2.5 year old dirty underwear after nursery

In our nursery there is a toilet in the room for children to use as they please, sometimes they will ask for help sometimes they will just go themselves.

Similar situation here, although DC is still in nappies. I've watched them change him and even when he's said "bit sore" they've ignored him and not put cream on. It's a quick wipe with a paper towel and nappy on, I can smell he's unclean sometimes.

I think it's only certain members of staff. But I need to figure out how to address it without wanting to impact their relationship to DC. He's come home so sore some days that he cannot sit in the bath without bursting into tears. One day of proper hygiene later, and he's fine.

And don't even get me started on Metanium being discontinued... It was the only thing that saved us.

Oh my point was - if a child is not helped with personal care when it's within an explicit written statement there's much less chance for others.

@SI85

EHCP was in place in July. Early review was done November because in September he'd had a seizure in the outdoor play area - again unnoticed. A child told the teacher that he was asleep at the side of the store/shed. We know this because it was my daughter's, friend's son who told the teacher.

The EHCP is worded well and very specific about the amount of 1:1/constant supervision he needs. He has to remain in sight of an adult throughout his time there, including toilet breaks and lunchtime. Adult is to assist with personal care/hygiene.

I think the school is happy for the extra money ....

No idea how often the plan is followed - seems they pick and choose.

What's annoying is, there are three adults (including a 1:1 assistant) in the class, 14 children - 4 go home at lunch. It's the local primary school nursery. Ten more joining after Christmas - quite worryingly.

It does have to be actioned, as a legal document. Is it written in very explicitly? If not you could ask for an early annual review so an amendment can be made to make it more explicit.

We’ve had similar issues with DS’s preschool but it’s a school nursery with the higher ratios that doesn’t take under 3s so it isn’t unexpected and at 3.5 his arms are now long enough that he can do a passable job with flushable toilet wipes (that we send in). With a 2YO at nursery they should have the staffing to go with him to the loo, many are still training at his age so I would have thought accompanying is the default? And even if they’re not doing that, the absolute minimum they should be doing is checking him if they see him scratching and changing him into fresh pants as required. As an aside though, if he’s itching I would treat him for worms.

I can see why wet wipes wouldn't be allowed unless the staff were doing the wiping, as otherwise children would flush them down the toilet and block it. It sounds like the nursery is not well set up for under 3s who are toilet trained - my DS started wiping his own bum when he was big enough for me to explain how to do it - so the first time he told me he'd had a poo at nursery and wiped his own bum, I realised we needed a chat about how many times and exactly where to wipe, and now he doesn't complain about an itchy bum any more so he must be doing something right. But there's no way he'd have fully understood and managed that at 2.5, and I would expect nursery staff to know that and allow for it in their policies.

Wiping doesn't happen in grandson's nursery, despite it being written into his EHCP that he needs help with personal care.

We think he goes off to the loo on his own and unnoticed which is also concerning as he is supposed to be supervised and within sight at all times as he has drop seizures.

His bottom has been so sore that the skin has broken.

He can't give permission for wiping - he's non verbal.

We were under the impression that the EHCP was a document which had to be actioned.

Tbh my 5yo is still like this, you might be in for a long haul. Does a poo then thinks it'll magically disappear.

When I have seen what happens at my DC nursery with toilet & staff is that staff will stand outside of the actual toilet, so not go in & basically wait. & I suppose unless a child asks for help they just wait outside which is what I’m assuming my son is doing, he’s wiping & thinking that’s good enough but it’s not as he is really sore now. Very frustrating as I also don’t remember my other children being like this at nursery.

DD's nursery have told me they're not allowed in the toilet with them. They also don't allow wet wipes, only toilet paper.

I have had the same issue with her. She told me she tries not to go at nursery because she doesn't like it. I'm not happy at all with it.

At my DCs' nursery, they take them to the toilet when they are in the 2-3 room, and let them go by themselves when they move into the 3-5 room. So DS always had help wiping till he moved up, and now he just goes by himself and presumably doesn't tell anyone when he has. It's really well set up for this, though - the different rooms have separate doors into the toilets, so the younger ones can't get in by themselves and therefore are supervised, while the older ones have free access. So it might depend on the mix of age groups in the room and how they get to the toilets, but if they don't know your 2.5 year old is going for a poo they need to be more vigilant.

I'm astonished at these replies, I assumed once they were out of nappies (when they are wiped clean) they would continue to be wiped clean until they could do it themselves.

My DC doesn't come home dirty thank goodness (mixture of nursery & childminder)

Having same issues with my DS. Hes been out of nappies since June/July & kept saying his bum was itchy & when I looked it did look sore & red. It cleared up over half term & has literally came back since going back to nursery. To the point he’s actually just been awake because of it saying it hurts. I’m going to speak to them tomorrow about it. Especially as he’s there 5 days a week all day. He does have a habit at home of going & not telling anyone what he’s done, so you do have to check with him. So I imagine it’s the same at nursery.

My experience is few childcare settings properly clean up a child to the standard you do it yourself and most don't help preschoolers enough with wiping. Many children under 4 simply can't reach & lack the coordination to do it well, neither of mine could.

Is your ds telling the nursery staff he has done a poo & asking for help? Or is he taking himself off, going & not saying anything. If the latter the staff will probably expect he’s just done a wee. If you let them know this is happening they will be able to ask him each time he goes & check he’s clean.

Thanks. His childminder was absolutely lovely otherwise and he loved his time with her so on balance this seemed like a minor annoyance.

Also, as I said he has been in quite a few settings and there was not a single place where they cleaned him up thoroughly. I just assumed that maybe it's rather a disgusting job if it's not your own child and too much to expect from people to do it properly.

Op, it's hard at 2.5 but have you told your dc to make sure to tell the staff if he's going to do a poo or to call them when he's done one before getting up?

My kids preschool didn't help them at all with toileting once potty trained. We had the same issue. This wasn't the reason we left but looking back it was one sign of a poor quality childcare setting - there were several other problems. My other child is now in a different preschool where they do help them and even in reception one of my kids had help with wiping.

I think a 2 year old probably won't be able to do it even with wet wipes - their arms aren't long enough

One of my son's did a 6 month placement in a nursery, he was looking after
children alone and was told he was not allowed into the toilets to help them.To be honest I was horrified by some of the things he told me and was glad when he finished, eg he was expected to clean/hoover whilst single handedly looking after children despite having no training/qualifications (fortunately he was a decent lad who was very safety conscious/caring and is now a qualified nurse). This was a work placement/work experience organised by the DWP which the private nursery was obviously taking advantage of for cheap labour.

Make sure you speak to them and yes I would also provide wipes too.

@FoulSeaOwl I'm sorry you have had this experience with childminders I am a childminder and am very careful my children's bottoms are clean and have cream on them