of the sessions then I would be less concerned. If he had a crush on her he would probably want to impress her with his musical prowess and be practising quite a bit.

Visiting a colleague’s house if a friendship is developing isn’t an issue. I mean, sure, maybe he could develop feelings but that could happen to any of us, with anyone. You can’t go through life avoiding any situation that might have the slightest potential for romantic feelings to arise.

I know when I meet a new person that I like platonically I enjoy hanging out with them and getting to know them because of who they are and what we have in common. It wouldn’t really cross my mind that feelings could develop. But even if they did, surely what matters is what one does with that feeling? Everyone will fancy people outside their relationship at some point. People in happy monogamous relationships should have enough sense to recognise it and decide not to act on it. Of course people cheat, but in my opinion a key quality in a partner is that I could trust them to take the right course of action should that situation arise. And if I choose to trust someone that means giving them freedom to conduct their friendships however they like and expecting the same in return.

I find it all suspicious.

All of a sudden he wants to pick up this hobby again.....? Very "coincidental ". I would think he isn't talking about her much because he has been spending time with her now.

I think you need to talk to him. Maybe something along the lines of ‘you seem to really be enjoying spending time with this person. If this is turning into something else you need to let me know.’ Hopefully it starts a conversation.

Honestly, at the start of your post, I did think it sounded a bit iffy. But after reading this bit, I do think this could be entirely innocent!

I took up an instrument that I hadn't played in 21yrs and it really did fill be with excitement and happiness! It became quite a big thing for me at the time.

I personally don't see why her motivation should be questioned, it's very normal for musicians to encourage rusty players to get back into it. I was given so much encouragement when I restarted by the others I was playing with, it was really uplifting. Then I started practising with a really good player (a male), and we both really enjoyed practising together and him helping me improve. It was great, and completely platonic. We're still good friends 6 yrs later, despite neither of us playing at the moment!