Aibu to 'outsource' a bit of parenting? (Tutor?)

33 replies

Emily198222 · 10/12/2024 19:30

I have an 8 yo who is a bit behind at school.
She's happy and confident and chatty but academically 'working towards'.

I want to help her but I'm struggling with this. I think I have undiagnosed adhd and find it absolutely impossible to follow through on plans to schedule regular study things like spellings/time tables/homework.
I really, really want to. But I just can't do it. I've tried so many times with a new routine.
I work full time with a random shift pattern which doesn't help.

I'm wondering if I need to accept that despite good intentions I can't make this work and whether I should try and get her a tutor for an hour a week to do some 1-1 teaching.
Does this sound like a reasonable plan? Would it help do you think?
Has anyone done it?
I'm not aspiring to massive academic heights etc, I don't think she's an academic sort and I'm ok with that, she has many other incredible qualities, but I don't want her to flop her sats because I can't get my shit together.

I feel shit about it so would appreciate not getting a battering, although I know I'm in aibu which is sort of asking for it.

OP posts:

JassyRadlett · 10/12/2024 19:34

Honestly, a good tutor can be so beneficial! Kids are way more likely to knuckle under and do the work for an external authority figure than they are for a parent, and a lot of primary tutors are teachers themselves so are good at ferreting out what's going wrong and fixing kids' understanding.

I'd still do everything you can to do the regular work in between - set alarms on your phone, use the school run for a different thing each week, twenty minutes of reading before bed is as non-negotiable as brushing teeth, etc. We always do spellings on the way to school on test morning and see how many right times tables answers we can get by the end of our street on non-spelling mornings.

HollyGolightly4 · 10/12/2024 19:34

Absolutely don't think it's a bad idea. The only thing to think about, is high schools use sats for GCSE targets (that's what their progress figure is based on) so in the future, could the academic support she received for sats turn into a negative?

randomchap · 10/12/2024 19:34

The tutor will be far more skilled at educating than you are. You're doing the best for your child. It's a good decision.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/12/2024 19:33

I don't think YABU at all, if you can afford it then absolutely do it. I can't comment on if an hour a week would help as I'm not a teacher/tutor.

Harrysmummy246 · 10/12/2024 19:33

An hour will be too long for an eight year old. By all means get a tutor for half an hour or ask school if there is an intervention they can make.

But ultimately this is about a little practice every day. And ADHD is crap, yes, I am waiting for diagnosis, but some things just have to get done, same as laundry or walking dogs. Phone reminders, lists, whatever it takes, but support your daughter

pandarific · 10/12/2024 19:33

I think this is responsible of you. You’ve identified an area of parenting you’re not confident in, and because it’s important you’ve made sure it will happen regardless of your ability, recognising the skills you lack.

Depressedbarbie · 10/12/2024 19:33

It's absolutely fine to do this. I tutor for a girl in a similar situation. However, just be aware that it cannot replace daily practise if she's behind. It will definitely help a bit, but not as much as 5 minutes practise a day. This from experience x

Pyjamatimenow · 10/12/2024 19:31

I’m a qualified teacher and I still outsource this aspect of parenting

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