To ask DP to get presents for my kids?

I missed this earlier Op: - they're going to ask where DP's present is. DP will be spending Christmas Day with his family so won't be there to experience this

I don’t think your kids should be asking where his presents are just because he got them presents once before. They should just be grateful for what their mum and dad have for them.

He doesn’t live with you, and he’s not even spending Christmas Day with you. As you say you’re not a blended family.

I think you should forget about presents for now - just tell him not to bother for the time being.

I don't think this is about buying gifts to be honest. Respectfully, your relationship sounds all rather casual; certainly not one where any DP would feel part of those kids' lives.

You say you're happy with the arrangement of not living together etc, which is fine, but then, in the next breath you say you think he should buy them gifts because he's 'in their lives'. Except it doesn't seem like there's any real commitment from either of you to become a proper 'family'. Personally, I think that's the conversation that needs to be had first.

I agree with @GravyBoatWars @Merrygoround8 and @Mymouseisonfire and anyone else who has mentioned but do the kids get him something ? it’s nice to have some give and take - mention to him that you’re taking the kids to buy something small for him.

That should trigger him to get something for them.

And if doesn’t well that’s very telling and something you’ll have to deal with.

Maybe just keep it simple and forget about him getting birthday presents though but you can sign a card from both of you.

I know as a childfree person I found it got a bit tedious getting birthday presents for my friends multiple kids year on year and then never getting anything back. It didn’t bother me initially but once they got to their teen years I was kind of done. That’s no reflection on the kids btw. It’s about their parents.

This

Just tell him that the kids would love to get a little present from him. I don't think it's a massive saga.

In all honesty OP, I think perhaps it would have been wise to have had this discussion with him before he bought your kids gifts the first time. However, we can't be wise all the time, and you weren't to know that he might turn flaky after the first gifts, when presumably he was still trying to get them onside with him having a relationship with their Mum. I would therefore have a chat with him, point out that you ended up buying a gift 'from him' for your second child after he bought for the first one's birthday, and seemingly forgot the second one, as you didn't want him to look bad in the eyes of the second child. Then tell him that if he's in it for the long haul, then he needs to make up his mind whether he's going to buy for Christmas and birthdays, and if he decides that he is, then he needs to do it on an ongoing basis, as you and the children come as a package, and hurting your children in any way, is only going to cause problems in your relationship. If he then says that he wants to buy for them, I'd make a point of telling him that while you're happy to give suggestions, it will be HIS job to do the actual shopping, so that you don't end up just making more work for yourself in the longer term.

Works both ways. Have you taken them to choose something for him? If so, tell him - it will act as a nudge.

If he's in your bed when the kids are there then he is blended into your family unit enough. The fact he is not even considering getting them a token gift would create enough doubt in my mind that he is no longer serious about a long term relationship, he's just coasting along taking the easy route.

I would ask him outright if he's planning on giving them a gift, and if he isn't (or acts surprised as though he's forgotten) then I would look at the relationship as a whole. Is it equal financially, mentally and physically (chores) and is it supportive, or does it lean more to him taking and you giving? Although honestly, the fact that he hasn't even considered them would make me re evaluate the relationship.

I really don’t think children should expect presents.
My DB sometimes buys my four DC gifts and sometimes he doesn’t. They don’t care and have never mentioned it.

Do they buy for him?

Do the kids get him gifts for Christmas or his birthday? I would be doing that.

Honestly, I would just have a neutral but open conversation. I think if you're going to be in a long-term partnership with someone (much less bringing them into your children's lives) you need to be willing to have up-front conversations with them about topics like this. Ask him if he was planning on doing anything for your DC (since giving cash is what he did last year he may just be planning to repeat), and explain that kids don't need anything big but being acknowledged on Christmas & birthays is important and they're likely to be confused by inconsistency.

And I do think in the long-term you'll need to think about whether this is someone who wants to play a big role in your DC's life and if he's who you want doing that. I'm a step-parent and my biggest advice to people in relationships with people with kids is not to make a commitment or continue down the partnership path if you're not enthusiastic about being a key adult in the kid(s)'s life. That doesn't necessarily mean wanting to be a parent to them but I think it rarely works out when people are ambivalent about their partner's kids.

Yes OP, I would give him a little nudge.

He either buys or doesn’t but this sometimes buying and sometimes not and WORSE buying for one but not the other! Isn’t ok.

i think personally you should just faze out him buying because he isn’t reliable.

OR

You need to have a conversation with him. Asking him does he want to buy the children gifts? Telling him that it’s fine whatever he decides but he needs to be consistent once he has decided.

I think I would have a discussion about it with him, as this would really put me off him.

Yes, he should buy a present for both kids. It doesn’t need to be expensive (£10 each).

What happens on your birthday / Christmas? Does he buy you presents?

You say he stays over often, does he contribute to food shopping or takeaways when he stays?

Who pays for day outs?

I would expect my boyfriend of three years to buy my kids a token gift yes .
He’s in their lives and if the plan is to stay together then he should be making more of an effort .

I don’t think it would harm. He wants a good relationship.

Have they got him a gift? Could you say how excited they are to give it to him?

He may get the hint.

It’s up to him though really isn’t it. If he’s not there anyway, he wouldn’t be giving them himself so I would just leave it. If they’re disappointed then that’s on him, not you.