Aibu to 'outsource' a bit of parenting? (Tutor?)

Totally do this. Some of my tutees are in very similar situations. One to one support with a qualified teacher will help boost DC's confidence and motivation. Whilst once a week is not as beneficial and reading every day or practicing spellings and times tables throughout the week, it is better than not doing anything. Moreover,a good tutor will also supply you with ideas and methods to be done between sessions that help embed the learning. For example, I give out times tables games, get them writing times tables up and down the stairs, making times tables flowers etc. which the children actually enjoy doing so there is no battle to do extra school work at home.

I don't think tutoring is outsourcing parenting – you're not a teacher, you're a mum!

Yanbu, tutoring isn't parenting. Teaching is a skill and many children don't respond well to their parents trying to teach them and most parents are not skilled teachers.

Hello@emily198222 sorry to jump on the thread late, but I’m in exactly the same position and had been searching threads on this topic and found your one. Have you made any progress on getting a tutor? Is it helping?

Yes my kids have additional support needs, 30 mins a week 1:1 with a specialist tutor who understands and caters to their learning style has made all the difference to them both. I’m not a teacher and could never have unravelled their learning styles much less be able to adapt teaching to suit their need. I outsource this part of parenting without a second thought.

I do think a tutor is a good idea

But you will get better results also doing even a tiny bit each day.

Op you say you've bought books before but never managed to do them. Is she reluctant? Its important to make sure you aren't pitching it too hard, she should be able to manage them relatively independently while you get on with another job. Start an age bracket below at first if they are too hard & are off-putting. Better to get secure on earlier material and a strong base than to attempt to "catch up" at a fast pace which rarely works long term.

We used to do times tables and spelling on the walk to school, little and often, can you link a bit of practice to other things you do regularly?

Not read all replies but just to say with my eldest dd I had a brilliant 16 year old girl who was a helper at her brownies - she spent an hour and a half on a Saturday doing spellings etc - we got a list from school of areas needing improvement and incorporated them over several sessions. In the last 30 minutes of each session they did crafts/dancing or whatever dd wanted to do. She loved having an older girl rather than a tutor as more fun and she learnt well and then was happy to do a bit each night with me after a few lessons. Other benefit was she was cheaper and the lovely girl got an excellent reference . I'm sure she did a better job than I would have done !! We then did a proper tutor for GCSEs as dd needed a bit of extra help- again so worthwhile !

Dunno why you'd feel shit about it

It's the same as outsourcing any other task

Don't hesitate to get a tutor. It will save a world of pain.

Just be careful when you choose a tutor. You want someone friendly and fun since she's young or she might wind up with learning phobia.

Absolutely. I used an ex primary school teacher for my 7 year old for about a year. She actually really enjoyed it. I felt (as did school) she was a bit behind and it was best for her to her to have some dedicated time and space for English and maths. She did an hour a week.

It helped a lot.

If you can afford it definitely outsource this. Your child will listen to the tutor way better than they will to you! Sounds very responsible of you to be helping your child where they have a need rather then leaving them to struggle

Have you considered she might have ADHD?

Take planning/research out of it. Buy books like cgp or something where all you have to do is get her to do a little each day.

What does she struggle with most? Start there.

No idea, do what you think is best but I just jumped on to say ADHD is hereditary so if you think you have it please watch out for signs in your daughter. This might possibly explain why she is working towards at school. Does she struggle with focus too?

I may have completely the wrong end of the stick but it's worth being aware of.

Good luck! ADHD is so tough when it comes to juggling parenting/life!

I do 45 minutes for most kids this age.
But plenty of 8 year olds would cope.
When the parents about how long i tell them they know their kids best and let them choose either 45 min or an hour.

OP please make sure you get a qualified teacher rather than a uni student

I did

no regrets at all ds will sit happily with his tutor with me everything becomes an argument when it comes to homework other areas he is an easy child

he does have adhd and likely I have too so that probably didn’t help

I imagine random chap was assuming op will have the sense to pick a tutor who is a qualified teacher

Of course YANBU. Both mine have had tutors throughout.

DS because school was/is too easy and he likes to be stretched more. So he does it just for "fun" really. At secondary school he is just having science tutoring because the topics were too basic for him (he spent the pandemic teaching himself quite a bit of science or choosing to do online tutorials in it)

DD goes because she has quite severe dyslexia. She's bright but some elements of school she finds very hard. A tutor gives her the time to work in her own way and focus on both her strengths and her battles.

If she has a busy week with hobbies etc she just takes her homework to the tutor and they work through that . It's actually also quite a good way for the tutor to get a sense of what she is learning in school

She genuinely loves going and it means she gets that 1:1 focussed support

I would recommend picking a qualified teacher for a tutor though not the strange tutor factories /enthusiastic university students.

Not necessarily. Sometimes just uni students looking to top up funds etc

DS goes to tutoring. He's dyslexic and has inconsistent skills.

Supporting him at home is not suitable for his needs; for a start it brings back far too many memories of lockdown "home learning" which only resulted in him sobbing on my lap and deep frustration for us both. The tutor is a specialist in the skills that the curriculum expects and tailors the work to build up his gaps and pitches them at a level that he suceeds at. I might have a PGCE, but I'm no expert that aspect of subject knowledge. He concentrates better by going to a small group learning environment with a tutor and doesn't try escaping off like he does at home.

He went from a few years of "working towards" while school ignored his blatant dyslexia to just about meeting age expectations in SATs. I don't care about SATs in themselves, but he does need the skills to access the full curriculum across secondary school, and being "working towards" was not an ideal foundation Now he's through SATs, the tutor is focusing on other skills such as coherently structuring his writing as he finds it very difficult to blend multiple skills simultaneously. His SATs grades and the targets they generate are modest compared to his subject knowledge across much of the curriculum so he's not under inflated pressure.

I don't know if he has other SENs involved, but like his autistic brother, he really struggles to merge academic concentration into home life, and it's a common ND trait.

Do you think that using an app with a timer for some of this might help? There are lots of motivating apps