AIBU to be having nightmares over friends visit?

channel some of the feistiness you display on this thread in protecting your children from this person rather than just throwing your hands up with “hey, i’m a coward leave me alone”

Good. You wrote that your „DD loves her“.

Would you want to foster that? Encourage a relationship between a person who takes delight in the deaths of Jewish children? When your DD is a Jewish child herself?

this is a person I‘d phase out of your DD‘s life. Stop mentioning her, don’t encourage meet-ups etc.

I’m really not sure why people are so shocked a long term friend might not know someone’s religion of they’re non practicing. My best friend of 15 years found out last year that I’m Jewish. I couldn’t tell you what religion, if any, she has. If it’s not a huge feature in your day to day life it’s entirely plausible it would just not come up. Particularly so for Jews, a huge number of whom sadly feel they have to conceal an aspect of their identity and/or heritage.

I feel for you OP as I have seen a few friends’ true colours recently. I’ve distanced myself until I decide what to do, if anything.

There is alot of "oh no, you don't count, hou are good enough to be one of us". Talking an immigrant. I've heard similar phrases when someone (at work usually) starts galling about immigrants all being thieves/lazy/on benefits/drunks etc.

Anti-semitism is racist hatred. I wouldn’t go near this person.

And I’m surprised at your casual racism - “this is normal in Ireland” remarks.

Old IRA is thought of quite differently ime for obvious reasons, but OP said it wasn’t just Old IRA she was referring to unfortunately.

I wonder do some younger people get them mixed up when they hear references to IRA? Or people from outside Ireland perhaps. Clutching at straws…

Stay well away from your ‘friend’ OP. Her mindset is disgusting. She sounds unstable.

I'd say it's difficult for OP to cut ties because of the age of their friendship and experiences shared together over the years. It's like cutting ties with a close family member. But if I was her, I don't think I'd find kindness or strength to see her again. I don't want to associate with anyone with extreme views.
The nightmares is the subconscious telling her to run a mile. Or, if OP witnessed her friend having a mental breakdown before, it's saying "beware, I recognise these signs, we've been here before".

Have you contacted her partner about this? She has a two year old son and he would be my concern. Her mental health is not your problem, but it absolutely is her partner's. I hope for their son's sake he's doing something about it. I can't imagine she gets invited to many play groups.

As for the visit, cancel it for whatever reason you find easiest. Why spoil your Christmas?

I am not Jewish. But I have (very) close and immediate family ties to the Jewish community.

It is not something most of my school or uni friends would have been aware of.

there is also a lot of generational trauma and history about (not) openly living one‘s Jewishness or daring to identify as Jewish. The reason for this being quite obvious.

A good friend was completely unaware of his Jewish heritage until he was 18. when he was was told about his family not being „just Hungarian“ but Jewish Hungarian. And that his grandmother was actually a survivor. It was (obviously) a massive shock to him. But this is not a terrible unusual story.

it‘s also possible that OP‘s friend might have forgotten OP‘s Jewishness. Or justified it to herself as OP being „one of the good ones“…

It's not offensive for the OP to talk about her own experience.

It doesn't matter whether others have experienced the same or not, it's her experience and life.

To be honest I don’t get why so many think this is fake. Mental health problems causing huge personality changes can be its own thing separate to radicalism. The posts are chilling but it can also be a terrifying sign of a person’s disintegration. I suspect lots of Jewish people have shed their identity. My son has a Jewish friend who mentioned it in passing as a bit of a joke. At some point his relatives changed their name and withdrew from their community. A very understandable reaction to such huge generational trauma.

It's a hard no from me. I would not be seeing her and I'd tell her why.

Her mental fragility is no excuse for her disgusting comments.

How are you more assertive against strangers on the Internet challenging you than your antisemitic 'friend'?

That's weird.

The trash took itself out when she blocked you. So sorry for what you went through and for your losses on 7th of October.
I did not realise people in UK have had to hide their Jewish roots.

That’s not fair. You don’t feel directly threatened here. Have you tried to imagine yourself in the ops shoes? With a mentally unwell person espousing extreme violence against all men, women, children and babies of a certain group, who knows your name and where you live? And you have plenty of real life context that many people are serious about that level of violence, not just keyboard warriors?

iIt is cowardly to use Covid as an excuse, plus she will ask again. Let her know exactly what you are feeling about her comments and remind her that you are in fact Jewish. Woman up!

Your friend is disgusting. Depression doesn’t cause racism. She’s choosing what content to read and believe.

You don’t sound much better either being ‘anti Israel’.

anybody who sees innocent civilians tortured, abducted and murdered (any civilians!) and posts „this is beautiful“ is not welcome in my home.

people who make light of the shoah and post stuff about the horrible murder of 6 million Jews not being „quite horrible enough“ is a person that is not welcome in my home.

she sounds unhinged and unstable. Do not have her in her home. Do not have an unstable antisemite around your Jewish family! Don’t give her access to unsuspecting Jewish people who will - obviously - feel save in your home.

Edit: and don’t give her access to your Jewish children. That is a person who cheered when Jewish children were murdered.

She could have just as well cheered at the murder of your children. Can you really overlook that? Forgive that? Expose your children to that venom in their own home?

Why are you anti Israel? Where should the Jews have gone after the holocaust? Why don’t Jews deserve their homeland that their ancestors lived in centuries ago?

If you’re anti Israel, are you hoping your Israeli family are kicked out soon?

She would be no friend of mine OP.

I'd cut her off personally. Your first post is extremely disturbing.

i very much recognise your description of Kerry - and your understanding of where your friend has ended up. You are a good friend to be working it out so carefully. Sadly I think it is unlikely this friend comes back to a shape you can reclaim. Well at least my friend who became conspiracy obsessed has become unrecognisable and not someone I can see recovering. The triumphant tone over others’ losses is very unpleasant and not something you can have around your kids. So sad that she has become so distorted by her mental health problems.

It's irrelevant that you are Jewish. Her posting about the October attacks being beautiful and supporting the Holocaust alone should have been enough for you to cut her off. Her views are abhorrent and you are enabling her but not having stood up to her. For her holocaust views alone

You are well within your rights to end the friendship. It doesn’t sounds like you have the same values any more. She sounds awful.

OP so sorry about the troll hunters and sanctimonious types. Amazing how many people have no idea how sticky communal identities can be, and how vague migrants may be about their origins, for all sorts of reasons.

I think it would be very kind of you to meet up with this friend and try to get her off her mental treadmill. Would advise against mentioning your origins.

But nobody can expect that extent of kindness from you. You have every right to find her venom personally offensive. Hope you find a solution.

I learned a lot from this thread btw, not being Irish.

I am Irish and while I agree being anti -Israel and not condoning what is going on in Gaza is normal here, being pro-hamas absolutely wouldn’t be considered socially acceptable at all or the norm. I couldn’t stay friends with someone like this, even as someone who isn’t Jewish. She sounds a bit unhinged.